I realized today that I'm a writer that hardly reads at all. Thats really sad because I used to read everything I could get my hands on. I decided to remedy that today by going to the both the bookstore and the library. To my surprise I didn't get any of the fiction I intended to, I ended up getting a bunch of non-fiction science books.
Bookstore:
A Brief History of Time (10th Anniversary Edition) by Stephen Hawking
Library:
Billions and Billions, Thoughts on Life and Death at the Brink of the Millennium by Carl Sagan
The Reluctant Mr. Darwin by David Quammen
I couldn't find Lovecraft anywhere. Not surprising, but I also couldn't find a copy of Darwin's Origin of the Species. Is that a banned book you think? Oh well, I ordered it from Amazon, should be interesting. I'll have to read it in public to see if anyone says anything.
Also, I want to get into Charles Dickens as I was never able to before. I think having him shoved down my throat in high school pretty much ruined any joy I would get out of reading his work. Does anybody like Dickens? What book should I start with?
I suppose I should end with a list of my favorite books ever. Here's a few that I couldn't put down:
Richard Adams:
Watership Down
The Plague Dogs
Stephen King:
It
The Stand
The whole Dark Tower series
Carrie
The Shining
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird (absolutely everyone should read this book but not in school. Read it on your own, its so much better. Then watch the movie).
Kevin Murphy - A Year at the Movies
Bram Stoker - Dracula (boy did I have some weird dreams while I read this one!)
H.G. Wells:
The Island of Dr. Moreau
The Time Machine
The Invisible Man
Anything and everything by Ray Bradbury.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Oh My Sweet Lord....
I have seen many many many horror movies. Some are scary, some are lame, some are down right terrifying. I have seen few that match up to the sheer terror of this...this thing. That psycho killer mask is supposed to send electric shocks to your face to rejuvenate your skin or some such garbage but look at it! I want to buy it just to freak people out. Can you imagine waking up and seeing someone standing over you with that on? And that song! It just adds to the freaky weirdness of the whole thing. I can imagine it playing while Micheal Myers, in his spiffy new rejuvenation mask, stabs people to death in slow motion. I...I am rendered speechless. When I start making horror movies I hope mine will turn out to be half that subliminally terrifying. David Lynch eat your heart out.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
CYOF: Oh Jeez
The only one that voted last time was Spumkin and he picked that Betsy Ann be Horny. Oh Jeebus, here we go...
You cover your head with your arms and expect the screaming and beatings and cops dragging you off to jail any second but nothing happens. After a bit you uncover your head and stare in disbelief. Instead of kicking you in the face, Betsy Ann is smiling.
"Oh you silly silly boy," she says and pulls you out of the closet by your arm. "Wasn't that uncomfortable in there? Sit here instead." She shoves you onto the bed and laughs. Is this really happening? You want to pinch yourself to make sure but then you'd probably wake up in Geometry class with everyone laughing at the drool all over your desk.
Still clutching her towel around her body she climbs on top of you. "You want me don't you?" She says and rubs her hand on your crotch. She laughs. "I can tell you do."
You try to form some sort of answer, to say anything but she shes got her hand down your pants now and you can hardly breathe.
Then she lets her towel drop and leans over you to kiss your mouth but she stops and sits up. Golly, her boobs are fantastic. You reach out to grab them but she catches your hands.
"Here's the deal big boy. You can do anything to me you want. anything at all, but there's one tiny little simple thing you've got to do for me."
You gasp out "What? What is it, I'll do anything!"
"I want you..." She runs her hand down the front of your jeans again.
"To..." Blue balls hits you like a hammer to the groin and you fall on the ground in a heap, groaning.
"kill my step dad."
You stop and through a blinding wall of pain look up a her.
"Wa--what?" You stammer out.
She puts her hands on her hips and looks at you like a little child.
"If you even want a hand job, I want that prick lying in a pool of his own blood as soon as possible! I don't care how you do it, just do it and do it quick."
She grabs her towel and wraps it around herself again.
"I'll be in my room. And you better not come in till his soul is burning in Hell."
Then she walks out and shuts the door.
Cripes Scoob! What are you going to do now? You've never even seen a girl naked before today and now the greatest moment of your life is so close! Do you dare do such a terrible thing for sex? Do you? And how will you do it if you do?
You cover your head with your arms and expect the screaming and beatings and cops dragging you off to jail any second but nothing happens. After a bit you uncover your head and stare in disbelief. Instead of kicking you in the face, Betsy Ann is smiling.
"Oh you silly silly boy," she says and pulls you out of the closet by your arm. "Wasn't that uncomfortable in there? Sit here instead." She shoves you onto the bed and laughs. Is this really happening? You want to pinch yourself to make sure but then you'd probably wake up in Geometry class with everyone laughing at the drool all over your desk.
Still clutching her towel around her body she climbs on top of you. "You want me don't you?" She says and rubs her hand on your crotch. She laughs. "I can tell you do."
You try to form some sort of answer, to say anything but she shes got her hand down your pants now and you can hardly breathe.
Then she lets her towel drop and leans over you to kiss your mouth but she stops and sits up. Golly, her boobs are fantastic. You reach out to grab them but she catches your hands.
"Here's the deal big boy. You can do anything to me you want. anything at all, but there's one tiny little simple thing you've got to do for me."
You gasp out "What? What is it, I'll do anything!"
"I want you..." She runs her hand down the front of your jeans again.
"To..." Blue balls hits you like a hammer to the groin and you fall on the ground in a heap, groaning.
"kill my step dad."
You stop and through a blinding wall of pain look up a her.
"Wa--what?" You stammer out.
She puts her hands on her hips and looks at you like a little child.
"If you even want a hand job, I want that prick lying in a pool of his own blood as soon as possible! I don't care how you do it, just do it and do it quick."
She grabs her towel and wraps it around herself again.
"I'll be in my room. And you better not come in till his soul is burning in Hell."
Then she walks out and shuts the door.
Cripes Scoob! What are you going to do now? You've never even seen a girl naked before today and now the greatest moment of your life is so close! Do you dare do such a terrible thing for sex? Do you? And how will you do it if you do?
Just had to try it...
I found out about this on the Onion AV Club and I just had to do it:
"New meme: here's a totally random way to make your new random band's new random album cover. Post one! Go to “Wikipedia.” Hit “random” and the first article you get is the name of your band. Then go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. Then, go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days” and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover."
My first attempt:
Band Name: HMNZS Manawanui
Album Title: Laughter is an instant vacation
(Oh and by the way, if you can't save an image to edit it, just right click and hit block image. It will block out the image overlay thats not letting you save.)
Putting it all together with a random picture from Flickr (using my feeble MS Paint Skillz) I got this:
(Click for full size)
Seems to me that HMNZS Manawanui is some kind of Japanese band. Possibly punk? That album cover is too lame to be anything but subversive. Or maybe its some soothing elevator muzak crap. Yeah, I'll go with that one.
That was fun! I think I'll try it again. Here's what I came up with the second time
Band Name: Bantam
Album Title: quite different from being rash
Album cover looks like:
Seems like an 80s cheese rock band but the girl would probably be nakeder. I like how this one turned out.
Oh man, this is too much fun. I'll do one more and then I swear I'll get to CYOF.
Band name: Nail plate
Album Title: become famous without ability
Cover looks like:
Thats a heavy metal cover for sure, lulling you in with its simple and soothing art and then blasting your ears when you put the record on. No band named Nail Plate could be anything but death and destruction and knobs turned up to 11.
You guys gotta do this too!
"New meme: here's a totally random way to make your new random band's new random album cover. Post one! Go to “Wikipedia.” Hit “random” and the first article you get is the name of your band. Then go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. Then, go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days” and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover."
My first attempt:
Band Name: HMNZS Manawanui
Album Title: Laughter is an instant vacation
(Oh and by the way, if you can't save an image to edit it, just right click and hit block image. It will block out the image overlay thats not letting you save.)
Putting it all together with a random picture from Flickr (using my feeble MS Paint Skillz) I got this:
(Click for full size)
Seems to me that HMNZS Manawanui is some kind of Japanese band. Possibly punk? That album cover is too lame to be anything but subversive. Or maybe its some soothing elevator muzak crap. Yeah, I'll go with that one.
That was fun! I think I'll try it again. Here's what I came up with the second time
Band Name: Bantam
Album Title: quite different from being rash
Album cover looks like:
Seems like an 80s cheese rock band but the girl would probably be nakeder. I like how this one turned out.
Oh man, this is too much fun. I'll do one more and then I swear I'll get to CYOF.
Band name: Nail plate
Album Title: become famous without ability
Cover looks like:
Thats a heavy metal cover for sure, lulling you in with its simple and soothing art and then blasting your ears when you put the record on. No band named Nail Plate could be anything but death and destruction and knobs turned up to 11.
You guys gotta do this too!
Quick Questions
What is this Twitter thing all the kids are doing? Would it be worth it to sign up? I get the general idea I guess but it just seems like Facebook with nothing but the status update bar. Am I wrong? I'm so out of touch...
Choose Your Own Fate coming tonight!
Choose Your Own Fate coming tonight!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Random Word Experiment #2
Oh random word generator, I love you so. You know what word it gave me tonight? Horror! I needed a word for inspiration and it gave me horror. Kick ass. Hmmm....thats really broad though. Lets hit refresh and try to get a second word.
Unstable! This is getting interesting. Lets try it a third time.
Employment. Sweet, lets see what kind of stuff we can make out of this.
I was working late when I killed my boss. It was just us handling the "up late" shift at Chicken Shack, which wasn't a shack at all, I don't know why it was called that. My job that night was to cut the chicken up for the Healthy chicken Crunch Wrap menu special item bullshit that were popular because of an annoying jingle they put in their ads. Just about everyone that came in ordered one. So there I was cutting up chicken to make these damn things. The thing is there's a certain way they have to be cut. Everything has to be done by the regulations in Chicken Shack Inc.'s company hand book that they give you when you get hired. I dropped the damn thing on my foot one time. That shit hurt let me tell you.
But anyways, the chicken for the Healthy Chicken Crunch Wrap menu special item has to be cut diagonally in exact equal portions. Every chicken patty that comes frozen in large packs to Chicken Shack kitchens across the world looks exactly the same since its really ground up chicken parts mashed into a spherical shape by a machine. There's even lines burned into it where you have to cut. This is all explained in the hand book by the way, you should really track down a copy on Ebay, very interesting reading. Or to hurl through your neighbors window.
That night my boss, having nothing else to do, contented himself with being a prick. He always was a prick but at least when other people were on shift he could spread it around. And at least when Rachael was there he'd hit on her and the blowjobs she gave him for extra money kept him away for a little bit. That night she was home with her sick kid. At least thats what she said. I think she had some personal business to take care of at the Ballard club downtown. Thats what I think.
Alright, I keep going off on tangents. The boss was looking over my shoulder the whole time I was trying to cut and he telling me I was doing it wrong. And he kept jabbing me in the shoulder. I don't like to be touched and I really don't like to be jabbed with a long bony finger thats been God knows where. So...uh...yeah, I got pissed off and I stabbed him in the eye. Thats about it. It wasn't an accident or anything if thats what you're wondering. I got pissed off and took the fucker's eye out.
The bit with the cooler? I didn't do that. Well, you're not going to believe me if I tell you. Alright. After I stabbed his eye out he was fumblin' around screamin' knockin' pots off the racks, making a damn mess in the kitchen. The reg book would have something to say about that let me tell you, ha ha. You probably saw his hand, he put it in the deep friar. It wasn't in very long but he burnt the shit out of it. Jesus, he was screamin' loud. Then the fucking chicken attacked him. I swear on my mother's grave! He kept dancing around, screaming, making a mess, so I opened the cooler and shoved him in. Then the chicken patties jumped on him, fucking covered up his face so he couldn't breath. You found one down his throat didn't you? Yeah, it crawled in there. Weirdest damn thing I've ever seen and I've seen some weird shit. What's that? Nah, I wasn't on drugs. Not that night anyways.
Yeah yeah, thats my story. Back to my cell right? I hear we're having fried chicken for lunch, you better watch your back officer, ah ha ha!
That was weak, I'm sorry guys. Maybe it could be part of a larger story though, someday.
Unstable! This is getting interesting. Lets try it a third time.
Employment. Sweet, lets see what kind of stuff we can make out of this.
I was working late when I killed my boss. It was just us handling the "up late" shift at Chicken Shack, which wasn't a shack at all, I don't know why it was called that. My job that night was to cut the chicken up for the Healthy chicken Crunch Wrap menu special item bullshit that were popular because of an annoying jingle they put in their ads. Just about everyone that came in ordered one. So there I was cutting up chicken to make these damn things. The thing is there's a certain way they have to be cut. Everything has to be done by the regulations in Chicken Shack Inc.'s company hand book that they give you when you get hired. I dropped the damn thing on my foot one time. That shit hurt let me tell you.
But anyways, the chicken for the Healthy Chicken Crunch Wrap menu special item has to be cut diagonally in exact equal portions. Every chicken patty that comes frozen in large packs to Chicken Shack kitchens across the world looks exactly the same since its really ground up chicken parts mashed into a spherical shape by a machine. There's even lines burned into it where you have to cut. This is all explained in the hand book by the way, you should really track down a copy on Ebay, very interesting reading. Or to hurl through your neighbors window.
That night my boss, having nothing else to do, contented himself with being a prick. He always was a prick but at least when other people were on shift he could spread it around. And at least when Rachael was there he'd hit on her and the blowjobs she gave him for extra money kept him away for a little bit. That night she was home with her sick kid. At least thats what she said. I think she had some personal business to take care of at the Ballard club downtown. Thats what I think.
Alright, I keep going off on tangents. The boss was looking over my shoulder the whole time I was trying to cut and he telling me I was doing it wrong. And he kept jabbing me in the shoulder. I don't like to be touched and I really don't like to be jabbed with a long bony finger thats been God knows where. So...uh...yeah, I got pissed off and I stabbed him in the eye. Thats about it. It wasn't an accident or anything if thats what you're wondering. I got pissed off and took the fucker's eye out.
The bit with the cooler? I didn't do that. Well, you're not going to believe me if I tell you. Alright. After I stabbed his eye out he was fumblin' around screamin' knockin' pots off the racks, making a damn mess in the kitchen. The reg book would have something to say about that let me tell you, ha ha. You probably saw his hand, he put it in the deep friar. It wasn't in very long but he burnt the shit out of it. Jesus, he was screamin' loud. Then the fucking chicken attacked him. I swear on my mother's grave! He kept dancing around, screaming, making a mess, so I opened the cooler and shoved him in. Then the chicken patties jumped on him, fucking covered up his face so he couldn't breath. You found one down his throat didn't you? Yeah, it crawled in there. Weirdest damn thing I've ever seen and I've seen some weird shit. What's that? Nah, I wasn't on drugs. Not that night anyways.
Yeah yeah, thats my story. Back to my cell right? I hear we're having fried chicken for lunch, you better watch your back officer, ah ha ha!
That was weak, I'm sorry guys. Maybe it could be part of a larger story though, someday.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Choose Your Own Fate: Up Dem Purty Stairs
Hmmm, you'd better try upstairs. If you go into the kitchen you'll just end up eating as much food as you can get your hands on and if you go into the living room you'll just lie down and take a nap. If you go into the back yard you'll run around chasing butterflies till someone calls the cops. You are a very strange person, I'll give you that.
You grip the stair riser and slowly creep up trying not to make a sound. When you get to the top you can hear water running. It's coming from the door right in front of you. You walk up to it and push it open a tiny bit. It's a bathroom and there is a shower running. You can see someone moving behind the opaque curtain. Someone naked, you guess. Suddenly the form turns and looks at you and you book it across the hallway into the first door you can find, hiding in the closet. Why didn't you just go back downstairs, dumbass! You hear the water shutoff and then footsteps coming down the hall. They stop at the door and it slowly opens. From your position cowering behind a stack of board games you can't see out the slats very well. Maybe you could if you moved a bit, but you wouldn't want to make noise would you?
Suddenly the closet door swings open and there is Betsy Ann wearing nothing but a towel staring right at you, her hair is still dripping wet.
Is she:
Angry?
Happy?
Horny?
Sad?
Does she run screaming down the hallway?
Or does she grab the nearest object to beat you with?
Or does she not see you at all?
Or make up your own reaction.
You grip the stair riser and slowly creep up trying not to make a sound. When you get to the top you can hear water running. It's coming from the door right in front of you. You walk up to it and push it open a tiny bit. It's a bathroom and there is a shower running. You can see someone moving behind the opaque curtain. Someone naked, you guess. Suddenly the form turns and looks at you and you book it across the hallway into the first door you can find, hiding in the closet. Why didn't you just go back downstairs, dumbass! You hear the water shutoff and then footsteps coming down the hall. They stop at the door and it slowly opens. From your position cowering behind a stack of board games you can't see out the slats very well. Maybe you could if you moved a bit, but you wouldn't want to make noise would you?
Suddenly the closet door swings open and there is Betsy Ann wearing nothing but a towel staring right at you, her hair is still dripping wet.
Is she:
Angry?
Happy?
Horny?
Sad?
Does she run screaming down the hallway?
Or does she grab the nearest object to beat you with?
Or does she not see you at all?
Or make up your own reaction.
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