(To be sung by a cheesy folk singer with a soft guitar)
If I were famous
I'd buy us a home
On an island far away
You would come to live with me
You'd never have to roam
In our house you'd stay
Oh, I'd lock you in the basement
With chains around your feet
I'd feed you bread and water
And chunks of bloody meat
And I'd come down
Just to say hello
And that I love you so
If I were famous
I'd make you love me too
But if not
It's okay
You'll make
A tasty
Stew.
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