Kelly's Story

Depression rips the guts out of you. It steals away your insides along with your will to do anything but sit and stare at it's ugly face. It's a selfish monster and it wants you all to itself. Kelly thought it was good that she was alone. Even if she had had someone over, someone to talk to, it wouldn't have made it any better. That person would either get bored with her rambling on about how empty she felt, or they'd pity her. Either one would have just made things worse.
Not that she had anyone to talk to anyways, not since she had last her job two weeks ago. Not that she had been real good friends with anyone at work anyways, but at least it was some sort of social contact...
The wind howled outside, blowing the fine grained snow around like clouds of dust during a desert sandstorm. Kelly wrapped her thick quilt tighter around herself. She thought about how her even though this shithole apartment wasn't very warm, at least it was something. In another month she might not have the luxury of mild warmth, when her savings ran out. She didn't even have a car....
She settled further down in her recliner and tried to sleep, but it was going to be a long time coming. Her head was pounding, and every time she swallowed, her ears plugged up and she had to sit up and swallow again to clear them. She thought about how she should have gone to the doctor when she started feeling sick last week. No money for that though. Plus she'd have to shower, wash the grease out of her hair, change out of the pajamas she'd been wearing for 4 days straight, and then walk out into the cold until she found a taxi....
That all took effort, effort she didn't want to expend. No, it was better to just sit her with her old friend depression. To let it whisper in her ear, giving her the comforting feeling of being sad and pathetic....
In the dark of the apartment, the TV was a small box of light, sort of comforting in a way. Inside the box an old man was walking around a stage in front of a crowd of people. He was talking about Jesus. Jesus needed money. He held up various objects that you could buy if you wanted Jesus to love you. Porcelain angels, thin looking books of hymns, thrift store prayer beads. The old man's wrinkly face was warm and kind, but his eyes were cold and calculating. Kelly wondered what drove people to send men like this money, to buy into their scams. Probably people lonelier and more pathetic than her. Was that possible?
As the old man led the crowd of people in singing a gospel style version of "Jesus Loves Me" Kelly drifted off to sleep...

Mrs. Ellis was teaching math. That was all Mrs. Ellis taught to Kelly's group. They went down the hall to Mr. Brownstone to learn English and history, and down to the other end to Ms. Bagland to learn science. What year was this? Kelly shifted in her desk and looked at the brown haired boy sitting next to her. She didn't recognize him at all. Mrs. Ellis's voice was an unintelligible drone at the front of the classroom. The boy leaned in close to her and whispered. Kelly noticed with disgust that his teeth were several shades of yellowish brown.
"Death is the way to the seventh planet. The key is on the back of the hallway door...."
With a shock she suddenly realized who the kid was. Ralph Baio. He had fallen off the monkey bars and landed on his head in...6th grade. This was 6th grade, 1996.
And just like that, he was gone. His desk was covered with dark red blood.
Suddenly Kelly was very frightened. This was wrong, this was all wrong...
And suddenly she was on the swing-set in the school yard, the one that they taken down a the year she had started 8th grade, the year they had gotten all new playground equipment. Safer. The older stuff was all rusting metal...
The playground was empty and the sky was slate grey. A soft breeze was blowing and Kelly was sure that if this was reality and not just a dream, she would feel a little chilled.
The girl sitting on the swing next to her was very fat. So fat, in fact that the rubber seat under her looked like it would break at any moment. Kelly recognized her right away. Marie Douvant. Her parents had been very rich and no one in class had liked her much because she was very snotty. She had had a few friends though, ones that didn't mind her constantly bossing them around...
What had happened to her? Kelly hadn't thought of her in years. Moved away after sixth grade? No, that couldn't have been right. She had been around that first year of 7th grade. Even made it into the year book. Where had she gone after that?
Kelly wanted to ask her but, the girl looked so sad. She sat, her eyes closed, head bowed, looking at her expensive, but now very out of style shoes.
Finally after what seemed like forever, she spoke.
"It wasn't my fault." Kelly could just barley make out what she was saying, her voice was a low mumble, "When they took out, it looked so sad. It was so tiny and small and helpless. But it wasn't my fault. I didn't want it there in the first place...."
And then there was darkness, absolute, suffocating. And then there was the softer darkness of the apartment. The TV with a woman on it now, her make-up heavy and thick, almost clown-like. And the wind outside, howling to itself, screaming of pain that only it knew.
Kelly was crying, softly sobbing to herself, tears running down her cheeks. She hadn't cried for a long time. And she couldn't even remember why she was crying now...