So there you are: Standing at the door of the girl that broke your heart, some strange alien goop covered in blood and snot concealed in your hand, ready to mash it into her face. Oh sweet revenge, thy name is goop. You rap on the door delicately so as not to alert suspicions. You can hear noises in the house, someone is coming to the door. They get closer. CLOSER! You pull your hand back to throw, your brow furrows in concentration. Sweat beads on your forehead...this is it, the grand moment. Possibly the greatest moment of your teenhood, nay, of your life! The footsteps get up to the door and stop. The knob turns slowly. SLOWLY! And the door creaks open...
Before you even look to see who answered your knocks, you let the crud fly. Your wussy toss causes it to arc and it lands on the shirt of Rock Fizzlebeef (yup thats really his name) Betsy Ann's 300 LB wad of muscle and veins boyfriend! Oh geez, you're really in trouble now! Run for it!
You try to run but he grabs on to the back of your shirt and your legs spin uselessly just like in a cartoon. He picks you up and puts your face right next to his.
"Whyfore you throw snot on my shirt?" He growls. His breath smells like mothballs and old cabbage. You gag.
"Dat not very nice of you. WHYFORE YOU THROW SNOT AT MES?" He's breathing hard and shouting now. You feel your stomach start to turn flops.
"DAT NOT VERY NICE, I PUT CLEAN SHIRT ON TODAY FOR BETSY ANN AND YOU MAKE IT YUCKY! BETSY ANN NOT LIKE YUCKY SHIRT! I MAKE YOU PAY!"
As he raises his hand to turn your face into a bloody pulp you let go and vomit up food you don't even remember eating. All over jock boys face. He screams and drops you and runs into the house screaming surprisingly girly screams. You laugh and wipe off your mouth. Your weak as shit stomach finally did some good! But what of Betsy Ann? Now that your thoughts of revenge have been tempered, you decide to go profess your love to her again. But where to look?
Alright guys. There's a stairs to your left and a living room to your right, devoid of people. The couches look comfy though. Ahead of you, you can see a kitchen and a window onto a backyard. Pick a direction!
Showing posts with label oh for fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oh for fun. Show all posts
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Choose Your Own Fate Part 5
1.) You must escape the horrible torture of sitcom after sitcom, so you remind the thing about its demand to go to the garage.
Will do Spitter!
Oh God, another Brady Bunch episode! If this keeps up you'll have Jan Brady's voice stuck in your head forever! With an amazing force of will you leap up and knock the TV over where it lands on the floor in a flash of electric sparks and smoke. Then everything thing is dark and silent. You stand for what seems like an eternity, breathing heavily before the voice in your head speaks up softly and eerily calm.
"Why did you do that? That was very rude of you. Now you will have to be punished!" It says. You think fast,
"Because....because we still have to go to the garage, remember? You really wanted to go there! Don't hurt me!"
"Hmmm," the thing ponders for a bit, "Yes, you're right. The hilarity of American scripted comedy distracted me from my true mission! Let us go!"
Suddenly you're running full speed through the kitchen, past the basement stairs, and to the door leading to the garage. Too bad the thing forgets to make you open the damn thing and you slam right into it. You sit on the floor holding your bleeding nose.
"DOOR OPEN NOW PITIFUL HUMAN SCUM!" Screams the thing. "OR I KILL YOU FOOL POOPY JERK FACE PASTY SKINNED WEAK STUPID BUTT HEAD..."
What will you do now?
1. Open the door and see what it was that it wanted in the garage.
2. There's a plunger in the basement bathroom, maybe that would work to get it out of your head somehow?
3. This is all too much! Scream your head off and pee your pants.
4. Sit and sing Top of the World by The Carpenters.
5. Sing Carpenter's songs while you waltz into the garage.
Will do Spitter!
Oh God, another Brady Bunch episode! If this keeps up you'll have Jan Brady's voice stuck in your head forever! With an amazing force of will you leap up and knock the TV over where it lands on the floor in a flash of electric sparks and smoke. Then everything thing is dark and silent. You stand for what seems like an eternity, breathing heavily before the voice in your head speaks up softly and eerily calm.
"Why did you do that? That was very rude of you. Now you will have to be punished!" It says. You think fast,
"Because....because we still have to go to the garage, remember? You really wanted to go there! Don't hurt me!"
"Hmmm," the thing ponders for a bit, "Yes, you're right. The hilarity of American scripted comedy distracted me from my true mission! Let us go!"
Suddenly you're running full speed through the kitchen, past the basement stairs, and to the door leading to the garage. Too bad the thing forgets to make you open the damn thing and you slam right into it. You sit on the floor holding your bleeding nose.
"DOOR OPEN NOW PITIFUL HUMAN SCUM!" Screams the thing. "OR I KILL YOU FOOL POOPY JERK FACE PASTY SKINNED WEAK STUPID BUTT HEAD..."
What will you do now?
1. Open the door and see what it was that it wanted in the garage.
2. There's a plunger in the basement bathroom, maybe that would work to get it out of your head somehow?
3. This is all too much! Scream your head off and pee your pants.
4. Sit and sing Top of the World by The Carpenters.
5. Sing Carpenter's songs while you waltz into the garage.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Choose Your Own Fate Part 3
You have chosen...option 4. Thank you, one moment please...
You stare at the purple and green blob of smelly goo and your stomach rumbles. You got sent to your room without dinner earlier that day for drawing mustaches on all the pictures of Nixon in the morning paper. "Goddamn it," your Dad yelled, "You may not like him but I voted for him so we're stuck! You'll respect him and Agnew or you'll get no supper!"
You frown. Stupid Nixon. You've made up your mind, you will eat this thing. It looks like it needs something...You spin your mother's spice rack around and pull out two random jars: Paprika and cloves. Hmmm, you think, maybe if I cook it first...
You oil the pan down and dump the thing in it. It's one eye looks around nervously and it shifts a bit as you cover it in spices. Then you add cheese and an old wrinkly green pepper and turn on the heat.
The thing screams and jumps out of the pan, latching itself onto your head! You flail around trying to pull it off, you'd scream but its covering your mouth and slowly working its way up your nostrils! You can't breath!
Bit by bit it crawls up your nostril cavity and vanishes. You sit down, taking gasping breaths, wondering what to do next when a voice whispers from inside your skull.
"Go to the garage. Do it now!" It says in creepy whisper. "Do it now or I'll do this!"
Suddenly your legs go numb and you fall face first to the floor. The thing in your head laughs.
What will you do now?
1. Listen to the thing, before it does something really bad!
2. Run to the weird scientist neighbor's house that lives down the street.
3. get a needle nose pliers from the basement and pull it out.
4. Call 911.
5. Screw this, you're missing Good Times! GO and watch TV and ignore the thing in your head.
You stare at the purple and green blob of smelly goo and your stomach rumbles. You got sent to your room without dinner earlier that day for drawing mustaches on all the pictures of Nixon in the morning paper. "Goddamn it," your Dad yelled, "You may not like him but I voted for him so we're stuck! You'll respect him and Agnew or you'll get no supper!"
You frown. Stupid Nixon. You've made up your mind, you will eat this thing. It looks like it needs something...You spin your mother's spice rack around and pull out two random jars: Paprika and cloves. Hmmm, you think, maybe if I cook it first...
You oil the pan down and dump the thing in it. It's one eye looks around nervously and it shifts a bit as you cover it in spices. Then you add cheese and an old wrinkly green pepper and turn on the heat.
The thing screams and jumps out of the pan, latching itself onto your head! You flail around trying to pull it off, you'd scream but its covering your mouth and slowly working its way up your nostrils! You can't breath!
Bit by bit it crawls up your nostril cavity and vanishes. You sit down, taking gasping breaths, wondering what to do next when a voice whispers from inside your skull.
"Go to the garage. Do it now!" It says in creepy whisper. "Do it now or I'll do this!"
Suddenly your legs go numb and you fall face first to the floor. The thing in your head laughs.
What will you do now?
1. Listen to the thing, before it does something really bad!
2. Run to the weird scientist neighbor's house that lives down the street.
3. get a needle nose pliers from the basement and pull it out.
4. Call 911.
5. Screw this, you're missing Good Times! GO and watch TV and ignore the thing in your head.
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