My Text Based Adventure Game Part 3

Start game from last save point.
Loading....
Game loaded.

You are standing in a small dungeon like cell. The door is wide open and you can see the guard who was previously guarding you, now asleep on his feet.
> Check inventory
You are currently holding: A metal pan, a hollowed out book, a small yellow whistle, a grease smeared tunic, and a flask of clear liquid.
> Put tunic on
How about no? That things pretty gross man. You'll have to stay naked for the time being.
> Play with self
Dude, what kind of a game do you think this is?
> Blow whistle
You give the tiny yellow thing a mighty blow but nothing happens.
> Blow whistle again
Something smacks you upside the head and knocks you out. When you awake, your whistle is gone. Nice going.
> Drink liquid
You quaff the clear liquid down in three greedy gulps. It tastes like bacon flavored vodka but doesn't seem to have any adverse effects.
> Walk out of dungeon
You try to but you find that your body is suddenly bloated and disgusting. It rapidly expands, occasionally growing nasty tentacles of loose flesh and muscle. You grab the guard with one of these and crush his body into pulp, which you then absorb. Your now sick bloated form fills the small room and crashes through the roof. As you look out over the landscape you realize that you now have unlimited power and can now eat the universe! You slog around the land, eating any trees and cows in your path till a farmer stabs you with his pitchfork and all of your fluids leak out, leaving you a nasty mess on the ground. You are cut up and your skin is used for clothing for several small farm families. At least you did some good before you died right? Sadly, it doesn't make your demise suck any less.

You are standing in a small dungeon like cell. The door is wide open and you can see the guard who was previously guarding you, now asleep on his feet.
> Walk out of cell
You are standing in front of the sleeping guard. To your left is an open door down a short passageway. Past the wall the guard is leaning against, is a set of stairs leading upward and a passageway leading to the right. To your immediate right is a passageway featuring a row of prison doors.
> Look at guard
Wow, he's an ugly mother isn't he? Good thing he's asleep. He is wearing rather heavy looking leather armor and a hat with horns sticking out the sides. Around his neck is a satchel. At his side is a heavy looking ax.
> Pick up ax
You try with all your might but the ax is too heavy for the puny likes of you.
> Take hat from guard
Deftly you pull the hat off the guards head waking him up in the process. Of course.
"Oi!" He shouts, "Whats all this then? A hat thief? Hey, aren't you supposed to be in your cell?"
He punches you hard and when you wake up you are strapped to a stretching rack and the guard is burning your feet with a hot iron.
"Teach you to steal hats from me!" Says the guard.
"ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!" Says you.

You are standing in a small dungeon like cell. The door is wide open and you can see the guard who was previously guarding you, now asleep on his feet.
> Walk out of cell
You are standing in front of the sleeping guard. To your left is an open door down a short passageway. Past the wall the guard is leaning against, is a set of stairs leading upward and a passageway leading to the right. To your immediate right is a passageway featuring a row of prison doors.
> Look at guards satchel
It's large and brown and looks like it has interesting things inside of it. Just like your sister!
> Take satchel
You deftly lift the satchel strap and bring it over the guards head, thankfully he doesn't wake up. Good thing you didn't try to take his hat! I hear he's very attached to it.
The satchel will now double as your inventory.
> Check inventory
You are holding: A metal pan, a hollowed out book, a small yellow whistle, a grease smeared tunic, a flask of clear liquid, a small brown bottle, and a small half eaten sandwich.
> Look at bottle
It's a small brown bottle.
> Open bottle
You pull out the stopper. Pee-u! It's smells like the groin area of a Garunther after a week of not bathing. (Not that you'd know anything about that, right?)
> Look at sandwich
It's a small half eaten sandwich. The meat looks pretty rotten and the cheese is way past stale. But maybe it will have a use later...HINT HINT!
> Move down right hallway
You are standing in front of what looks like a combination of torture chamber and armory. There's lots of nasty looking torture devises every where but also racks of swords and shields and armor. Sitting in the far corner next to the rack is a grumpy looking fat man in black robes.
> Save game
Game save in progress...
Game saved.
> Enter room
You enter and the man stands up.
"Hey you!" He shouts, "What are you doing here all naked like that? Are you an escaped prisoner?"
> Sing the man a song
You clear your throat and bellow: "I SAW THE SIGN! AND IT OPENED UP MY EYES I SAW THE SIGN! NO ONES GONNA DRAG YOU UP, TO GET INTO THE LIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG..."
The man's jaw drops open.
"That's the rebellion's national song! You are supposed to be a prisoner!"
Soon you find yourself in another cell but this time you are chained up to a wall with no chance of escape at all. Soon you die of starvation and the rats eat your body.

You are standing in front of what looks like a combination of torture chamber and armory. There's lots of nasty looking torture devises every where but also racks of swords and shields and armor. Sitting in the far corner next to the rack is a grumpy looking fat man in black robes.
> Enter room
You enter and the man stands up.
"Hey you!" He shouts, "What are you doing here all naked like that? Are you an escaped prisoner?"
> No
The man smiles. "Alright then! I'm gonna go get me a bite to eat. It's pretty boring around here with no one to torture! Could you watch the room for me while I'm gone? Make sure no one steals anything, thanks!"
And with that he waddles down the hallway and out of your sight, completely ignoring the sleeping guard.
> Look at swords
There's three different kinds: Sharp looking master swords, curved scimitars, and puny little daggers.
> Take master sword
Hooray, now you're armed! Now you can stab things!
> Take dagger
Hey, don't get greedy now! One sword is enough for the likes of you!
> Look at shields
There's three kinds: Fancy looking metal Hyrulian shields, strange looking small shields that are probably magic of some sort, and used shields that are full of holes.
> Take Hyrulian Shield
Good choice! Of course that will make the game easier but also more boring, but who am I to tell you how to play? *cough cough, wuss*
> Look at armor
There's only leather type armor. Take it or leave it.
> Take armor
Great, now you're not naked! Of course you still have no underwear on...
> save game
Game save in progress...
Game saved.
> Quit
Are you sure you want to quit? The game is just getting good!
> Yes
Fine, go have a real life while your character sits and waits for you to come back. We'll just play cards and talk about you behind your back....

Stay tuned for part 4 tomorrow!