The 70s and 80s were certainly a dark time for cartoons. Mostly because executives thought kids would want to sit through crap like this:
While not based on a TV show, this one is included because it was riding on Coleman's popularity on Different Strokes. And because it's fucking awful.
Edit: According to TVtropes, this was based off of Coleman's made for TV movie,The Kid with the Broken Halo. Knowing this does not make the fact that the cartoon exists make any more sense.
Before we get into the 70s, lets look at another one from the 80s when this awful trend was starting to die off:
Do you remember Punky Brewster? Nope, neither do I. I wonder if she had a magical cat in the live action show too?
How the Hell would you come up with something like this? Why would you waste time and money and animator's wrists making it? What lame kid was watching? Well that goes for most of these shows. At least it's not as bad as...
Poor Wolfman Jack. I wonder how much he got paid to do the theme "song." At one point he sounds flabbergasted for a second, like he had to pause and go "what in the name of Elvis's back hair am I reading?"
Oh and if that's not enough, they combined both shows with a third!
Can you imagine going to school and admitting to your friends that you watched The Mork and Mindy, Laverne and Shirley, and the Fonz Hour? I'm pretty sure what few friends you had would start keeping their distance pretty quickly.
Oh and did you know that there were two Gilligan's Island cartoons? In the first one they were back on the island again somehow:
What I want to know is why they got rid of the catchy theme song? The new one sucks as much as I'm sure the cartoon did. It must not have done very well because they made another one....IN SPACE!:
And they re-worked the opening theme from the earlier cartoon. Great. Too bad that planet they landed on had a breathable atmosphere...
Wait, are you done vomiting yet? Get ready to run for the toilet again!:
Hooh-rah, wasn't that fun? Oh wait, I'm not even done yet!
Again, why did they get rid of the original theme song and replace it with crap? Or better yet, why was the show made in the first place? Dukes of Hazard was cartoony enough on it's own!
Oh Hanna Barbara, why why why why why?
Again: awful idea, awful animation, terrible theme song. WHO WAS WATCHING THIS CRAP?
Alright, I feel a bit sick and I'll bet you do to so I'll just...
PARTRIDGE FAMILY CARTOON!
IN SPACE! Well, in the future anyways. Way to horribly rip-off the Jetsons though.
Alright, I'll leave you with this song from the animated spin-off of Be-witched oddly titled, Tabitha, Adam, and the Clown Family.
Edit: Try muting this last clip and playing Closer by NIN over it. I dare you!
Happy nightmares cartoon fans!
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Animated_Spinoffs_from_Prime_Time_Shows
Friday, February 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Throw em at me
Yeah I deleted the last post. No, I'm not going to finish it. You know why? Because I can't write about realistic boy/girl relationships. Why? Because the few that I've had have ended very badly. Plus I didn't like the tone of the thing at all. I was just really not happy with the thing, even if it was just the first part.
Oh well, easy come easy go I guess.
I haven't had a good idea for awhile now and It's really killing me.
So throw something at me you guys. What would you like me to write about? It can be anything at all, fucked up or not. I'm kind of slamming my head into a wall here. Think of this as me taking commissions, but for free. (Unless you want to pay me, that'd be really nice!)
Oh well, easy come easy go I guess.
I haven't had a good idea for awhile now and It's really killing me.
So throw something at me you guys. What would you like me to write about? It can be anything at all, fucked up or not. I'm kind of slamming my head into a wall here. Think of this as me taking commissions, but for free. (Unless you want to pay me, that'd be really nice!)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Werewolf...Monday?
Yeah, I should save this for Wednesday. Oh well, I feel like posting it today. I never knew there were so many songs about werewolves till I started thinking of all the one's I knew. Of course you have to start with the king of all lycanthropic odes:
"You better stay away from him, he'll rip your lungs out Jim!" I love Warren Zevon.
I just read that this song was supposedly inspired by Wolfen!:
My werewolf movie will have this song in it's opening credits sequence, and it will rule.
Fang is one of my favorite punk bands, this song is great but not my favorite by them. That would be Destroy the Handicapped. Love the howls at the end though!
This is what parents were up in arms about their kids listening to in the 80s:
Maybe if I watch this cheesy video enough times, I'll turn into a man-wolf. Or turn into Ozzy. Nah, all I'd have to do for that to happen is do truckloads of drugs till my brain doesn't function right.
Alright, so now we get into songs that aren't about werewolves, but seem to fit anyways. How many of you have seen American Werewolf in London? Well, you should, it's awesome.
Anyways, they use this song during one of my favorite scenes:
I'll forever associate this song with werewolves now, and this one too:
I think AWIL had like three different versions that play at different parts of the movie.
And finally, Elvis:
How cool would a werewolf movie set in the 1950s be? I'd love to make a tribute to the cheesy 1950s monster movies I love so much and use a soundtrack that's all rockabilly.
Alright, now I'm inspired. I'll start stewing up basic ideas for this script tonight and tomorrow and maybe write a bit of it down. So what do you think would be cooler, a badass modern take on the werewolf mythos, or a retro-homage set in the 50s?
Edit: For some reason Blogger hasn't been letting me post comments on my own blog, so don't think I'm ignoring any of you in the comments section!
"You better stay away from him, he'll rip your lungs out Jim!" I love Warren Zevon.
I just read that this song was supposedly inspired by Wolfen!:
My werewolf movie will have this song in it's opening credits sequence, and it will rule.
Fang is one of my favorite punk bands, this song is great but not my favorite by them. That would be Destroy the Handicapped. Love the howls at the end though!
This is what parents were up in arms about their kids listening to in the 80s:
Maybe if I watch this cheesy video enough times, I'll turn into a man-wolf. Or turn into Ozzy. Nah, all I'd have to do for that to happen is do truckloads of drugs till my brain doesn't function right.
Alright, so now we get into songs that aren't about werewolves, but seem to fit anyways. How many of you have seen American Werewolf in London? Well, you should, it's awesome.
Anyways, they use this song during one of my favorite scenes:
I'll forever associate this song with werewolves now, and this one too:
I think AWIL had like three different versions that play at different parts of the movie.
And finally, Elvis:
How cool would a werewolf movie set in the 1950s be? I'd love to make a tribute to the cheesy 1950s monster movies I love so much and use a soundtrack that's all rockabilly.
Alright, now I'm inspired. I'll start stewing up basic ideas for this script tonight and tomorrow and maybe write a bit of it down. So what do you think would be cooler, a badass modern take on the werewolf mythos, or a retro-homage set in the 50s?
Edit: For some reason Blogger hasn't been letting me post comments on my own blog, so don't think I'm ignoring any of you in the comments section!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
How I Wasted my Weekend
I really can't trust myself. I got about a quarter of the way through The A.B.C Murders, set it down for a bit, and ended up watching movies for the rest of my weekend. Oh well, do what makes you happy right? I'll try to finish this book up sometime this week. So...movies? Okay.
You know what bugs me? The fact that there's very few good werewolf movies out there. It sounds like an awesome concept, but apparently it's hard to pull off because I've seen a ton of awful ones and I can count the good ones on my hand. Bad Moon(1996) is not one of the good ones. It starts off alright, not good exactly, but cheesy fun all the same. There's a couple of annoying rich tourists on vacation in the jungle somewhere, they have sex and are attacked by a werewolf. Where the wolfman of the jungle came from is never explained. The woman is brutally attacked and the man is beat up pretty good till he gets a shotgun and blows the things head off.
This opening is almost completely different in tone from the rest of the movie. After that it turns into a glurgy family film, almost like a lifetime original movie. It's still gory in parts and the effects (other than a really dated CGI morphing scene) are pretty good. But the gore is at odds with the wholesome family feel of the rest of the film. It's like two completely different movies that don't mesh well. It's also stupid and full of plot holes John Goodman could fit through.
And it's not scary. Well, I counted one good scare, right at the end of the movie, it's like they weren't even trying to make it creepy in any way and the last one was an accident. So yeah, this one sucks.
Things I learned from watching this movie:
1. Trailers can magically transport themselves where ever you need them to be.
2. Despite what you think, the power of love cannot cure lycanthropy.
3. Don't leave pictures of your dead wife's mauled body out where people can see it, It's just not a good idea.
1981 was a great year for werewolves. In fact, it's probably the best year for them ever film-wise. There were three good successful lycanthropic flicks that year. First was The Howling. The second was American Werewolf in London. The third is kind of forgotten, and not as good as the first two, but it's still miles ahead of most of the other shitty attempts at werewolf movies.
Wolfen (1981) is sort of a mystery story that doesn't follow any of the werewolf legends that were set up by Kurt Siodmak for The Wolfman in 1941. A rich man, his wife, and their chauffeur, are killed by something while taking a coked up side trip to a park. Not just killed, but brutally mauled. The man's brain is found missing, all of it.
Of course you know it's werewolves, but where do they come from, in New York City of all places? The truth turns out to be kind of underwhelming, but it's quite a ride getting there. The movie is a bit slow, but it has some really creepy moments that make the whole thing worth sitting through. I'm not sure if the run down decayed city sets a large part of the movie was filmed in were real, but they sure look like it. The burnt out church is one of the coolest looking sets I've ever seen and it provides one of the most nightmare inducing images of all the hundreds of horror films I've sat through. Of course, your mileage may vary, but I liked this one a lot.
Some interesting trivia bits: This film is the second of director Michael Wadleigh, and his only non-Woodstock film. After this he would release a few straight to video documentaries about the festival and then pretty much vanish from the film world altogether.
Wadleigh claims that Wolfen isn't a horror movie at all but a political film that was taken from him by the studio and re-edited. It'd be interesting to see his cut of it, or at least a commentary track, which the DVD doesn't have.
Alright, so that was my Saturday. Sunday was Toho day. Well, bargain bin Toho day anyways. I found a double feature of Mothra movies in the bin for five bucks. I can't resist a cheesy Japanese monster movie, especially two for a dirt cheap price. These were...well...goofy. To say the least.
Mosura (1996) was released in the US as Rebirth of Mothra. It and it's sequel, Mosura 2 - Kaitei no daikessen (1997), released in the US as Rebirth of Mothra II, are two films in a Mothra re-boot trilogy. Why the third one hasn't been released in the US, I have no idea. They could have just stuffed in on the first side of the DVD. Why they only released both films in a terrible English dub, I have no idea either. At least they don't look cut at all, except they took the credits out. (Grumble.)
I suppose since these are both aimed at kids, like the Gamera flicks, they figured kids wouldn't care.
So how do I describe watching these? Well, take your average 90s Nickelodeon movies, and put giant fighting monsters in them. The doomy feeling and city destruction of the Godzilla movies is almost completely gone and is replaced by dumb slapstick and ham-fisted environmental messages. They also focus more on the humans, which always pisses me off. Nobody pays for these things to see whiny cardboard actors. We want to see guys in rubber suits beating the crap out of each other! The second movie is much better because we see more monster fighting and because it has a Furby with a penis on it's head who's piss can cure injuries. At the end, the Furby sacrifices itself to save the giant bug, leaving it's kid heroes to regard it with awe. Later they will start a church and worship it as a god. Remember kids, Furby died for your sins.
But anyways, Mothra is interesting, but no Godzilla. A giant moth isn't as cool as a giant fire-breathing lizard. Even if it does have two hot faeries that worship it. I'd say these were worth five bucks, but both were way overlong and too kid-friendly for their own good.
What say you Tiki Bear?
"Your taste in movies sucks and so do you!"
Hey, that's not very nice, I rescued you from the cold outside!
"I'd rather have frozen to death than watched Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders."
You're just bitter because you have no genitals....
And with that, I bid you all a fond adieu. Thanks for reading!
Totally random thing at the end:
I want this song played at my funeral:
You know what bugs me? The fact that there's very few good werewolf movies out there. It sounds like an awesome concept, but apparently it's hard to pull off because I've seen a ton of awful ones and I can count the good ones on my hand. Bad Moon(1996) is not one of the good ones. It starts off alright, not good exactly, but cheesy fun all the same. There's a couple of annoying rich tourists on vacation in the jungle somewhere, they have sex and are attacked by a werewolf. Where the wolfman of the jungle came from is never explained. The woman is brutally attacked and the man is beat up pretty good till he gets a shotgun and blows the things head off.
This opening is almost completely different in tone from the rest of the movie. After that it turns into a glurgy family film, almost like a lifetime original movie. It's still gory in parts and the effects (other than a really dated CGI morphing scene) are pretty good. But the gore is at odds with the wholesome family feel of the rest of the film. It's like two completely different movies that don't mesh well. It's also stupid and full of plot holes John Goodman could fit through.
And it's not scary. Well, I counted one good scare, right at the end of the movie, it's like they weren't even trying to make it creepy in any way and the last one was an accident. So yeah, this one sucks.
Things I learned from watching this movie:
1. Trailers can magically transport themselves where ever you need them to be.
2. Despite what you think, the power of love cannot cure lycanthropy.
3. Don't leave pictures of your dead wife's mauled body out where people can see it, It's just not a good idea.
1981 was a great year for werewolves. In fact, it's probably the best year for them ever film-wise. There were three good successful lycanthropic flicks that year. First was The Howling. The second was American Werewolf in London. The third is kind of forgotten, and not as good as the first two, but it's still miles ahead of most of the other shitty attempts at werewolf movies.
Wolfen (1981) is sort of a mystery story that doesn't follow any of the werewolf legends that were set up by Kurt Siodmak for The Wolfman in 1941. A rich man, his wife, and their chauffeur, are killed by something while taking a coked up side trip to a park. Not just killed, but brutally mauled. The man's brain is found missing, all of it.
Of course you know it's werewolves, but where do they come from, in New York City of all places? The truth turns out to be kind of underwhelming, but it's quite a ride getting there. The movie is a bit slow, but it has some really creepy moments that make the whole thing worth sitting through. I'm not sure if the run down decayed city sets a large part of the movie was filmed in were real, but they sure look like it. The burnt out church is one of the coolest looking sets I've ever seen and it provides one of the most nightmare inducing images of all the hundreds of horror films I've sat through. Of course, your mileage may vary, but I liked this one a lot.
Some interesting trivia bits: This film is the second of director Michael Wadleigh, and his only non-Woodstock film. After this he would release a few straight to video documentaries about the festival and then pretty much vanish from the film world altogether.
Wadleigh claims that Wolfen isn't a horror movie at all but a political film that was taken from him by the studio and re-edited. It'd be interesting to see his cut of it, or at least a commentary track, which the DVD doesn't have.
Alright, so that was my Saturday. Sunday was Toho day. Well, bargain bin Toho day anyways. I found a double feature of Mothra movies in the bin for five bucks. I can't resist a cheesy Japanese monster movie, especially two for a dirt cheap price. These were...well...goofy. To say the least.
Mosura (1996) was released in the US as Rebirth of Mothra. It and it's sequel, Mosura 2 - Kaitei no daikessen (1997), released in the US as Rebirth of Mothra II, are two films in a Mothra re-boot trilogy. Why the third one hasn't been released in the US, I have no idea. They could have just stuffed in on the first side of the DVD. Why they only released both films in a terrible English dub, I have no idea either. At least they don't look cut at all, except they took the credits out. (Grumble.)
I suppose since these are both aimed at kids, like the Gamera flicks, they figured kids wouldn't care.
So how do I describe watching these? Well, take your average 90s Nickelodeon movies, and put giant fighting monsters in them. The doomy feeling and city destruction of the Godzilla movies is almost completely gone and is replaced by dumb slapstick and ham-fisted environmental messages. They also focus more on the humans, which always pisses me off. Nobody pays for these things to see whiny cardboard actors. We want to see guys in rubber suits beating the crap out of each other! The second movie is much better because we see more monster fighting and because it has a Furby with a penis on it's head who's piss can cure injuries. At the end, the Furby sacrifices itself to save the giant bug, leaving it's kid heroes to regard it with awe. Later they will start a church and worship it as a god. Remember kids, Furby died for your sins.
But anyways, Mothra is interesting, but no Godzilla. A giant moth isn't as cool as a giant fire-breathing lizard. Even if it does have two hot faeries that worship it. I'd say these were worth five bucks, but both were way overlong and too kid-friendly for their own good.
What say you Tiki Bear?
"Your taste in movies sucks and so do you!"
Hey, that's not very nice, I rescued you from the cold outside!
"I'd rather have frozen to death than watched Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders."
You're just bitter because you have no genitals....
And with that, I bid you all a fond adieu. Thanks for reading!
Totally random thing at the end:
I want this song played at my funeral:
Friday, January 29, 2010
Books!
Check this sheet out!:
My aunt sent me a box of paperbacks! I was wondering if maybe a review of them all, one by one, would be interesting.
I'll get on the first one, The A.B.C Murders, tomorrow and post up a review, and you guys can tell me if you want me to do the rest of the books.
Sound cool?
My aunt sent me a box of paperbacks! I was wondering if maybe a review of them all, one by one, would be interesting.
I'll get on the first one, The A.B.C Murders, tomorrow and post up a review, and you guys can tell me if you want me to do the rest of the books.
Sound cool?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sickman
Can you tell I hate my job?
I hate you all
Not one of you would catch me
If I should fall
You wouldn't piss on me
If I were on fire
You bunch of fucking liars
I wish I could quit
I'm sick of all your faces
And all of your shit
This job is killing me is all
My soul is shriveled up
Into a little ball
I need release
Need to be somewhere far away
I need peace
Far away from the likes of you
To do the things again that I used to like to do
But for now
I'll just keep going insane
Tearing out and eating chunks
Of what used to be my brain
I'm sorry I can't be like all you walking dead
So a sickman I will be instead
I may be insane
But at least I'm not a bore
I hate this job enough
That I don't feel like a whore
Someday soon I'll be able to say goodbye
To all you fucking pricks that make me want to die
I hate you all
Not one of you would catch me
If I should fall
You wouldn't piss on me
If I were on fire
You bunch of fucking liars
I wish I could quit
I'm sick of all your faces
And all of your shit
This job is killing me is all
My soul is shriveled up
Into a little ball
I need release
Need to be somewhere far away
I need peace
Far away from the likes of you
To do the things again that I used to like to do
But for now
I'll just keep going insane
Tearing out and eating chunks
Of what used to be my brain
I'm sorry I can't be like all you walking dead
So a sickman I will be instead
I may be insane
But at least I'm not a bore
I hate this job enough
That I don't feel like a whore
Someday soon I'll be able to say goodbye
To all you fucking pricks that make me want to die
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Switched Punchlines
I had this idea just now while looking through the past weeks of Family Circus...apologies to Ricky! (Not so much to Keane...)
Edit: Now that I look at it, it's like Kimbo is sad for the snowman while the monstrous Keane children look at it impassively, which makes it funnier, to me anyways.
If you haven't visited Kimbo at Dumm Comics, then you should be there right now instead of reading my stupid crap. What are you waiting for? Go!
Edit: Now that I look at it, it's like Kimbo is sad for the snowman while the monstrous Keane children look at it impassively, which makes it funnier, to me anyways.
If you haven't visited Kimbo at Dumm Comics, then you should be there right now instead of reading my stupid crap. What are you waiting for? Go!
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