Sunday, January 31, 2010

How I Wasted my Weekend

I really can't trust myself. I got about a quarter of the way through The A.B.C Murders, set it down for a bit, and ended up watching movies for the rest of my weekend. Oh well, do what makes you happy right? I'll try to finish this book up sometime this week. So...movies? Okay.

You know what bugs me? The fact that there's very few good werewolf movies out there. It sounds like an awesome concept, but apparently it's hard to pull off because I've seen a ton of awful ones and I can count the good ones on my hand. Bad Moon(1996) is not one of the good ones. It starts off alright, not good exactly, but cheesy fun all the same. There's a couple of annoying rich tourists on vacation in the jungle somewhere, they have sex and are attacked by a werewolf. Where the wolfman of the jungle came from is never explained. The woman is brutally attacked and the man is beat up pretty good till he gets a shotgun and blows the things head off.
This opening is almost completely different in tone from the rest of the movie. After that it turns into a glurgy family film, almost like a lifetime original movie. It's still gory in parts and the effects (other than a really dated CGI morphing scene) are pretty good. But the gore is at odds with the wholesome family feel of the rest of the film. It's like two completely different movies that don't mesh well. It's also stupid and full of plot holes John Goodman could fit through.
And it's not scary. Well, I counted one good scare, right at the end of the movie, it's like they weren't even trying to make it creepy in any way and the last one was an accident. So yeah, this one sucks.

Things I learned from watching this movie:
1. Trailers can magically transport themselves where ever you need them to be.
2. Despite what you think, the power of love cannot cure lycanthropy.
3. Don't leave pictures of your dead wife's mauled body out where people can see it, It's just not a good idea.

1981 was a great year for werewolves. In fact, it's probably the best year for them ever film-wise. There were three good successful lycanthropic flicks that year. First was The Howling. The second was American Werewolf in London. The third is kind of forgotten, and not as good as the first two, but it's still miles ahead of most of the other shitty attempts at werewolf movies.
Wolfen (1981) is sort of a mystery story that doesn't follow any of the werewolf legends that were set up by Kurt Siodmak for The Wolfman in 1941. A rich man, his wife, and their chauffeur, are killed by something while taking a coked up side trip to a park. Not just killed, but brutally mauled. The man's brain is found missing, all of it.
Of course you know it's werewolves, but where do they come from, in New York City of all places? The truth turns out to be kind of underwhelming, but it's quite a ride getting there. The movie is a bit slow, but it has some really creepy moments that make the whole thing worth sitting through. I'm not sure if the run down decayed city sets a large part of the movie was filmed in were real, but they sure look like it. The burnt out church is one of the coolest looking sets I've ever seen and it provides one of the most nightmare inducing images of all the hundreds of horror films I've sat through. Of course, your mileage may vary, but I liked this one a lot.
Some interesting trivia bits: This film is the second of director Michael Wadleigh, and his only non-Woodstock film. After this he would release a few straight to video documentaries about the festival and then pretty much vanish from the film world altogether.
Wadleigh claims that Wolfen isn't a horror movie at all but a political film that was taken from him by the studio and re-edited. It'd be interesting to see his cut of it, or at least a commentary track, which the DVD doesn't have.

Alright, so that was my Saturday. Sunday was Toho day. Well, bargain bin Toho day anyways. I found a double feature of Mothra movies in the bin for five bucks. I can't resist a cheesy Japanese monster movie, especially two for a dirt cheap price. These were...well...goofy. To say the least.
Mosura (1996) was released in the US as Rebirth of Mothra. It and it's sequel, Mosura 2 - Kaitei no daikessen (1997), released in the US as Rebirth of Mothra II, are two films in a Mothra re-boot trilogy. Why the third one hasn't been released in the US, I have no idea. They could have just stuffed in on the first side of the DVD. Why they only released both films in a terrible English dub, I have no idea either. At least they don't look cut at all, except they took the credits out. (Grumble.)
I suppose since these are both aimed at kids, like the Gamera flicks, they figured kids wouldn't care.
So how do I describe watching these? Well, take your average 90s Nickelodeon movies, and put giant fighting monsters in them. The doomy feeling and city destruction of the Godzilla movies is almost completely gone and is replaced by dumb slapstick and ham-fisted environmental messages. They also focus more on the humans, which always pisses me off. Nobody pays for these things to see whiny cardboard actors. We want to see guys in rubber suits beating the crap out of each other! The second movie is much better because we see more monster fighting and because it has a Furby with a penis on it's head who's piss can cure injuries. At the end, the Furby sacrifices itself to save the giant bug, leaving it's kid heroes to regard it with awe. Later they will start a church and worship it as a god. Remember kids, Furby died for your sins.
But anyways, Mothra is interesting, but no Godzilla. A giant moth isn't as cool as a giant fire-breathing lizard. Even if it does have two hot faeries that worship it. I'd say these were worth five bucks, but both were way overlong and too kid-friendly for their own good.
What say you Tiki Bear?

"Your taste in movies sucks and so do you!"
Hey, that's not very nice, I rescued you from the cold outside!
"I'd rather have frozen to death than watched Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders."
You're just bitter because you have no genitals....

And with that, I bid you all a fond adieu. Thanks for reading!

Totally random thing at the end:
I want this song played at my funeral:

Friday, January 29, 2010


Check this sheet out!:

My aunt sent me a box of paperbacks! I was wondering if maybe a review of them all, one by one, would be interesting.
I'll get on the first one, The A.B.C Murders, tomorrow and post up a review, and you guys can tell me if you want me to do the rest of the books.
Sound cool?

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Can you tell I hate my job?

I hate you all
Not one of you would catch me
If I should fall
You wouldn't piss on me
If I were on fire
You bunch of fucking liars
I wish I could quit
I'm sick of all your faces
And all of your shit
This job is killing me is all
My soul is shriveled up
Into a little ball
I need release
Need to be somewhere far away
I need peace
Far away from the likes of you
To do the things again that I used to like to do
But for now
I'll just keep going insane
Tearing out and eating chunks
Of what used to be my brain
I'm sorry I can't be like all you walking dead
So a sickman I will be instead
I may be insane
But at least I'm not a bore
I hate this job enough
That I don't feel like a whore
Someday soon I'll be able to say goodbye
To all you fucking pricks that make me want to die

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Switched Punchlines

I had this idea just now while looking through the past weeks of Family Circus...apologies to Ricky! (Not so much to Keane...)

Edit: Now that I look at it, it's like Kimbo is sad for the snowman while the monstrous Keane children look at it impassively, which makes it funnier, to me anyways.

If you haven't visited Kimbo at Dumm Comics, then you should be there right now instead of reading my stupid crap. What are you waiting for? Go!

Music Video Wednesday

You guys don't mind if I do this do you? Sometimes I feel like it's a blogger cliche to post videos and go "look at the cool shit I found!" as if anyone would be interested. I do believe, however, that music was meant to be shared and since mix tapes (cds) are out of style, I think this is a good way to show off a certain mood or state of mind by picking songs, which I've always liked to do. So, here goes...

Alice in Chains - Angry Chair
I've loved Alice in Chains since I got Dirt on cassette tape from a friend. I'm not too big on their videos though, I like the images the songs put in my head better.

Alice in Chains - Them Bones
"I feel so alone, gonna end up a big old pile of them bones." is one of my favorite song quotes ever.

Velvet Underground - Pale Blue Eyes

I would marry this song if I could, make love to it, and have babies. Amazing musical babies.

How about some surf rock?
Trashmen - Tube City

The Trashmen are kind of unappreciated I think, mostly everyone just knows about Surfin' Bird, which is a great song but they had lots of other great songs too!

The Trashmen - Malaguena

Speaking of unappreciated...

Look at that old man rock out! Dick Dale and surf rock became cool again in the 90s thanks to Pulp Fiction. I wonder where it's at now? What is hip now anyways? I don't listen to pop radio at all if I can avoid it. I'm stuck in the 90s which is pretty much the last time I was really into popular culture. Lady Gaga? What the fuck is that?

Lets end with...
A cartoon!

You can always go to the 1930's Fleischer Studio cartoons for awesome surreal shit.
I really wish animation had stayed this weird and goofy. Damn Disney, making everything bland!

Real stuff up tomorrow!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Before they invented the air guns to shoot bolts into the skulls of the poor stupid animals, you had to use a sledgehammer. Thats what my daddy did. All day long he'd stand at the end of a ramp, a cow would come down it, and he'd swing his hammer and bash it's head in. He claimed he was really good at it, that he never had to hit one on the head twice. Of course I never knew what my daddy did to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach until I was much older. All I knew about the slaughterhouse was the smell. When daddy came home at night, he reeked of it. I never forgot that smell because it never left him. Even on the days when he wasn't working and stayed home to look after ma and me, that mix of old blood and dirt was always there. My daddy smelled like death.
When I was thirteen, daddy took me to work with him. I was never sure why, he just said I was going to stay home from school and come see what he did everyday. So I went.
I'll never forget the smell. It was the same stench daddy had on him everyday, but it was overpowering. Outside the rusted metal building there was a steer yard, where the animals milled around, eating, shitting. Not knowing they were going to die very soon.
There were men in the yard that ushered the cows up the ramp, I watched them as we went in. I had been told that daddy killed cows for a living, and I was quite curious as to how he did it. The only thing that was making me sick was the smell.
Inside the building, it was dark except for the windows up high that let in light. Daddy walked me towards a ramp and I watched as he talked with the night shift worker that he was replacing. The man handed him a large hammer and then walked away, out of the building.
The first cow came walking down the ramp and daddy raised the sledgehammer high up in the air, when it got down to the bottom and stood staring at him with those stupid uncomprehending eyes, he brought the brought the hammer down and smashed it's skull in. A man with larger muscles than my daddy (which were very large) pulled the dead animal onto a conveyor belt in the floor and it moved away to a different part of the slaughterhouse, to be cut apart.
As I watched it pull away, another cow was already coming down, ready to have it's head bashed in...
Driving back to the house after the work day was over, I didn't say anything to daddy, and he didn't say anything to me. I wasn't really disturbed by what I had seen. I kind of liked it. I wanted more of it but I was afraid to ask daddy if I could get a job in the slaughterhouse. Daddy didn't like his job at all, but he was good at it. I'd have to find some other way to satisfy my urge to kill....

You'll find the next body in the basement of Kelner Elementary school. I've left some very obvious clues this time, I really do hope you catch me. I'm actually quite sick of killing people, but it's an addiction that's hard to stop. I've been doing it since I was thirteen. But I'm not just going to turn myself in, that would be too easy. I want to at least have some fun stringing you guys along.
Peace and Love,
The Butcher

Ps. The little girl's name was Susan and she had brown hair put up in pigtails. and she screamed for her mommy when I brought the hammer down. The sound of her head smashing open made me jizz. Tell her mommy she owes me some new pants.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Three More Stupid Little Poems

Creativity Counts
I don't want to stab or shoot you
That's been done to death
I want to knock you to the ground
And run a floor buffer over your head

Bored Bored Bored
You talk but I'm not hearing
Your voice is just a drone
I'm thinking about what I'm going to do
In a few hours when I'm home
I'm thinking about exploring space
In a ship that I have stowed
And throwing you out of the airlock
To watch your head explode

Dead Hobo Stew
There's a place downtown that sells dead hobo stew
Not many people know about it
It's just me and you
I'll take you there for lunch someday
You'll really have to come
You get to pick out your own hobo
It's really very fun
You watch as it's killed and cooked on the grill
And you get the best cuts of meat
And you get it's bindle afterwards
It's really very neat
I guess I lied there's no such place
It's just me killing hobos
With a hammer to the face
But I'm running out of room to put the bodies
Would you eat a few of them for me?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Three Stupid Little Poems #1

I need to write more poetry, so this is the first of a few nights of poetry writing, even if they're not very good.

Dial Tone
Is there anything creepier
Than when you're all alone
Trying to call someone on the phone
It's dark and quiet on a summer night
Your bedside lamp your only light
And that voice comes on the line
Sending chills up your spine:
"We cannot connect to your party at this time..."

The Dead Ones
We are the dead ones
That cannot lie still
We live alone
At the top of the hill
You towns-people down below
Ignore us as you go to and fro
Self important you live your lives
Passing our little hill by
But all of you will visit someday
And you won't be able to run away

Love Love Love (All You Need Is)
I love you
I love you more than water or air
Why don't you love me baby, it's not fair!
I love your lips I love your eyes
I love whats between your thighs
I don't like when you talk to other guys
I want you to be all mine!
But I can't tie you to my bed
So I'll keep you in a cage instead
A pretty little thing for me to own
And to love me when I'm all alone

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Banjo am the Instrument for Me

Country catharsis after a long shitty day at work.

I don't think it's possible to feel bad while listening to a banjo, it's just such a happy instrument!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Haven't done this for awhile...

Mr.Crowley, what they done in your head...

Weep not for Chucky, for he is already dead...

If dad hadn't been away all night at that orgy, he could have stopped the kids from finding that book of spells in the basement...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Do the Evolution

Sorry I haven't been posting much, been working 12 hour shifts with not much time or energy to want to do much.
Tonight I just want you to watch this video and post your thoughts:

You can write a whole thing on your own blogs or just post in the comments.


Sunday, January 10, 2010

More of My Favorite Toy Ads

Ah, Mr. Bucket, he sure does love to pop your balls out of his mouth. I've had the jingle stuck in my head for years but never realized how dirty it was till I looked up the video on Youtube.

And now please enjoy Mr. Bucket in Hell:

I still say ads for classic video games were the the best ever made. You just don't get the same level of epic cheesiness anymore. "Back vile beast!"

And on that note, here's some Tiger Electronics ads.

These things were so fucking lame, they knew they had to make them look cool in the ads. And yes, I had a few. I had a Star Wars, Sonic 2, and Pinball. They were a poor substitute for a real console, let me tell you.

Check out these Jurassic Park ads:

They must not have been selling well so they upped the ante by...killing all the kids in the ads? I love how the venom now looks like shit instead of water.

And finally, Batman:

Jeez kid, overact much?

Alright, enough toys from my sad childhood. Lets get really vintage.

Holy fucking shit! Later generations got totally gipped by child safety laws. Look at that fucking gun! I'm drooling now and I'm 23 years old!
And that's not even the best one.

Where can I get one? I want to go around pretending to shoot cops and other authority figures! Bang bang, you're dead teacher, you're dead! This is why I can't have nice things.

Apparently toy robot dogs are nothing new and they were gay back then too.

Lets get back to shooting things.

Not as cool, but it's neat to see the games they had before video games.

Now that's more like it! Look at that fucking thing! You'd be the coolest kid in the neighborhood with that, I don't care what generation you grew up in.

Alight, lets go with a modern ad now. It's got to be better than all those dusty old ads right?

This is a new ad for an old toy that they used to advertise all the time on Nickelodeon. Like Mr. Bucket, I still have the old jingle stuck in my head. This new ad? It sucks on so many levels. The jingle isn't catchy, the cartoon elephant is made in flash instead of actually animated well, and what the fuck is dad doing in the commercial? That's not going to make the toy look cool! You never include the parents in the ads unless they're there to look stupid.
I can't seem to find the old ad anywhere leading me to believe that all traces of it were destroyed to make room for this abomination.

Uck, lets end this with a video game ad to wash the taste of failure away.

Mike Tyson laughs at you in the commercial, fucking awesome. Man, I want to play Punch-out now. Lets see if I can get past Bald Bull this time...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Island Map

Alright, so this is my retarded map. I already have no drawing skills and using MS paint is like drawing with your feet anyways, so bear with me.

My house is a ways into the forest, not far from a lake and natural spring. On the southern most tip is a rock formation that juts out into the ocean. The water is very deep around it, which makes it ideal for small boats to come in and drop supplies. And where I'd take off from if I ever wanted to leave.

The island is cut in half by the mountains, which are hard to get around even if you take the pass on the northern side. Most of the time when I want to get to the Western side of the island, I use a boat.

The ancient volcano on the western side is very large and has a series of caves carved into it's south-eastern side. They're surprisingly large for something that probably took years to carve out. There's very odd cave paintings on the walls of each.

Further to the west is the river which runs the length of the island, cutting through a clearing. This clearing contains an alter with a scarred top and several weathered statues, mostly of eerie looking monsters.

Going up the Northern side, you'll find an impressive waterfall. I haven't explored this area much. I have a feeling there's something interesting there....

I haven't been exploring as much as I should. Mostly I just run around on the beach on the eastern side and play on the dunes. Or just sit on south rock and stare at the sea.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


I love beaches. I have no idea why. Whenever I try to escape from boredom by going into my head I put myself on an island somewhere. Maybe it's because most of my best memories were made at beaches. I don't think I've ever not been happy at one. Unless you were homeless and starving, I don't think it would be possible to be sad at a beach. Even if you were, you could sleep on one and have a much better time of it than if you slept on the hard ground somewhere else.
Today for some reason when I put myself on a beach and it was at night. This was weird because it's usually in the day when I go to my "happy spot." It was also different because it was by a lake and not on an island like it usually is. There was a house behind me with all the lights on but I was alone, sitting in the sand, watching the sun as it sank below the horizon. It was such a strong image, I could see it so clearly. But that's all it was, just me on a beach. Usually stuff happens in these things, but this was almost like a photograph.
Still it was peaceful and serene, I really wished I was there.
Am I the only one that has these happy places? I've been going to mine since I was in high school, but it used to be the room in the old apartment I lived in as a kid. The sun was always streaming through the windows and I had all my old toys back and my Shel Silverstein books. I still go there sometimes, but it doesn't have as much draw anymore. It always weirded me out that the door of the room never opened. If I managed to get it open, would I be greeted by a weirdly silent person-less world? Or would there just be a dark void beyond it? I could see out the windows, but those could just have been fake. I like the idea of an island because it's a small area, but it's big enough to run around in and explore. Plus I put a house on my island that's pretty cool. I'll have to draw a blueprint of it someday.
Sometime I'll have to draw a map of my island too. I probably should since I'm probably going to start setting stories on it pretty soon.
Alright, I'm going to bed. Would you guys want to see a quick map sketch of what this island that I've been building in my head looks like?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Go Away From Me Child

Go away from me child
There is nothing here for you
You don't want
What you think you want me to do
Go away from me child
I don't live in the light
There's things in my head
That keep me up at night
I'm no good for you
I'm no good for you
Go away from me child
I don't want to see
The pain it would take
For you to get close to me
Sit down by the fire
In your nice warm home
You're much too young
To be out roaming all alone
I'm no good for you
I'm no good for you
Go away from me child
Go back to your home
Your mother is calling
She's all alone
Don't make me do
What you think you want me to
My kind of love
Is really nothing new
I'm just sinner
With a trick or two
I love you too much
Don't make me do
What you think you want me to
Don't make me drag you down
Don't make me drag you down
Go away from me child
Don't temp me anymore
Go away from my door
You don't want
What I have
To give...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Stupid Love Story

Mary was fat. Not just chubby either, she must have weighed over 300 Lbs. When she sat down at the lunch table the bench bowed in and always looked in danger of breaking. Of course everyone laughed at her, it was high school after all. I thought it was interesting though that there were guys that waddled around that probably weighed just as much as her, if not more, and didn't get half as much shit as she did. Maybe that's because they could dish the insults back out while Mary just looked sad.
I had the same lunch period as her and she always sat in the same place, all alone at the back of the lunchroom, quietly eating her food. I felt bad. I felt bad because she had no friends. I felt bad because everyone else made fun of her, behind her back and to her face. I felt bad because every day I sat by myself and ate lunch too and never said anything to her. I started thinking about her. Before I went to sleep at night, when I ran through the previous day in my head, she would always come up, sitting in that same spot, looking sad. Something kind of stirred in me, that old feeling. That weakness in my stomach. We were both friendless, why shouldn't I go and talk to her? Well, because I was bad at talking to girls. But she probably wouldn't be snobby, I reasoned, she probably really wanted a friend, so why not? I told myself I would go and talk to her the next day at lunch.
But I didn't. In fact, It was another week before I got so sick of myself and the stupid crush I was harboring that I walked over and sat at her table.
The first thing I noticed was that she didn't smell very good. It was a heavy mix of sweat and cigarette smoke and something else I couldn't put my finger on. It wasn't very pleasant though. The second thing I noticed was the acne that covered her face and neck. Fresh crops of white heads grew out of old acne scars, that she didn't bother to cover up with makeup. She looked up at me, and forced a smile that didn't reveal her teeth. Despite the fact that she kind of repulsed me, she did have very pretty eyes.
"Hi" She mumbled and took a bite out of her chicken sandwich, devouring almost the whole thing in one bite.
I said hi back and the struggled with something to say. We didn't have any classes together, what the Hell were we supposed to talk about? My brain screamed at me as the awkward silence got worse. I was still looking for something to break the ice with when the bell rang and she got up and shuffled away without saying anything. I felt sick to my stomach. When I went over it in my head that night, I wondered what the Hell I should do. I wasn't crushing on her anymore, but I still felt bad for her. And I was tired of eating lunch alone. I decided to try again the next day.
She didn't smell any better and she wasn't any prettier. I kicked myself for being so stupid.
"Hi." She said, not forcing a smile this time, not looking up from her plate.
"So..." I said trying to pick out the best line that I stored up all day. They all seemed so stupid now.
"So...what do you like?" I asked and immediately felt dumb. My stomach was in knots again.
"Like what kind of stuff?" She looked up and I was struck again by how pretty her eyes were.
"Well, uh..." Music, dumbass, music! My brain screamed at me.
"What kind of music do you like?"
"I like the Beatles." She was still mumbling, but it was less pronounced.
"I haven't really listened to The Beatles that much..."
"Oh you should, they're great!" She said suddenly brightening up "My dad has these records..." She looked sad again and stared down at her plate.
Awkwardness settled in again. I had to say something, what? My brain screamed at me again.
"I...I think you're pretty." Oh jeez, now I'd done it. How the Hell was she supposed to respond to that? I never found out because the bell rang and she waddled off, before I could get a response.
Why had I said that? I didn't think she was good looking at all. Or did I? I was so confused, I couldn't think of anything else all day. That was Friday and I had all weekend for it to torment me. Me and my damn low self esteem, hitting on the ugliest girl in school. I hated myself. I couldn't just leave her though, I would feel even worse. So on Monday I got my food and headed for her table.
It was about this time that I realized that everyone was looking at us. I hadn't really noticed it before. I had been hearing whispers in the hallway and was getting weird looks from people that normally never paid attention to me. They weren't good looks though, and usually resulted in laughter. I figured that would happen, but I never realized how much it would hurt.
Mary didn't smell as bad. On top of that, she had pulled all the whiteheads out of her face and had made some poor attempts at putting on makeup. I did make her look better though. But there was still the awkwardness, even more so now that she was smiling at me a little bit.
"Hi." She said and smiled, but tried to hide it a bit.
"Hi. look...nice today."
"Thanks." She said, and I could tell she was blushing a bit.
"I, uh...I got this for you." She said and dug in her book bag. "I know you probably don't have a record player so I'll let you borrow one of my CDs, thats my favorite."
What she handed over was a two CD set, with a pure white cover. In the middle off to the left it said "The Beatles." I didn't know what to say.
"Uh...Thanks, Mary." I smiled. I was nervous, goddammit I was nervous. I'll, uh, listen to it tonight."
"Good, then we can talk about it tomorrow." We spent the rest of the lunch hour in uncomfortable silence.

The album was good. Really good. One of the best I'd ever heard. I had heard some of the songs on the radio, but hearing them all in one place was incredible. Every song was great. I even loved the weird sound mashup on the end. I used my stereo to make a copy on cassette tape.
"So...what's your favorite song?" She asked. She had makeup on again, but it was applied a little better. Maybe someone had helped her?
"I dunno, they're all really good. Back in the USSR and Helter Skelter I think."
"Oh yeah, those are good. While My Guitar Gently Weeps is my favorite, even though it makes me sad sometimes."
"Do you have all of the Beatles albums on CD?"
"No, just that one and Hard Days Night and Sgt. Peppers. My dad has them all on record though. I think they sound better like that. You should come over sometime, we could listen to them together."
My heart skipped a beat and my stomach knotted up again. I still didn't find her particularly attractive, even if she was a cooler person than I had thought she'd be.
"Uh, sure. If you're parents don't mind."
"Oh they trust me. I don't do the crazy stuff everyone else does. I don't sneak out of the house or anything and get drunk at parties." She smiled and looked shy again.
Was I falling in love with her? I didn't know. I was a weird thing to be caught up in.
I walked her to her locker for the first time. Turning a corner by the science lab, some one shoved her into the wall. It was a tall skinny kid with oily black hair and a ripped army jacket, I didn't know his name. I grabbed him and shoved him hard and he fell on his ass. I don't know if would have come at me or not but Mr. Youngman came out of the Science room at that exact moment, probably saving me a good beating. The kid gave me a look that said I'd be seeing more of him later, probably with some of his friends. Mary took my arm and we walked down the hall. Everyone was looking at us. Some of them were giggling. I couldn't even look poor Mary in the face.

Her house was really old. It looked like it was only half fixed up. There was no siding on the front and several broken down trucks littered the lawn. As we walked up the porch, the steps creaking frighteningly under our feet, a cat darted out from the bushes and hid under the porch. Mary smiled.
"Thats my cat boo. I call him boo because he spooks easily. He's a good kitty though once you get to know him."
Neither of us had a car so we had taken the bus. I lived right down the street from the school, so I hand't ever had to take one. Even when I was young I had always walked home. It was a disconcerting experience to say the least, especially since we weren't the cool kids and didn't get to sit in the back. I kept getting hit in the head with paper footballs and when I went back to make it stop, the crotchety old bus driver yelled at me to sit down. I told myself that I was going to save up for a car so I would never have to ride the damn thing again.
Mary's parents were very nice but their house smelled horribly like cat piss. This was probably due to the fact that there were cats everywhere. At least I wasn't allergic.
Mary's dad probably weighed about 500 LBS. It looked like it took all the effort he could muster to get off the couch. Her mother was a skinny little thing, almost a stick. She had the same eyes as Mary, even though they looked tired beyond reckoning, they were still very pretty. After introductions we all sat on the couch for a bit and watched TV. America's Funniest Home Videos, the new version. It wasn't any funnier than the old one. I was sitting between Mary's mother and dad. Mary was on the other side of her. It was awkward to say the least, and it seemed like forever before Mary excused us to go listen to records in the basement. Before we walked out of the room her dad gave me a look that said "Behave or I'll rip your brain out through your ears." Oh well, I thought, at least I could outrun the guy. If I gained 200 LBS, I probably still could...

The first thing that happened when we got down to the basement and walked into a little play room in the back, complete with air hockey table and ancient console TV, was that Mary closed the door and locked it. The second thing she did was grab me and kiss me hard on the mouth. Truth is, I didn't know how to react. It's not that I didn't like it and it was my first kiss. But it was blubber butt Mary. Mary the whale. The laughing stock of the whole school. I could barley fit my arms around her. But it felt good, I felt high. My head felt like the top had been ripped off. I did something to me that I had never felt before, her arms around me, her breasts pushing against my chest. I kissed back. She pulled away.
"I'd better put something on before they get suspicious." She said, opening a panel in the TV console revealing a record player. How about some...Help? That's one of my favorites."
We danced to You've Got to Hide Your Love Away and I Need You, her arms around my neck, a slow awkward shuffle back and forth. I couldn't look away from her eyes, it's like they were looking right through me.
"I want to tell you something." She said, never taking her gaze away from me. "Since we've been hanging out, I've...I've started caring more about myself. I've lost 13 LBS." And then I Need You Was Over. She let go and changed the record to a Led Zeppelin song I had never heard before. It was slow and melodic. She held me tighter.
"I love you." She whispered in my ear. I didn't know what to say, but I was saved again because there was a knock on the door. It was her brother, time to go to the movie....

All through the driver over in her brother's car, all through the stupid comedy on the screen, all through the dinner at Burger King afterwards, my brain reeled. I hardly remember anything. I remember holding hands in the back of the car and in the theater. I remember buying her popcorn, and her eating most of it. I don't remember what the movie was about. I don't remember what I ate afterwards. This wasn't fun at all. I finally had a girl that was in love with me and I had no feelings for her at all. And I had lead her to believe the whole time that I did. I felt like an ass, like the worst kind of scum in the whole fucking universe. It made me sick. After we said goodnight her brother drove me home, neither of us saying a word. After I waved goodbye and he sped off, I threw up in the bushes outside our house.

That was a Friday night and I stayed in bed all weekend, venturing forth only for food when I could stomach it. My mother wanted to take me to the hospital. I said I was fine, just a small cold. When I was walking to school that Monday a beat up old Ford pulled up along side of me and the kid with the greasy hair jumped out and before I could run, he beat me to a pulp while his friends watched and laughed. Then he threw me down on the ground and they sped off.

Mary looked surprised at my black eyes and cut lip.
"Oh my god, what happened to you?"
"I just got into a little fight is all."
"I hope you're alright!"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
We were standing by her locker, everyone was looking at us again. It must have gotten around that we had gone out on Friday night.
"I had fun Friday." She said, gathering up her books. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the gym dance this Saturday. I've never been to one, because I've never had anyone to go with and..."
I wasn't looking at her and she trailed off.
"What's wrong?" She said, sounding worried.
I was looking a group of Jr. High kids at the end of the row of lockers who were pointing and laughing. I got angrier than I'd ever been in my entire life.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" I yelled. The hallway went quiet. The kids suddenly looked scared.
"Is somethin' funny? Huh?" I walked up to the first kid and shoved him. "What the fuck you laughing at?" I shoved him hard and he fell on the tile. He looked like he was going to cry. They both scampered off down the hallway. I turned and everyone was staring at me.
"What the Hell are you all looking at?" I screamed, losing my mind completely. Someone in the back spoke up.
"You're fucking fat Mary." It said in a weird high pitched giggling voice.
The whole place exploded in laughter and my heart broke in two pieces. I turned to Mary. She was leaning against her locker crying harder than I had ever seen anybody cry before. It was the wail of the hopeless, the broken, someone that's had their hopes crushed into the dirt. The eyeliner that she had sloppily applied was running down her cheeks, cutting through the thick makeup she had applied. The laughter died down and people moved on, gathering up their books to head to classes.
I turned around and walked out of the school. I couldn't take it. I went home. I feel terrible about it now, it's probably the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I didn't say a fucking word to her. I just left. I went home and was sick for the rest of the day.
I didn't sit at Mary's table anymore. When I saw her in the hallways, I didn't say anything. I noticed she stopped wearing makeup. She also looked like she had gained a lot of weight. I hadn't really realized how much she had lost when we were friends, but it must have been a lot.
The next year her dad lost his job at the mill and they moved away. The next time I saw her, I was a sophomore in college, back home on Christmas vacation. Mom wanted me to pick up some sugar for shortbread cookies. She was waddling through the middle aisle with two kids tugging at her arms. She was enormous. I felt that same sickness I felt that day I left her alone with her misery and I realized that it never went away. It'll probably always be there, a small ball of nausea to remind me of what a horrible person I am.
She was in front of me at the check out line, but she didn't even look at me. The last I saw of her was her silhouette blocking out the light of the grocery store doors as she walked out.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Random Questions

If animals could think like humans and plead for their lives, do you think we would still kill and eat them?

If a burger screamed every time you bit into it? Would you still eat it?

Whats the most frightening thing you've seen in real life?
In a film?

Whats the most vile disturbing image you can think of?

What was your greatest fear as a kid?

What is your greatest fear now?

What if you found out reality wasn't reliable and every time you turned around, everything looked completely different. Would you just roll with it or go insane?

Who else is excited for Ricky to get back to making Nightmare Theater?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Late Night Poetry Crap

I loved you once baby blue
When you used to call my name
I followed you outside at night
And in the daytime when it would rain
I came to you whenever you called
My love I could not hide
Now that you've found someone else
My love has still not died

I'm missing you baby blue
Since that fateful day
You ran so fast I could not follow
My pace it fell away
All I could see was your long hair
Flowing in the sun
Your race was just at the start
Mine was already done

Oh how I long baby blue
To hear you call my name
How I long to run with you
Through the darkness
Through the rain
All I can do is think of us
And how we used to be
When you used to call me up
And say "Would you run with me?"

Friday, January 1, 2010

Spumkin Song Meme

Of course I had to try it but which band to pick? I'll go with the Pogues since they're my favorite band ever.

Pick your Artist:

Are you a male or female?/Describe yourself:
I'm a Man You Don't Meet Everyday

How do you feel?:
Down All the Days

Describe where you currently live:
Dirty Old Town

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?:
House of the Gods

Your favorite form of transportation:
Drunken Boat

Your best friend is:
5 Green Queens & Jean

You and your best friends are:
Boys from County Hell

What's the weather like?:
Rainy Night in Soho

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?:
Four O' Clock in the Morning

What is life to you?:
The Battle March

Your last relationship:
Hell's Ditch

Your fear:
Modern World

What is the best advice you have to give?:
Whiskey You're the Devil

Thought for the Day:
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

How I would like to die:
Sitting on Top of the World

My soul's present condition:

My motto:
Lust for Vomit