Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Homework Assignment

First read this story:
Pigeons from Hell

Then consider this quote by the author:
"The average human is so unimaginative that the highest flights of fancy are beyond his power to create out of nothing."

Do you believe this quote to be accurate? Is the average *adult* human devoid of imagination and the ability to create? Is that whats so wrong with most of the world?

What did you think of the story? I wanted to post it since you guys are always posting such cool comics and artwork for artists I've never heard of, I thought I'd pay you back a little by posting some cool prose from an author that I love and that I think more people should read.

If I can get on tomorrow I'll post some story ideas I've been kicking around. You've probably noticed that I haven't posted in a very long time about the book I was planning on writing. Well, I kind of gave it up for now. I'm still writing and creating ideas, but I don't know if the path I was going down was a good one. I think if I do write a novel, I'm going to need to keep it completely secret and find time to just sit and write. Serving in the military saps a lot of my time.
By the way: Would anyone be interested in working on a graphic novel with me? I've got some ideas and I think with the right artist It would turn out to be really cool. Does anyone know of anyone that would go in for something like that? I know it'd be a lot of work...just kicking stuff around. Thats all I ever seem to do.

Oh and one last thing. My favorite cute French musician up and quit: http://www.sokomusic.com/soko-quits-for-real-2/
This makes me very sad, but if its what she wants and it makes her happy...its too bad such an amazing unique artist is silencing herself. If John Coulton says he's going cold turkey on music then I suppose I'll have to go back to listening to pop radio (shiver).

Sleep calls to me, talk back at me and I'll try to respond. Hope you guys have more fun this week than I'm having!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I'm Still Alive!

I apologize for not posting more and not being on the Internet in general. My net connection has been spotty as of late and on top of that its already shaping up to be a very busy week with very little free time as most of it will be spent at work or asleep. I'll try to get some poems up or at the very least my review of the last Children of the Corn movie.
Tonight I'm very tired and just want to zonk out and watch brainless TV which may very well be the case all week.

Peace and much love,

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Tales of Mere Existence!!!

I had no idea Tales of Mere Existence was a web series when I picked the book up! It makes it so much more awesome because now I hear the guys voice when I read the comics.

I heartily recommend watching all of the short animations found here:

A few of his more risqué videos have been taken down by Youtube which doesn't surprise me in the least bit. Man Youtube, you used to be so cool, what happened? I still love you but I'm sort of embarrassed to tell people we hang out. Frankly, I think we should see other people. I'm taking Vimeo out on a date tonight, just thought I'd let you know. She doesn't judge me for watching slightly dirty videos like you do. No I haven't been seeing that slut Pornhub. She scares me quite a bit, actually. No, don't cry! Umm...uh, its not you, its me!

Ha ha, I need to get to bed...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A Day in the Life

In honor of a sweet sweet book I picked up today called Sunny Side Down: Tales of Mere Existence by Lev Yilmaz, here is my average day:

*First problem of the day: Alarm goes off.
*Solution: Hit snooze button, go back to sleep.
*Wake up again and realize already going to be late for work.
*Despite that fact, still move slowly brushing teeth, shaving, showering, getting into uniform, putting boots on. Hate self, hate day, hate work, hate world.
*Check Hotmail, Facebook, blogs, and Dumm Comics if connection is up.
*Waste time on Internet when should be walking to work.
*Walk ten minuets to work avoiding cars, staring other uniformed people down as they pass, and praying that an officer doesn't walk by so I don't have to salute.
*Arrive at work late, if late for more than three days in week, get lecture from boss.
*Grab papers, sit down at computer, log into computer, pretend to work while browsing IMDB, Pajiba, MSN news, random movie sites.
*Do paperwork fast then browse net till lunch.
*Walk to chowhall, then back to squalid little room to eat fried luncheon foods. Browse Internet again while clogging up arteries. Worry about getting fat. Look down at scrawny stick body, worry about not getting fat enough.
*Walk back to work, log into computer, browse net, do random paperwork.
*Deal with bosses, coworkers, customers, phone calls, meetings, assorted other bullshit. Count down the hours till quitting time.
*Finish paperwork.
*Browse Internet.
*If odd day of the week, get out of work early to go to gym. Bring book to read while on exercise bike.
*If even day, browse Internet till time to go home. Head to library or shopette if bored and don't feel like going home.
*Go home.
*Sit for awhile enjoying silence and lack of people to have to listen to or lack of having to pretend to be busy.
*Go to chowhall.
*Eat shitty dinner there.
*Walk back home.
*Browse Internet, write in blog if feel like writing. Watch movie, read book, talk to (two) friends on MSN.
*Ponder why the work day goes by so slow but free time is gone like nothing.
*Tell self that military contract has only two years and counting left. Tell self ambitious lies about civilian life.
*Get to sleep much too late.
*Start back at beginning till weekend. Sleep much too late on both free days and drink too much, go to work tired and hungover on Monday.

*Get up at noon when cute girl kisses my face and says that pancakes and waffles are ready.
*Eat pancakes and waffles with strawberry jam and real butter.
*Have quick sex with girl.
*Put on comfortable sweat pants, t-shirt, and old pair of running shoes.
*Drive to work in flying car powered by self satisfaction.
*Head to immense library instead of work.
*Spend all day at library browsing stacks, talking to cute librarians, eating coffee and doughnuts, and taking cute librarians to lunch to discuss how much fun it is not to have to work for a living.
*Drive home with immense stack of books and movies. Stay up late reading comic books, writing, eating junk food, watching movies, and making sweet sweet love to cute live-in girlfriend.
*Go to sleep with smile on face.
*On weekends, don't get out of bed unless absolutely necessary. Read classic literature and laugh at Shakespearian wordplay and dirty Canterbury Tales.
*Wake up and realize it's 6:35, I'm late for work, alone, and facing another dreary day in the real world.
*Complain about it later in blog.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Charles Addams anyone?

I hadn't really given this guy much thought till I happened upon a slim volume of his one panel comics yesterday at the library and flipped to a page that had a man sitting in his den by the fireplace with taxidermy animal heads covering the walls...and a unicycle in the corner.
I had heard of him before as the guy who created the Addams Family but beyond that I had never heard anything about this person who drew such fantastically weird comics.
One thing that really surprised me was how much he seemed to have influenced a certain cartoonist that also drew one panel comics named Gary Larson. A lot of cartoons in this slim book are very farside-esque in subject matter such as the themes of men stranded on small desert islands or fairy tale witches. Some of them seemed like Larson had ripped them right off! I will admit that Larson upped the weird factor but he never got as dark as Addams. There's one with a woman talking on the phone to someone saying "My husband's just out in the garden." Over her shoulder through the doorway we can see a freshly dug grave with a shovel at the front. Thats pretty morbid right there.
Addams also is a better artist than Larson. I love how his shading adds a gloomy atmosphere that makes some of his work downright depressing. Take this one for example: Unicorns
I think Larson did one that was something like this but the way Addams did it with the rain and the gloomy clouds gives it an atmosphere thats almost sad. Its silly but when I look at it I feel bad for those unicorns. There's one in the book that has a mouse sitting in a maze in a darkened laboratory. The way its shaded you can just barley make out his surroundings and it gives it a very lonely feeling, the way only silent empty rooms at night have.
One from the book: Handrail
Heres an Addams Family one (I wish I could find a book of these): Shadows

By all accounts Addams was a likable well-read man and its said his favor with the odd and the macabre was just a put on. I like to think he was like me, that the normal world is so bland and boring that his comics were a way of escaping that banality. Its not the way he saw the world, but the way he would have liked the world to be. I could be wrong though.



This is primarily directed at Spitter who seems to be a comics aficionado, but has anyone else stumbled onto this guy? Any other books that you can recommend me? The only one our library seems to have is Creature Comforts and all that has is New Yorker comics from later in his life, which aren't bad but the book is too darn short!

And thank you to my friend Jen for commenting!!! I'll try and find some more Saturday morning cartoon clips to post. I've sort of avoided talking too much about how much I miss sitting in front of the TV watching cartoons all Saturday morning because it makes me feel so damn old, but I suppose I could give it a whirl. I do miss it so.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Worst Thing Ever

I grew up watching commercials like this. That makes me very sad.

Untitled Part One - i've got drugs (out of the mist)

The man on the ground was dead. The fact that he wasn't moving and the large stick stuck in his forehead proved this, at least to George. Richard (Big Dick to his friends) wasn't so sure and gave him a swift kick to the side. Annie screamed and hit him in the face. George laughed and side stepped as Dick came running at him in a rage, putting his foot out so the big dummy would trip and fall, which of course he did, falling face first onto the sand. Then he got up and ran back up the beach to the little cabin in the woods. He was crying. George picked at his teeth and laughed again. Big fucking dummy, he thought, big fucking crybaby dummy. Annie sat looking at the patterns on her faded yellow dress.

The man on the ground in the cheap grey suit did not comment on if the situation was funny or not and lay looking up at the sky the same as before. A single housefly landed on his eyeball and he did not blink. Soon there would be many flies, and maggots, and rotting flesh. But for now he was content to just lay on the sand and enjoy the sun. It wasn't like he could get up anyways. He decided that even though being dead wasn't a whole lot of fun, at least he didn't have to pull himself out of bed to go to work in the early morning or try to patch things up with his wife anymore. He had an excuse to just lay and do nothing. He was living the American dream.
George decided a walk down the beach was in order and started to stroll off in a random direction. Annie just sat and said nothing. Normally she would have run after him, but he guessed the dead man changed everything. No big loss. He was tired of looking at the skinny bitch anyways. He was glad the man had come begging for food. At least it changed things. George couldn't stand things growing stale. He sat on a rock and watched the waves lap at the shore. He was alive and that was all that mattered. He was alive while almost everyone in the world was dead. The other two crybaby retards up the beach could all go fuck themselves for all he cared. George picked up a stick and threw it, watching it land on the water, making ripples that spread out before vanishing into nothingness. They could all go fuck themselves except that they had food, lots and lots of food. He supposed he could take some of it and run but Dick wouldn't let him. George thought he could take the big stupid dolt in a fight, but they'd both probably both get injured or killed. It was best that they all stuck together anyways. For now. He sighed and ran a hand through his greasy black hair. A seagull landed on a rotted fish and proceeded to pluck out its eye. George smiled and lit up a blunt, enjoying the dizzy feeling that immediately overtook his brain. The man's name had been Jack...

Annie was thinking about killing herself. She thought about that a lot, ever since the mist came and took everyone away. She looked at her skinny wrists, examining the veins and tendons. Would it be that hard to just slice them all with a razor? There was no hospital anymore that would save her life, no counselors that she would have to see afterwards, she could just lay down somewhere and die. George kept saying that being alive was all that mattered, that they were lucky. Richard said they were God's chosen people. To Annie it all seemed so pointless, the three of them living here in this rundown shack, what kind of a life was this? She looked at the man again. What was his name? He had said it was Rosy something. Rosy John? He had clearly been insane. When they had said they couldn't spare any food he had flown into a rage. George took care of that pretty quickly. She wasn't in love with him anymore. She had thought she was but the look in in his eyes when he had stabbed the man in the head and smashed his ribs with his boots had changed everything. He had enjoyed it, the sick son of a bitch. She looked down at her wrists again. It would would be so easy to do. So fucking easy. She sighed and decided to go check on Rich. If she didn't go calm him down he might do something stupid. She brushed the sand off her dress and walked up the beach.

Rosy Jack Johnson stared up at the sun and the sun stared back down at Rosy Jack Johnson, killed by a group of Jr. high schoolers just because he was starving and wanted some food. It really wasn't fair but he was dead and it was hard to be angry. A few more flies buzzed by his scarred face. It wouldn't be long now...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

How to win an argument

"Arrrgh, what the Hell are you thinking?" I said as I punched my best friend in the face, dislodging several teeth.
"Yanni is the best new age musician ever, not your hack John Tesh! Teshy boy isn't worthy enough to lick Yanni's sandaled feet!"
The he came at me, swinging his meaty fists and cursing every dog I had ever owned.
"Yeh son of a hore, yeh Miffy had ta mange and yeh Rover was a queero!" He hit me hard on the side of the head, popping my left eyeball out of its socket. He reared back to smuck me again and stopped. He looked sad.
"I dinna mean to knock ye glassy out a its home." He said and put his head down while I grabbed it gingerly and tried to set it back in.
"It's alright," I said and winced. "The pains not too bad I guess."
I got it back in place and we both laughed. The Starbucks was busting with people that day and the couple next to our table laughed along with us. I guess they had been following our conversation. I smirked and sipped my coffee.
"Yanni's still the best though." I said into my cup.
Angus looked pissed again. "What ya say ya daft pansy? I dunna think I heard ya right."
I put my coffee down and looked him right in his bulgy eye balls.
"I said, you red haired, no showering excuse for a Scotsman, that..."
Then I threw my coffee in his face. He screamed and rolled around on the ground cursing all of my 13 cats.
So basically, I won. Yanni is the best that ever was and even hard headed Angus had to agree. He'd better, or I'll fucking cut his head off and piss down his neck.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Sleep well kiddies!

Because I like troubling your sleep, here's a wonderfully creepy thing I found today while cruising the net: http://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.mattkirkland.com/ursum.html

The most disturbing one? I'd have to say the cow, it looks like its screaming in pain because someone ripped it's skin off!

The Town Scapegoat

I put on my helmet
And elbow pads
And reflective vest
And puffy pants
To protect my nads
And my nifty spiffy fencing mask
I put on 20 sweaters
And 15 pairs of socks
Then I took my morning stroll
Around the neighborhood block
All the people stopped and talked
And laughed and pointed
And sneered and mocked
The men flicked boogers
And the kids threw rocks
And on and on and on I walked...
When the whole town hates you the worst
It's always always safety first!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Choose Your Own Fate Blog is up already!

And with a totally new story! Go here and vote how it should go:

Again, sorry about quiting the last story line but I really thought I should end it and try something new. This one will have a definite end eventually so I can start on new stories later. That doesn't mean there won't be lots of nice horrific deaths along the way!

Questions, comments, complaints, constructive criticism? Or you can just be a troll and curse out my mother, its all cool.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Here's to the future...

CYOF tomorrow. Its going to be a different story setting, I got tired of the one its on now. I wish more people read this page, it might work a little better. Hey, you know what might be a good idea? Starting a whole new blog for this thing. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll post a notification some time this week whenever I'm not too worn out from work to actually want to do it.

I'd like to talk about what I really want to do with my life. Right now I'm stuck working for Uncle Sam under contract for two more years but when I get out I really want to go to film school. I've saved up quite a bit and I think the government will pay for at least part of my schooling but I'm still not sure about the whole thing.
It wouldn't get me a great job but if I could learn how to use a camera I could at least start off working at a local TV show or something. Anything has to be better than pushing boxes all day, which is what I do now. Or factory work, or flipping burgers, or any other soul crushing mid-pay job.
My dreams will probably get crushed and I'll end up cold and starving in an alleyway, but at least I'll know that I tried.
I said yesterday on my other blog that sometimes movies let me down but then I re-watch Army of Darkness or Amelie or Eraserhead and I remember why I love film so much and why I really can't wait to try and make my own.
This spring when I go home on leave I'm going to buy a cheap wal-mart camera and maybe try to make an actual short film or just fool around and have fun with it. Either way it should be fun and I'll probably post it here. Film schools really need to see what you can do and I'm actually excited to see myself!

Oh and one last thing.
In case you were wondering what I look like, heres a thing I made with my photo camera that also has an actual crappy motion camera on it. click this link!: Hi Internet!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Okay, cool, lets go hyper fun time post!

I watched one whole movie so far but I took a break to write about it and some bad cartoons. If you missed it head on over to my other blog and read about the ultimate 1950s icon!

So...Watchmen? We're not getting it where I'm at for a bit and I don't know if I want to see it or not, I'm so conflicted! I think I'll just read the book again. Did you know Black Hole is getting made into a movie? That just pissed me off. Black Hole is perfect just the way it is, a movie would only take away from it. You could say the same thing about Watchmen too I suppose. Grumble grumble. Sometimes I wish comics would have stayed underground, when cool stuff comes up like that, that a certain group of people have liked for a long time, it can mean pain and heartbreak for dedicated fans. Like when grunge started to get popular and was subsequently ruined and died a horrible death. Oh well, at least live action version of old cartoons seems to have died off. At least I hope it has. I didn't see that awful looking Chipmunks movie, but the trailer made me want to vomit. Seriously, it had the characters eating shit! How much more horrible can you get?

If I was going to make a movie out of an old cartoon, I would make it ridiculously dark and violent. El-Kabong would smash skulls open with his guitar and Captain Caveman would rape everything that moved before going down in a hail of gunfire. I won't even say the things I'd do to Scrappy-doo but they would be well deserved. No punishment is harsh enough for that annoying sob.

So what was my point originally? I have no idea. I'm kind of high on sugar right now and just wanted to write. I'm glad I still have hands. If I didn't I would have to type and use a pen with my toes. Or my teeth. Did any of you see Freaks? Theres a no armed lady in that movie that eats with her feet. Its awesome. She was kinda cute too...

I'm gonna go rock out to some Darkness now, stay hep you cool cats!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

100th Post!

Wow, 100 posts already! This horrible little thing here just keeps on chuggin' along doesn't it? I'd like to thank my (about) five readers for sticking with me and my inane ramblings, stupid poems, and lame stories. If it wasn't for the two nice comments I usually get I would have stopped a long time ago. You guys er great (sniff).
Alright, enough of that happy crap. What should I put in this most grandeous glorious fun-utational ball of chum? How about some lame high school stories? No? Okay, here goes...

When I was in high school I went to beer parties all the time, banged hot chicks that looked like they were 25, and took our football team to the state championship. No, wait, that was just about every movie about high school ever made. I remember going to one whole beer party, and it wasn't a whole lot of fun, partially because I wasn't used to the taste of beer yet and damned if I was going to walk around with a wine cooler or pour soda in it like my friends were doing. So I wasn't drunk at all. Plus it was put on by the girl's parents which was kinda weird. Who wants to have a beer party when there's adults everywhere? So...yeah. That sucked.

I didn't have a girlfriend either. I was a dork, to put it bluntly. A skinny dork with glasses to be more exact. I still am but at least I don't write poems to try and get girls to go out with me (groan). I wish I could go back and slap myself hard across the face. So...no sexings for me.

And I never even had delusions of playing football. I did play basketball for a bit but my horrible hand/eye coordination coupled with the fact that I was miserable the whole time pretty much guaranteed I was going to be on the bench every game. And I was. I ended up running cross country every year starting in eighth grade. Thats a whole nother long series of stories right there, which no one wants to hear, but it was the most fun I had in high school and I made the best friends I've ever had through it. So...fuck football. Football is for the cool kids. I was never cool and am quite proud of that fact.

Sometimes I did wish school was more like the movies but there was lots of weird crazy shit that happened that no hack writer could ever dream of. To wit:

One time this Jr. High kid got diarrhea at basketball practice and ended up shitting all over the hallway (and apparently the bathroom too). I can remember turning to someone as we walked past and going "Is that what I think it is?"
"Yup, sure smells like it don't it?"
Hey, shit happens. (Sorry, I had to make that joke)

A friend of mine (who will probably read this much later and correct me on several points) was running down the wheel chair ramp and put his whole arm through the little window in the door on the end. Completely fucking through it. I heard that he nonchalantly went to find the nearest teacher while picking pieces of glass out of his arm and bleeding everywhere. That might not be true, but I wouldn't put it past him, dude's hardcore.

My Junior (Sophomore?) year we had bomb threats coming in so often that it seemed like there was one almost every other week. When it happened we had to drop everything and evacuate to the elementary school down the street. Then we had to sit all day while the dogs searched the whole damn school. They never found anything. And you know why? Because the dumbasses that were making threats were usually borderline retarded kids looking for attention. None of them were smart enough to even know what a bomb looked like, let alone make one without blowing their hands off.
I remember particularity, one threat was made by this fat smelly kid that had the intelligence of a 5th grader. He was one of those kids that walked around the school shouting random words that they thought were clever but just made them look like morons. And annoying morons at that. There was a whole group of these guys who thought the word beaver and lame sexual innuendos like "hot pizza" were the the wittiest, most hilarious things anyone ever thought up. They probably still do.

Some stupid things I did that every kid should do (I'm such a great influence!):
Pass a note around telling everyone to drop their pencils at a set time.
It sounds lame but the resounding clatter and the teacher's inevitable annoyed/pissed off look is totally awesome. I only did it once to my science teacher, and it was grand.

Make a mockery of any and all award presentations and assemblies.
Assemblies were the biggest fucking waste of time to me so I'd just be a dick and disrupt the proceedings as much as possible by getting a whole group of people to make random noises to piss off the cheerleaders trying to tell everyone to go to the football game in below zero weather. It was stupid, but it was a good bit of fun.
I won't say what I did at the uber-boring awards presentations, cause I'm kind of ashamed of it, but it still makes me laugh.

If you live in a cold region, build snowmen in little used hallways.
Our hardly ever noticed works of art would always ended up as huge puddles for the janitors to clean up. Good fun.

Make up fake names for teachers you don't like.
My favorites include: "Mr. Tenderloins", "The Walgren" (he looked like a walrus and walked like a penguin), and "that creepy lesbian teacher that seems to call on the girls a lot in Spanish class."

Start food fights.
Yes, this will get you in a lot of trouble, but damn, did it liven up some really boring lunch hours. The last day of senior year was quite epic, let me tell you.

Get out on the roof at least once.
Lock-ins are great for this, if they don't lock anything up, like our school neglected to do. And also, play sardines in the school while you're at it. Theres lots of good hiding places and hallways to sprint down. So much damn fun...

Remember that its only four years and you will never see most of the jerks you have to put up with again.
Think of that and smile, next time some jock puts your head in the toilet. Someday he will be bagging groceries for a living.

Bonus video that has nothing to do with anything!

John K. rules. That is all.

CYOF - Of Push ups, Vagina Monsters, and Time Machines

When we last left our hero he was faced with a choice and that choice was murder for sex. We now continue the story already in progress.

You sit in contemplation, sweat beading on your brow. The minuets tick away as you ponder various avenues of action and the consequences of each. Soon an hour has past, then two. Your legs are getting craps from sitting on the floor. Suddenly you jump up, wincing as the blood returns to your legs.
Fuck this! You almost say out loud. That sombitch is dead!
You run downstairs to look for the guy that stands between you and sweet sweet lovin'.
The house is eerily silent. No one in the kitchen or living room. You open the door to the basement. You can hear machinery hum and there's an strange blue glow emanating from down below. This must be where step daddy is working. You go to the kitchen to get a knife. You start to have second thoughts. Murder is wrong, if you do this, your soul be damned for all eternity! You start to put the knife away. The door to the backyard opens and Betsy Ann walks in. She is wearing a pair of blue short shorts and a t-shirt that would look small on a 5 year old. She smiles and you grab the knife and head down the basement steps.

Later, as you lay strapped to the table, you think rushing down here was a bad idea. It would have been nice if Betsy would have told you her father was a mad scientist. He laughs demoniacally and pulls a switch. Spending the rest of your days as human/squirrel hybrid won't be so bad, will it? You'll get to run around all day eating nuts, who wouldn't want that?
The End

Screw this, you think. I'm a man, why don't I just take what I want? Thats what real men do! You run over to Betsy Ann's bedroom, fists clenched, hard-on raging. You slam open the door. Soon you are on the floor, crumpled up in a ball of pain and suffering. Betsy Ann stands over you with a bloody knife in her hand.
"I warned you didn't I? I warned you not to come back till you killed him. What were you going to do, rape me? Going to be hard to do that now with no testicles."
Then she laughs and kicks you hard in the head. You wake up in the hospital next to a guy with a hole in his throat. You pity him and then you realize you have no nuts. You put your hands to your face and cry.
The End

Why not do some push ups? Your arms could use some strengthening. Hup two, hup two, up down up down. Now you're into it, you do pushup and jumping jacks. Jumping jacks tend to make a lot of noise. Betsy Ann comes back.
"What the Hell are you doing?" She looks pissed.
"Fuck you, I'm going to be a beef cake!" You say and smile. She is not pleased.
"Oh yeah, what if I were to tell you that my vagina has a tentacle monster in it that can kill you?"
You stop jumping up and down like an idiot.
"Can I see it?" You ask.
She drops her pants and the slimy Eldritchian creature grabs you. Your last thought is that you're getting eaten by a vagina. Thats kind of cool. But it kind of sucks too.
The End

You rush down the basement steps, teeth gritted, knife in hand, ready for murder. To your surprise theres no one down there. The strange glow is coming from a large time machiny looking thing in the far corner, most probably a time machine. You smile and drop your knife. Just like in the movies! You run into its welcoming blue haze and right before you dissolve and wake up in some random time and place you hear someone yell, telling you to stop. Too late now....
Where do you end up?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Weird Dream (4/Mar/09)

I am in my old house
An old woman I don't know is my mother
My dog is there to, even though he's been dead for years
A black car is driving up to the house
My mother says they're here because of all the cars parked outside
I have no idea why there are so many cars parked outside
Suddenly we're hiding in a car outside, watching
The car pulls up
Two people get out
A man and a woman
They go into the house with guns drawn
They seem mad that theres no one at home, they're yelling
My dog runs up and starts barking
They shoot him in the leg and he falls
I start crying

Later we buy small guns from a gas station
Mine is a little green plastic key chain
I am with a group of people
We gun them both down
There's lots of blood but it looks like ketchup
We're all little kids
We get yelled at by an adult for what we've done
The camera pans up and I can see that we're in a school yard
There's lots of bodies and cartoonish looking blood everywhere

I wake up, take a shower, and write down this strange dream as best I can recollect. Soon I will go to work with it rolling around in my head. After a whole day I will probably be no closer to what it means. And then it will fade and disappear. Such is the way of things.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Arrgh, so tired!

I am worn out tonight. There were quite a few things I wanted to do but when I got home all I felt like doing was sitting. I suppose thats when you're supposed to force yourself up but I have no will power. So...no CYOF (or movie reviews) tonight. Possibly tomorrow though at the very least it will be up and awesome by the end of the week.

Oh and Spumkin put up a review of one of my favorite movies on our movie blog (the poster picture needs to be fixed though!). I rented PoD when I was stuck overseas in the middle of the desert last year and it gave me some much appreciated goofy laughs. So thats why I'm so fond of it, in case any of you were wondering.
I'm praying to the dark lord Morgatha that lives in the back of my closet to get your DVD player fixed Spitter. Broken movie watching technology angers him so hopefully it will get fixed soon.

Random thought #1:
If I could draw, right now I would draw a picture of Richard Simmons getting eaten by a bear. It's probably better that I can't draw...

Random thought #2:
Why do women in horror movies always try to run with high heels on? Is it supposed to make them look sexier? I think it just makes them look stupid because they always trip.
Some more horror movie clichés I would get rid of:
Cars not starting. Seriously, it happens in every damn movie. I'm sure the first 500 times they did it, it added to the tension but now its just laughable.
Creepy little kids. It worked in The Grudge and The Sixth Sense. Please stop putting them in movies. Who do I have to kick in the face to get this trend to stop?
Actually I think I'd mostly get rid of big budget horror movies all together. Most of my favorites were made for what it costs to cater most big budget crud. It's a genre that seems to produce its best work with limited means. But what do I know right, I'm just a NERD!

Last random thought(s):
I've been out of high school for almost five years now. I don't know why, but its very strange to think about. At least I'm not working at Burger King! (Although I'd probably be getting better pay and better hours compared to the military...)

Good night yall!

Edit update (whatever):
One of my favorite people on the Internets, who I've never met sadly, has a really good post up today: Emmy Rules!
I love that damn cupcake, and yes, I did put it as my desktop. Be sure to look at the comments, theres a really funny draw-off there!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

A Lurve Poem of Sorts

Imagine this being sung by a cheesy early 90s soul balladeer

(Piano intro)
Baby, I love you
You know that I do
But the world is pulling us apart
And there's not much I can do
Just yesterday the sun exploded
And everybody died
But we're super robots
So we both survived
But the atmosphere is gone
And with no gravity
Its hard for me to hold on
Oh, I'll meet you
On the south side of the moon

(Electric guitars kick in)
On the south side of the moon
I will be there soon
Just as soon as my rocket boosters
Repair themselves
I'll be right next to you
(Female background vocals: Oooh oooh ooh)
Baby I know
That it's cold
And the galaxy is spiraling out of control
So just hold
Just hold
Oh baby baby just hold on to me
And we'll make robot love
While the black hole sucks us in
into infinity

(Back to just tinkly piano)
Oh baby baby baby
I'll be with you....
As soon as I can find my legs
And my arms
And the the other half of my torso
I'll meet you...
On the south side of the moon

CYOF Needs More Ideas! And Some Other Junk

I only got one idea for ways the story could go, thats not good! Lets start throwing crazy ideas out there! Or is the story going in kind of a crappy direction? We could back track it if you want. Or just start over with a different story. I was thinking of doing that anyways, just start over and plopping "you" down in a different setting. What do you guys think?

Currently reading: Billions and Billions by Carl Sagan
If you ever fully reject religion, fill up that aching void in your heart with science! It feels real good.

Listening to: Walls to Roses: Songs of Changing Men
I've had this CD of gay folk music for awhile but it seems to get better the more I listen to it. Thats not "gay" as in "its lame." Its folk music by a group of homosexual musicians. No, no I'm not gay, good music is good music!

Currently wanting to watch: Coraline
Arrgh, I missed Wall-E in the theaters and now I'm going to miss this too! Hopefully I will get to experience it before the "goth" kids get a hold of it and it starts turning up at Hot Topic. Unless it has already....

This post's random thoughts:
Johnen Vasquez said he didn't really mind Invader Zim merchandise but he put a stop to pairs of Gir sandals. He said the thought of them being worn on dirty feet made him sick. And he claims that IZ fan fiction makes him want to puke. A quick glance at a few pages of it on the net and its not hard to see why...