In honor of a sweet sweet book I picked up today called Sunny Side Down: Tales of Mere Existence by Lev Yilmaz, here is my average day:
*First problem of the day: Alarm goes off.
*Solution: Hit snooze button, go back to sleep.
*Wake up again and realize already going to be late for work.
*Despite that fact, still move slowly brushing teeth, shaving, showering, getting into uniform, putting boots on. Hate self, hate day, hate work, hate world.
*Check Hotmail, Facebook, blogs, and Dumm Comics if connection is up.
*Waste time on Internet when should be walking to work.
*Walk ten minuets to work avoiding cars, staring other uniformed people down as they pass, and praying that an officer doesn't walk by so I don't have to salute.
*Arrive at work late, if late for more than three days in week, get lecture from boss.
*Grab papers, sit down at computer, log into computer, pretend to work while browsing IMDB, Pajiba, MSN news, random movie sites.
*Do paperwork fast then browse net till lunch.
*Walk to chowhall, then back to squalid little room to eat fried luncheon foods. Browse Internet again while clogging up arteries. Worry about getting fat. Look down at scrawny stick body, worry about not getting fat enough.
*Walk back to work, log into computer, browse net, do random paperwork.
*Deal with bosses, coworkers, customers, phone calls, meetings, assorted other bullshit. Count down the hours till quitting time.
*If odd day of the week, get out of work early to go to gym. Bring book to read while on exercise bike.
*If even day, browse Internet till time to go home. Head to library or shopette if bored and don't feel like going home.
*Sit for awhile enjoying silence and lack of people to have to listen to or lack of having to pretend to be busy.
*Go to chowhall.
*Eat shitty dinner there.
*Walk back home.
*Browse Internet, write in blog if feel like writing. Watch movie, read book, talk to (two) friends on MSN.
*Ponder why the work day goes by so slow but free time is gone like nothing.
*Tell self that military contract has only two years and counting left. Tell self ambitious lies about civilian life.
*Get to sleep much too late.
*Start back at beginning till weekend. Sleep much too late on both free days and drink too much, go to work tired and hungover on Monday.
*Get up at noon when cute girl kisses my face and says that pancakes and waffles are ready.
*Eat pancakes and waffles with strawberry jam and real butter.
*Have quick sex with girl.
*Put on comfortable sweat pants, t-shirt, and old pair of running shoes.
*Drive to work in flying car powered by self satisfaction.
*Head to immense library instead of work.
*Spend all day at library browsing stacks, talking to cute librarians, eating coffee and doughnuts, and taking cute librarians to lunch to discuss how much fun it is not to have to work for a living.
*Drive home with immense stack of books and movies. Stay up late reading comic books, writing, eating junk food, watching movies, and making sweet sweet love to cute live-in girlfriend.
*Go to sleep with smile on face.
*On weekends, don't get out of bed unless absolutely necessary. Read classic literature and laugh at Shakespearian wordplay and dirty Canterbury Tales.
*Wake up and realize it's 6:35, I'm late for work, alone, and facing another dreary day in the real world.
*Complain about it later in blog.