Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Handful of Short Poems

Bad Decision
Monkeys ruined my social scene
By peeing on my TV screen
And flinging poop from their rears
Why did I invite them over here?

Fun Day
One day I wanted to have some fun
So I took my knife and my gun
And went and saw old Bill Mars
And spent the day playing cards

Jenny Lee
I really like you Jenny Lee
Come and sit upon my knee
If your daddy asks
Please tell him lies
Last time he blackened both my eyes

I'll race you to that rotted tree
I bet I bet you can't catch me!
You're too slow
I'm already there!
You don't have any legs?
Just wooden pegs?
The Heck I care!
I still beat you fair and square!

Mia Z Took a stand
Her fist in the air
A mic in her hand
When Mia sang
The walls caved in
And people cheered above the din
But now Mia's gone
And in her place
A vacuum sits
A nothingness
A black hole
The pits
No more Mia, no more Gits
While in prison Jesus sits
I hope his Hell is every day
For taking our poor Mia away

Sunday, January 16, 2011

MS Paint Comix Time

Come see what happens when someone with no drawing talent attempts to make comics with a program that automatically turns everything into crap! Hooray!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Scene on Bench Outside the Church on Fourth Street

"Normal people aren't like us, Kate. They're boring."
Rob was a wierd-shit, but I liked to listen to him talk.
"So what are we exactly?"
I took out my cigs from my jacket pocket. Damn, last one. I needed to ration these things better. They were hard to get. Rob looked thoughtful for a bit, his eyes squinting in concentration.
"We are...we are...above." He smiled out of the corner of his mouth, like he always did when he thought he had said something profound. I thought it was kind of cute.
"Are we?" I took a drag and blew a cloud of smoke which vanished when the wind caught it. Damn it was cold out. I almost regretted skipping school. At least there it would be warm...
"The two of us are..." He put his hand up by the side of his face, shook it, and then dropped it into his lap. "The two of us are immaculate beings, created by the gods to be supreme creatures. That. That is what makes us above my dear Kate. It makes us Superior."
Rob was such a weirdo but that's really what drew me to him. He wasn't that good looking, small nerdish guy, but he was really smart, and had this strange dry humor. Like now. He was trying to make me laugh and it was working, damn him. I took another cig drag.
"You know you didn't have to skip today." I looked over at him, sitting there in cheap JC Penny clothes that his mom had bought for him. What a fucking nerd. I smiled again, even though I didn't want to.
"But you were..."
"Yeah I know, you skipped for me. It's sweet and all but I don't want to get you in trouble. I've done enough of that already..."
"Don't worry about it." He was looking at the ground now. I could almost hear the gears moving in his head.
"Why shouldn't I worry about it? You're smart, smarter than anyone else I've ever met. I don't want you to fuck your life up Rob! You've got too much going for you..."
He turned and looked at me.
"I don't care, I just want to be with you."
I sighed loudly. This was all my fault. So fucking stupid, why did everything have to be so fucked up? I dropped my cig on the ground and crushed it under my heel.
"Look. You're going to go to college and you're going to forget all about me. I'm going to get a job at a fucking grocery store and then..."
"That's not how it's going to happen."
"Yeah it is. You fucking know it is. Even though you try and tell yourself thats now how life works..."
"But you're too smart for..."
Me yelling now. I didn't understand why either. "What do you think I've got? You think I'm going to get to go to college? Huh? White trash little slut that can't even graduate from fucking high school. You think I've got a fucking chance? I never did, it's all...It's all fucked up!" Breathing hard I wiped a single tear from my face.
Rob didn't say anything for awhile. I could tell he was thinking again.
"You...you can draw though right?"
"Yeah, I guess. Sort of."
"No, I've seen your stuff, it's really good." He looked up at me and smiled. "You'll do okay...both of us will."
For a fucking nerd, he sure know the right things to say, I'll give him that.
"Rob, you..."
I was interrupted by a car that had just driven up that neither of us had even noticed. It was an ancient looking station wagon, green with awful wood panels. The man who stepped out was wearing a grey suit, perfectly pressed with impossibly perfect shoes. Mr. Ward, the school principal. The biggest asshole I had ever met in my life. He put his hands on his hips and arched his eyebrows. His hair piece flipped a little in the October wind but didn't fly off like it should have.
"Robert Milligan," He started, not even looking at me, "Skipping school again. Your mother is going to be very upset and I. I am very dissapointed in you."
Rob didn't say anything, just stared at the ground.
"Well," Hands still on his hips, "What do you have to say for yourself young man?"
Rob still didn't lift his head. "I don't care." He mumbled.
Mr. Ward walked over and knelt down, putting Rob's chin in his hand and lifting it so they were looking each other in the eyes. Rob looked angry, which was bad, Rob hardly ever got angry.
"I said..." Venom in his voice, oh Jesus this was going to be bad. "I said I don't give a shit!"
Mr. Ward looked shocked or a second and then grabbed Rob by the arm, trying to pull him into his car. Rob was the angriest I'd ever seen him. Not even after that drunk guy had tried to paw me outside the bar had I seen like this. His face was beet red and you could tell he was breathing hard.
I got up and started yelling, I can't even remember what, not that it mattered anyways. Neither of them was paying attention to me.
"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!" Struggling struggling and then...and then it came. I saw it almost in slow motion. Rob got his left arm free and swung around...
The punch landed square on Mr. Ward's jaw, his head cocked back and his damn hairpiece flew off into the air. But it didn't end there. Rob gave him a shove and he landed on the sidewalk, a look of genuine surprise on his face.
Rob really was breathing heavily now, his dorky side parted hair was a mess.
"If you ever touch me again....I'll break out every tooth in your goddman head. You understand?" And then he kicked him in the stomach, hard, so hard that Mr. Ward curled up into a fetal position and threw up all over the curb. Then Rob looked at me, and he smiled. He fucking smiled!
I felt sick to my stomach. This was all my fault. All my fucking fault...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lets Punk

Proudly made with MS Paint

Monday, January 3, 2011

Twitch Your Eyes

I see you lying there
On your back
On the ground
I see the hole there in your head
Where the blood comes pouring down
You should be dead
That's what I surmise
But to my surprise....

Beneath your eyelids
Your lovely orbs go up and down
They're the only things that move around
It's such a peculiar thing
Are you still alive?
Just twitch your pretty pretty eyes

Just last week you drove your car
Off of the bridge
That was on the east side
And it was obvious to everyone
There was no way you were alive
But as the credits rolled
The crowd got up and started to go home
I was the only one that noticed
And I could't keep it inside
I saw you sitting there
And I yelled out "Baby twitch your eyes for me again!"

Beneath your eyelids
Your lovely orbs go up and down
They're the only things that move around
It's such a peculiar thing
Are you still alive?
Just twitch your eyes
And let us know
Just twitch your pretty pretty eyes

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Movie Reviews: Monster High (1989)

DVD bargain bins are interesting things. By reaching my grubby hands in and digging down the to bottom, risking getting fingers bitten off by whatever the heck lives down there, I've gotten some genuine classics, some over looked low budget gems, and some awful crap. Sometimes it's hard to tell by the cover just how entertaining the movie is going to be, but for five bucks or less, why not spin that wheel? Monster High looked pretty stupid, but at least entertaingly so. A stupid kid's movie perhaps? It did come out in the late 80s, a great time for crappy kid's flicks. Nope, it's rated R. Oh well, it can't be that bad...

I know this sounds harsh, but some people should not make movies. For even thinking about getting near a camera, they should be smacked in the face several times till they go back to their jobs managing Burger Kings. This movie is such a complete mess that even after watching all 84 minutes of it, I can't really tell you what the plot is. For some reason the earth is going to be destroyed and then there's this guy who looks like a Las Vegas lounge singer who comes out of a basketball and starts bringing monsters to life when he's not raping and then killing cheerleaders, and then this one character keeps waking up over and over...sometimes it's good to have an actual script when you make a movie instead of just a bunch of random ideas and no plot.
Oh yeah, this is a comedy, even though none of it's funny. The asshole rapping aliens that sound like Fred Figglehorn are not funny, the giant pot plant is not funny, even the nerd that gets turned into a computer isn't funny. It's a great example of how an incompetant director can really ruin good ideas. It's not much fun to watch though. Instead of entertaining, it's just pathetic and sad.
But hey, if you like boobs, there's lots of them! Stunt boobs though. It's very obvious that the main actress didn't want to take her top off. She can't act very well either and isn't that good looking. Why was she cast? Oh thats right, the director was an idiot.
This is the kind of movie that you catch at five in the morning when you're still a little drunk and then fall asleep in the middle of. When you wake up that afternoon you still have lingering memories of a turd monster that was obviously a midget in a poorly made costume and the bad taste of late 80s synth in your mouth. How this ended up on DVD is a mystery...
Grade: F