Saturday, September 25, 2010

The WORST ads ever made!

You may have been laughed at those gross and stupid diarrhea ads. You've probably been annoyed by the stupid loud kids in those awful pizza roll commercials. But I bet you haven't seen anything as jaw droppingly awful as these ads by the Massengil Company. Hold onto your hats...

It's not just the fact that they use the word douche *snicker* over and over, there's a weird surreality to these things that probably comes from the fact that nobody ever acts like the people in these ads do, not even in other ads.

Adding to the weirdness is some of the worst 80s clothes and hair ever. All of these spots reek of hair spray and sweater fuzz.

More comfortable slanted design? Why would that matter...oh.

I don't have enough personal experience with how lady parts work, but wouldn't having to clean your crotch with vinegar make you kind of a...skank? Especially when you have to use extra strength stuff? Correct me if I'm wrong.

But Massengil wasn't the only company putting these big balls of awkward on the TV in the 80s, oh no. Check out Summer's Eve:

Not as bad, admittedly. It seems like Massengil were the only ones doing mother/daughter ads. (The vid header says Summer's Eve, but it's not.)

I have no idea how to end this post. How about with a song?

(Sung to the tune of Que Sara Sara)

When I was a teenage girl
I said to my mother please
My crotch it feels gritty
What should I do?
Here's what she said to me:

Douche Sara Sara
Whenever it burns when you pee
The same thing it happens to me
Douche Sara Sara

When I was older I met a boy
Not the cleanest one you see
Now I have crabs
It's driving me mad
But I know just what I need...

Douche Sara Sara
Whatever happens to me
Douche Sara Sara
Now I feel fresh and clean
Douche Sara Sara

Now my children they're all grown
But I still sit them on my knee
I hand them a bottle
With a slanted nozzle
And I tell them tenderly...

Douche Sara Sara
Take some advice from me
Douche Sara Sara
If it burns when you pee!

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