Hope you guys like this one. It's full of stuff that I've loved for awhile, and some new stuff that I've just gotten into recently. I also tried to create different mood themes to run through it. Not sure if it worked too well...
1. Santo and Johnny - Sleepwalk (Extended Version)
2. The Schoolboys - Please Say You Want Me
3. Steve Fitch - It's My Birthday
4. Joe Diffie - Down in a Ditch
5. Frank Black - Speedy Marie
6. Simon & Garfunkel - The Boxer
7. The Plasmatics - Stop
8. Wendy O. Williams - No Class
9. Acid Bath - Cheap Vodka
10. Steve Fitch - In the Neighborhood
11. ???????????????????????????????
12. Pixies - Wave of Mutilation (UK Surf)
13. The Sex Pistols - Rock Around the Clock
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Heaven (Notebook scrap #1)
It was hot out that day. Boiling hot. As I struggled to get through the thick jungle brush, sweat poured down my face and soaked my clothes till I was drenched. I was looking for Heather and when I found her this time, she was going to get locked up. She was created to serve me sexually and I was going to goddamned if I was going to let her run away from me again. Where the Hell did she think she was going to go? This was a fucking island. Not only was it an island but it was the only island on a planet completly covered with water otherwise. No other land could exist unless I willed it. And that wasn't going to fucking happen. I was happy here with everything just the way it was. And why shouldn't I be? I had created the fucking place after all...
Okay, so here's the thing. Heaven isn't what you think it is. First of all, it's what you make it. After you die, you wake up floating in a white void. If you're smart, you'll figure out that you can create a place to live just by thinking about it. If you're not smart...well I guess you're shit out of luck. Hope you like the color white.
But anyways, I always wanted my own island when I was alive. It was a weird fascianation I developed as a kid after being forced to read Lord of the Flies in grade school. So I made a fucking tropical island. Great, perfect. Except that god is a fucking dick....
See, you can create whatever you want. You want a huge mansion? There you go, you got a mansion. You want a rock that juts out that you can fish off of? Okay, there you go. But you can't control the weather and you can't control the rising and the setting of the sun. I know, it's complete bullshit. Since I made a tropical island, now I have to deal with the heat for all eternity. And the rain. It rains almost twice a week here. Why don't I just make something else? Because that's another thing. Once you create something, you can't get rid of it and you can't alter it. So I made this island and that was that, now I'm stuck. I'd like to meet god, just once, I'd punch him in his fucking face. Yeah, I'll bet he gets a good laugh out of guys like me who think they got it made, think the afterlife is any better than the before life. What a crock of shit. And you can still feel pain! Your broken bones and cuts heal faster, but it still fucking hurts. Jesus, what an asshole!
But anyways, I was looking for Heather...
Heather was based on a girl that I had really wanted to fuck in high school. A sweet little innocent blonde girl, real short with pouty lips. So I created her and for a good month I fucked the shit out of her whenever I felt like it. Then one day she asked me if she could have some books. Fine, whatever. Not like it was costing me anything. So I made her some encyclopedias. Big mistake. They put ideas in her head and suddenly she didn't want me anymore and started trying to escape. The first time I found her on the other side of the island hiding in some caves. It was a pain in the ass to get there because I had to cross the huge mountains that divided the island in half and I got pretty banged up on the way there. I beat her up pretty good and told her that she'd get worse if she tried it again. She was a good little girl for about a month and then took off again. And thats where we're at now...
When I found her she was sitting in a clearing that I had never seen before. I'd been all over this island and knew it like the back of my hand, but I had never seen this fucking place.
You know that little voice in your head that tells you that something is really wrong? Well, that didn't go off for me. Tough shit I guess.
So she's sitting in this clearing with her legs crossed and she's got this book in front of her, again, nothing that I had ever fucking made.
So I go to grab her and she just laughs at me. A real evil type of laugh too. And she starts saying these words, these real strange garbled words and points at me. Of course now I'm more pissed off than I've ever been and I got to grab her by the hair when I start to feel funny. Like when you're sick and get light headed and weak. And it surges through my whole body. And then I look down and my feet are gone. And I watch my legs and my stomach go away until finally there's just my head floating there and I says to this girl:
"Why are you doing this? This is my world!"
And she says:
"No it's not, not anymore."
And then I'm floating in this black void and I can't see my hands in front of my face. I floated for a long time until I found this place. I kind of like this place, the beer is good and the whores you created are great! So whats outside the door there? Nothing? What do you mean nothing? All you created was this goddamn pub? You stupid fucking idiot...
Okay, so here's the thing. Heaven isn't what you think it is. First of all, it's what you make it. After you die, you wake up floating in a white void. If you're smart, you'll figure out that you can create a place to live just by thinking about it. If you're not smart...well I guess you're shit out of luck. Hope you like the color white.
But anyways, I always wanted my own island when I was alive. It was a weird fascianation I developed as a kid after being forced to read Lord of the Flies in grade school. So I made a fucking tropical island. Great, perfect. Except that god is a fucking dick....
See, you can create whatever you want. You want a huge mansion? There you go, you got a mansion. You want a rock that juts out that you can fish off of? Okay, there you go. But you can't control the weather and you can't control the rising and the setting of the sun. I know, it's complete bullshit. Since I made a tropical island, now I have to deal with the heat for all eternity. And the rain. It rains almost twice a week here. Why don't I just make something else? Because that's another thing. Once you create something, you can't get rid of it and you can't alter it. So I made this island and that was that, now I'm stuck. I'd like to meet god, just once, I'd punch him in his fucking face. Yeah, I'll bet he gets a good laugh out of guys like me who think they got it made, think the afterlife is any better than the before life. What a crock of shit. And you can still feel pain! Your broken bones and cuts heal faster, but it still fucking hurts. Jesus, what an asshole!
But anyways, I was looking for Heather...
Heather was based on a girl that I had really wanted to fuck in high school. A sweet little innocent blonde girl, real short with pouty lips. So I created her and for a good month I fucked the shit out of her whenever I felt like it. Then one day she asked me if she could have some books. Fine, whatever. Not like it was costing me anything. So I made her some encyclopedias. Big mistake. They put ideas in her head and suddenly she didn't want me anymore and started trying to escape. The first time I found her on the other side of the island hiding in some caves. It was a pain in the ass to get there because I had to cross the huge mountains that divided the island in half and I got pretty banged up on the way there. I beat her up pretty good and told her that she'd get worse if she tried it again. She was a good little girl for about a month and then took off again. And thats where we're at now...
When I found her she was sitting in a clearing that I had never seen before. I'd been all over this island and knew it like the back of my hand, but I had never seen this fucking place.
You know that little voice in your head that tells you that something is really wrong? Well, that didn't go off for me. Tough shit I guess.
So she's sitting in this clearing with her legs crossed and she's got this book in front of her, again, nothing that I had ever fucking made.
So I go to grab her and she just laughs at me. A real evil type of laugh too. And she starts saying these words, these real strange garbled words and points at me. Of course now I'm more pissed off than I've ever been and I got to grab her by the hair when I start to feel funny. Like when you're sick and get light headed and weak. And it surges through my whole body. And then I look down and my feet are gone. And I watch my legs and my stomach go away until finally there's just my head floating there and I says to this girl:
"Why are you doing this? This is my world!"
And she says:
"No it's not, not anymore."
And then I'm floating in this black void and I can't see my hands in front of my face. I floated for a long time until I found this place. I kind of like this place, the beer is good and the whores you created are great! So whats outside the door there? Nothing? What do you mean nothing? All you created was this goddamn pub? You stupid fucking idiot...
Saturday, December 25, 2010
13 Ways to Make Your Christmas Less Depressing
So it's Christmas eve, and you're all alone. Your girlfriend dumped you last week and the only presents you've recieved were a pair of ugly looking socks from your mother. Nobody loves you, not even your cat which left a nice big vomity present under your scraggly tree. But don't put that noose around your neck yet! There's lots of good ways to make your holiday season less suicidally grim! Such as...
1. Go out and buy booze for all the homeless people in your neighborhood. Then invite them to a huge party in front of the local police station.
2. Take a local child from a broken home and look for a Christmas tree. But don't buy one, there's trees all over! Just make sure that if you hear a motor running or gunshots that small children do not make very good body shields. Conk him out with a piece of wood and run!
3. Find that one kid in the neighborhood that you really can't stand (preferably from a broken home) and buy him the coolest looking toy ever. Then eat it in front of him.
4. Take a bunch of dogs and cats from the local animal shelter and set them loose in a local elementary school. The kids will shit themselves with joy!
5. Cheer up a child from a broken home by giving his mom some money. Preferably from the window of a vehicle while she is standing on a street corner.
6. Decorate your boss's office with fake snow. Make sure to get every inch covered!
7. Take those socks you got and make funny hand puppets. Put on a show for some local children from broken homes that explains why there are poor and their parents drink all the time. It's because they exist.
8. Hug everybody you see for one whole day. And you feel so inclined, kiss them too! On the mouth. For a very long time.
9. Create a new Christmas character: Santa no pants! Go around to various broken homes and do your funny Santa no pants dance.
10. Visit the local old folks home. Bring your hand puppets. Refuse to leave until you've make each old person smile at least once. If the puppets fail, bring out Santa no pants!
11. Go on Facebook and post that you are going to kill yourself. Lots of people will come over to your house then!
12. Christmas music should be played loudly and at very early hours of the morning. This works well if you live in an apartment!
13. Kidnap a child from a broken home and keep him in a closet. Feed him nothing but candy canes and eggnog till he turns into an jolly Christmas elf. If he dies before that, quietly return him to the broken home from whence he came...
There, now your Christmas will be bright and gay! Hey, put down those razorblades!
1. Go out and buy booze for all the homeless people in your neighborhood. Then invite them to a huge party in front of the local police station.
2. Take a local child from a broken home and look for a Christmas tree. But don't buy one, there's trees all over! Just make sure that if you hear a motor running or gunshots that small children do not make very good body shields. Conk him out with a piece of wood and run!
3. Find that one kid in the neighborhood that you really can't stand (preferably from a broken home) and buy him the coolest looking toy ever. Then eat it in front of him.
4. Take a bunch of dogs and cats from the local animal shelter and set them loose in a local elementary school. The kids will shit themselves with joy!
5. Cheer up a child from a broken home by giving his mom some money. Preferably from the window of a vehicle while she is standing on a street corner.
6. Decorate your boss's office with fake snow. Make sure to get every inch covered!
7. Take those socks you got and make funny hand puppets. Put on a show for some local children from broken homes that explains why there are poor and their parents drink all the time. It's because they exist.
8. Hug everybody you see for one whole day. And you feel so inclined, kiss them too! On the mouth. For a very long time.
9. Create a new Christmas character: Santa no pants! Go around to various broken homes and do your funny Santa no pants dance.
10. Visit the local old folks home. Bring your hand puppets. Refuse to leave until you've make each old person smile at least once. If the puppets fail, bring out Santa no pants!
11. Go on Facebook and post that you are going to kill yourself. Lots of people will come over to your house then!
12. Christmas music should be played loudly and at very early hours of the morning. This works well if you live in an apartment!
13. Kidnap a child from a broken home and keep him in a closet. Feed him nothing but candy canes and eggnog till he turns into an jolly Christmas elf. If he dies before that, quietly return him to the broken home from whence he came...
There, now your Christmas will be bright and gay! Hey, put down those razorblades!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wonderful Day
My urgent response was needed
To get my Christmas prize today
I won some Russian ladies
They're already on their way
Thank god I've got my Viagra
From the Pfizer company
And when they show up to the door
I'll show them my winning ID
I think I can safely say
It's going to be a goddamn wonderful day
Because I've
Just won three million dollars
From the Microsoft Lottery
And then I got 2 million more
From some guy named Ahmed Abdel-Azeem
Those Nigerians are so generous
It's hard for me to believe
That all this good luck
Came to a poor schmuck
As undeserving as me
And I'm very happy to say
It's going to be a goddamn wonderful day
To get my Christmas prize today
I won some Russian ladies
They're already on their way
Thank god I've got my Viagra
From the Pfizer company
And when they show up to the door
I'll show them my winning ID
I think I can safely say
It's going to be a goddamn wonderful day
Because I've
Just won three million dollars
From the Microsoft Lottery
And then I got 2 million more
From some guy named Ahmed Abdel-Azeem
Those Nigerians are so generous
It's hard for me to believe
That all this good luck
Came to a poor schmuck
As undeserving as me
And I'm very happy to say
It's going to be a goddamn wonderful day
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Dinosaur Rock
I remember when I was 21
I got all the girls to hold my gun
But now that my salad days are done
How the hell do I get my fun?
All I do is shake my cock
Boppin' my head to the dinosaur rock
I don't understand these kids today
What happened to the music they used to play?
I would listen to The Eagles and party all night
The Rolling Stones man it was all right
Led Zeppelin till the morning light
And it was all right
And it was all right
And it was all right....
To let it Rock!
Now that I am 46
How the Hell am I goin' to get my kicks?
And get all the girls down on my dick?
I just drive around in my 76 Vette
Blastin' that good stuff on my cassettes
Yeah, that's what I said
Don't need no CDs no MP3's
Just get that shit away from me!
My classic rock station is what I play
More of my hair falls out everyday
Just let it ROCK!
Just let it dinosaur rock
(Spoken): Hey, what the Hell is this? If you don't switch that back to Tom Petty you can walk home! You damn kids with your rap junk! What is this? What is this? Nickleback is okay I guess...
I got all the girls to hold my gun
But now that my salad days are done
How the hell do I get my fun?
All I do is shake my cock
Boppin' my head to the dinosaur rock
I don't understand these kids today
What happened to the music they used to play?
I would listen to The Eagles and party all night
The Rolling Stones man it was all right
Led Zeppelin till the morning light
And it was all right
And it was all right
And it was all right....
To let it Rock!
Now that I am 46
How the Hell am I goin' to get my kicks?
And get all the girls down on my dick?
I just drive around in my 76 Vette
Blastin' that good stuff on my cassettes
Yeah, that's what I said
Don't need no CDs no MP3's
Just get that shit away from me!
My classic rock station is what I play
More of my hair falls out everyday
Just let it ROCK!
Just let it dinosaur rock
(Spoken): Hey, what the Hell is this? If you don't switch that back to Tom Petty you can walk home! You damn kids with your rap junk! What is this? What is this? Nickleback is okay I guess...
Random List: 10 Creepy Movie Scenes
The one's that have stuck in my brain and continue to fuel my nightmares...
1. El laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth) (2006) - The Pale Man Scene
Nothing I've ever seen on film has freaked me out as much as this. Just the way the thing moves (shiver)
2. The Animatrix (2003) - The Second Renaissance Stories
It's a tie between the woman/robot getting beaten to death with a hammer and human energy machine.
3. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) - Dinner Table Scene
Apprently it was no picnic for the actors either. The smell of rotting meat was so strong that some of the actors started to hallucinate that they really were the characters they were playing. One described the experience as worse than nam.
4. A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) - Robot Torture Carnival
The whole sequence is pretty disturbing, but the part that really got to me is when the nurse robot gets acid dumped on her head. She gives an innocent smile, AND THEN HER FUCKING FACE MELTS OFF! Gah!
5. Silence of the Lambs (1991) - "It rubs the lotion on it's skin..."
You knew this one had to be on here. The freakiest part for me though is when the camera pans up, you see several fingernails embedded in the side of the well, and the trapped girl screams her head off...
6. The Gate (1981) - The Eye
Not too many people remember this movie, which is a shame since it's pretty damn good. The scene in question involves an eye where it shouldn't be and a rather frank way of removing it...
7. Child's Play (1988) - In Which We Find Out What's Really Been Going On
The series got campier and campier as it went along, but the first movie had some genuinly creepy moments. My favorite being the part where the mother picks up the box Chucky came in and the batteries fall out...
8. The Amityville Horror (1979) - Imaginary Friend
A generally boring and stupid movie made in the wake of The Exorcist, based on a book so full of shit that you can smell it when you pick it up, it did however have one really effective scene. There's something about red eyes staring out from the darkness that's just so fucking creepy to me, I don't know what it is...
9. The Fly (1986) - Maggot Birth
The scene in question is just creepy and wrong in so many ways...thanks Cronenberg!
10. Eraserhead (1976) - The Whole Movie!
I've heard that baby's crying in my nightmares...
So what are the scenes that have creeped you out the most? Put them in the comments section!
1. El laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth) (2006) - The Pale Man Scene
Nothing I've ever seen on film has freaked me out as much as this. Just the way the thing moves (shiver)
2. The Animatrix (2003) - The Second Renaissance Stories
It's a tie between the woman/robot getting beaten to death with a hammer and human energy machine.
3. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) - Dinner Table Scene
Apprently it was no picnic for the actors either. The smell of rotting meat was so strong that some of the actors started to hallucinate that they really were the characters they were playing. One described the experience as worse than nam.
4. A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) - Robot Torture Carnival
The whole sequence is pretty disturbing, but the part that really got to me is when the nurse robot gets acid dumped on her head. She gives an innocent smile, AND THEN HER FUCKING FACE MELTS OFF! Gah!
5. Silence of the Lambs (1991) - "It rubs the lotion on it's skin..."
You knew this one had to be on here. The freakiest part for me though is when the camera pans up, you see several fingernails embedded in the side of the well, and the trapped girl screams her head off...
6. The Gate (1981) - The Eye
Not too many people remember this movie, which is a shame since it's pretty damn good. The scene in question involves an eye where it shouldn't be and a rather frank way of removing it...
7. Child's Play (1988) - In Which We Find Out What's Really Been Going On
The series got campier and campier as it went along, but the first movie had some genuinly creepy moments. My favorite being the part where the mother picks up the box Chucky came in and the batteries fall out...
8. The Amityville Horror (1979) - Imaginary Friend
A generally boring and stupid movie made in the wake of The Exorcist, based on a book so full of shit that you can smell it when you pick it up, it did however have one really effective scene. There's something about red eyes staring out from the darkness that's just so fucking creepy to me, I don't know what it is...
9. The Fly (1986) - Maggot Birth
The scene in question is just creepy and wrong in so many ways...thanks Cronenberg!
10. Eraserhead (1976) - The Whole Movie!
I've heard that baby's crying in my nightmares...
So what are the scenes that have creeped you out the most? Put them in the comments section!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Dancing on a Pinhead (Part 2)
"So, what do you do for a living?"
She was sitting in the rickety wooden chair next to my desk. I looked up from where I was hunched over, trying to get the fire started. She had my extra blanket wrapped around her and was wearing some of Mary's old clothes, the one's that I never got around to throwing out. They fit her surprisingly pretty well. The dim candle light cast half of her face in shadow, making her look other quite sinister.
"Huh? Oh, I'm a busker." A few sparks but nothing was catching. Damn cheap hardwood...
"What's a busker?"
I wished she would stop staring at me. She hadn't stopped since we had gotten here. I supposed she was just being cautious.
"It's a fancy word for street musician." There it went, small little flame, pathetic little thing, trying to eat something that was too big for it's mouth. More paper scraps to make it get big and strong...
"Oh really? What do you play?"
Good, good fire. Hopefully it wouldn't go out. I pointed to a case in the corner opposite my bed.
"Squeezebox." I walked over and picked up the case. Setting it on the desk in front of her, I flipped open the latches and took out the funny looking thing that was my lively hood. I played a quick little tune and she laughed.
"Do you make good money with this?" She asked, taking it from me and pressing random keys.
"No not really, enough to eat most of the time and pay the rent on this shitehole but that's about it."
She set the instrument back in it's case. "Do you think that I could...your fire went out." She said, pointing.
"Ah shit!" I yelled and crouched back down in front of the fire place. I need to move somewhere where "winter" doesn't exist, I thought as I blew on the coals.
"What were you saying?" I said without turning around.
"I was gonna ask if I could help you in some way." I sat up.
"Can you sing?"
"I haven't really tried recently, but when I was younger I used to sing quite a bit in Sunday morning church."
I stared into her burning green eyes and the thought occurred to me for some unknown reason that she was lying and had never set foot in a church in her life. But it went quickly and I wouldn't think about it again till later...
"Well, let's give it a shot. What songs do you know?" I walked over and picked up my squeezebox again.
"Sweet Polly Ann?"
A pretty simple well known valley song. I played a few opening chords and then set on the regular melody.
"Sweet Polly Ann
Why did you run from me?
It hurt my heart to see you go
Traveling over the sea
If I had wings
I'd fly away
And bring you back to me..."
I stopped playing, my jaw hanging open. Her voice was the most incredible thing I'd ever heard in my life. It was almost impossibly perfect, like she had stolen an angel's vocal chords and swapped them with her own. She stopped singing and looked at me.
"Was it that bad?"
I found it hard to speak at first. "No, no, it was great! Lets...lets do another song."
And we did. Till it got very late....
Lying in bed, staring at the holes in the ceiling, my head was still dizzy. How was this possible? Was I dreaming? I had found this impossibly beautiful whore in the worst pub in town, got her to come home with me, and then I find out that she sings better than Mother Mary herself?
I sat up and tried to hear her breathing in the small room next to mine that I usually used as a storage closet, but even with the thin walls, I couldn't hear anything. I thought about checking on her, but that might not end well. I didn't think she really trusted me yet. But maybe I should have. Especially with what happened later...
She was sitting in the rickety wooden chair next to my desk. I looked up from where I was hunched over, trying to get the fire started. She had my extra blanket wrapped around her and was wearing some of Mary's old clothes, the one's that I never got around to throwing out. They fit her surprisingly pretty well. The dim candle light cast half of her face in shadow, making her look other quite sinister.
"Huh? Oh, I'm a busker." A few sparks but nothing was catching. Damn cheap hardwood...
"What's a busker?"
I wished she would stop staring at me. She hadn't stopped since we had gotten here. I supposed she was just being cautious.
"It's a fancy word for street musician." There it went, small little flame, pathetic little thing, trying to eat something that was too big for it's mouth. More paper scraps to make it get big and strong...
"Oh really? What do you play?"
Good, good fire. Hopefully it wouldn't go out. I pointed to a case in the corner opposite my bed.
"Squeezebox." I walked over and picked up the case. Setting it on the desk in front of her, I flipped open the latches and took out the funny looking thing that was my lively hood. I played a quick little tune and she laughed.
"Do you make good money with this?" She asked, taking it from me and pressing random keys.
"No not really, enough to eat most of the time and pay the rent on this shitehole but that's about it."
She set the instrument back in it's case. "Do you think that I could...your fire went out." She said, pointing.
"Ah shit!" I yelled and crouched back down in front of the fire place. I need to move somewhere where "winter" doesn't exist, I thought as I blew on the coals.
"What were you saying?" I said without turning around.
"I was gonna ask if I could help you in some way." I sat up.
"Can you sing?"
"I haven't really tried recently, but when I was younger I used to sing quite a bit in Sunday morning church."
I stared into her burning green eyes and the thought occurred to me for some unknown reason that she was lying and had never set foot in a church in her life. But it went quickly and I wouldn't think about it again till later...
"Well, let's give it a shot. What songs do you know?" I walked over and picked up my squeezebox again.
"Sweet Polly Ann?"
A pretty simple well known valley song. I played a few opening chords and then set on the regular melody.
"Sweet Polly Ann
Why did you run from me?
It hurt my heart to see you go
Traveling over the sea
If I had wings
I'd fly away
And bring you back to me..."
I stopped playing, my jaw hanging open. Her voice was the most incredible thing I'd ever heard in my life. It was almost impossibly perfect, like she had stolen an angel's vocal chords and swapped them with her own. She stopped singing and looked at me.
"Was it that bad?"
I found it hard to speak at first. "No, no, it was great! Lets...lets do another song."
And we did. Till it got very late....
Lying in bed, staring at the holes in the ceiling, my head was still dizzy. How was this possible? Was I dreaming? I had found this impossibly beautiful whore in the worst pub in town, got her to come home with me, and then I find out that she sings better than Mother Mary herself?
I sat up and tried to hear her breathing in the small room next to mine that I usually used as a storage closet, but even with the thin walls, I couldn't hear anything. I thought about checking on her, but that might not end well. I didn't think she really trusted me yet. But maybe I should have. Especially with what happened later...
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