Friday, April 24, 2009

Depression

The things down by the river are laughing at me. Even though I'm safe in my house by the old dirt road I can still hear them, mocking me, having a good time at my expense...

I haven't been posting a lot lately, as some of you may have noticed. Part of the reason is that the military has been taking a lot of my time again, but it's mostly because I've been so damned depressed lately. I go through periods where I'm really low and can't do anything but browse the same websites over and over and listen to music to try and cheer myself up. Then there's times when I feel sort of up and thats when I like to write because when I can't concentrate on anything but my own misery my writing really suffers because it comes out all whiny and emo-tastic. I can't pretend to be happy and if I don't feel like writing it comes out all half-ass and I hate it. Well, I hate all my writing anyways but at least I can stand to look at it when I know I've put some effort into it.
So I sit and listen to Mazzy Star and try to feel better but I know I won't. I try to resist drinking because I know it'll make me feel worse and I don't like to talk about how bad I feel because I don't have many friends that will listen anyways and, again, I hate coming off as whiny.
Being tired as shit all the time because your job necessitates doesn't help either. I haven't had a full weekend off in three weeks. I was supposed to have one starting tomorrow, but no, I have to come in anyways. Do me a big favor and never join the military, it's not worth the pay. Trust me.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so disappointing in starting things and then not finishing them. I'm horrible at finishing projects I start at the best of times. It's so frustrating, I have all these ideas that kick the inside of my head, but not enough time, drive, money, or ability to realize them. Sigh.

So...happy stuff? How about one of my favorite artists doing fan art of a character created by my favorite artist ever: Emmy C's Skadi fan art, OMG, so awesome!!! Be still my heart.
I was just wondering last week if Emmy was a Skadi fan since she did a post about barbarian girls a bit ago.

Other happy things? Well, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein was great. The thing I loved the most about it was that it's Bela Lugosi's second (and last) appearance as Count Dracula. I'm a huge Lugosi fan so it was awesome to see him fight the freaking Wolfman! If I can muster up enough energy I'll post about all the A&C movies I've been watching. Bud and Lou were always really funny even if the movies they got put were below par most of time.

Someday the creatures that mock me will realize that they live in a freaking swamp and their lives aren't much better than mine. They will beg to be let into my house but all the doors will be locked. Then the crocodiles will come for them....

4 comments:

Phantom Spitter said...

Don't be sad, buddy! You beat yourself up WAY too much over your writings. For my tastes, it's better than Stephen King. Continue the Mean Joe saga! And more after that! We crave it!

Kurdt said...

Awww, thanks man!
I've got a notebook full of stuff to post up starting tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Ricky said...

Kurdt,

have I got a scoop for you. But you have to promise you will not tell anyone. I kind of hit a depression rock bottom in recent months. I was going longer and longer stretches avoiding work, smoking like a chimeney, and constantly worrying.

Working in animation had always been my dream (in fact i clawed and scratched my way into the business after many post-school years working menial jobs), but now I realize it is a creatively corrupt industry that is slowly sucking my life away. I'm thankful for the opportunities it has afforded me, but i feel that my life is wasting away working on projects I have strong moral objections to. (i.e, mindless heartless kid's t.v.)

a surprising turn of events came about when my girlfriend suggested that i quit my job and concentrate on my comic full time. Now, i've saved up a little bit of money and my girlfriend continues to work which makes this quite plausible.

needless to say, I have found a renewed inspiration and I'm slowly but surely slogging through one last bit of horrible executive-driven pap, and then I'm set free.

hang in there, work hard, and things will work themselves out.

P.s. I haven't made any formal announcement regarding this decision, so let's keep it between you, me and the people lucky enough to follow your blog.

Kurdt said...

Wow, thanks Ricky!
That really means a lot. You and the other Dumm artists have been a huge inspiration as well as a source of daily amusement for me since you guys started.
I feel honored that you actually read my rambling thoughts and lame stories.
Thanks for posting and your secret is safe with me!