Monday, June 22, 2009
Soko's Back!
Well, sort of. She took the "Soko is Dead" thing off her Myspace and she's got a couple upcoming shows in England. No new songs yet though. My fingers are crossed! In a blatant rip-off of Nico's Double Takes blog, here's some pictures of her just because I want to put some up.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
1:41 AM - 2:15 AM
#1
It's not that I don't love you
I just don't see you enough
When we're three million miles away
Spending time is kinda tuff
But this is just to let you know
That I think of you a lot
When I count on my fingers
All the good things I have got
#2
I feel sick
But thats normal
But I wish there was a portal
That I could use to escape these pricks
That walk down the hall swinging their dicks around
But it's okay because I'm fine
Sitting locked up in my mind
And I can drift away
And I know that someday
I'll be living on my platform
In a solar dome in space
I'll feel better when I can escape
This dirt called the human race
#3
When I was a kid I used to stay up late on Saturday nights and watch MAD TV and MASH on Fox 11. Sometimes they'd show a bad movie like The Brain that Wouldn't Die or Carnival of Souls (which is actually a good movie in spite of itself). There used to be this show called Ned the Dead's Chiller Theater that would have crappy movies hosted by this guy in really cheap looking ghoul make-up sitting in front of a table. Sometimes he'd lean back too far and you could see he had jeans on. I liked Ned, he made fun of the movies and would laugh at his own stupid jokes and slam his hand on the table. Sometimes I wonder what the heck he's up to now.
Late at night there'd be all local commercials on which were pretty funny because they were so cheap and lame. There was one for something called The Lullaby Shop which was pretty creepy, especially the jingle. I can't remember the words anymore but it was sung by this really effeminate sounding little boy and I swear I heard it in my nightmares.
I also remember one for a women's underwear store called the Sassy Lassy. The narrator for this commercial was this really nerdy sounding guy with the unsexiest voice possible, I always wondered why they chose him to do that ad. I also wonder how long the place stayed open.
Sorry for more personal crap, I couldn't sleep and felt like writing whatever popped into my head.
It's not that I don't love you
I just don't see you enough
When we're three million miles away
Spending time is kinda tuff
But this is just to let you know
That I think of you a lot
When I count on my fingers
All the good things I have got
#2
I feel sick
But thats normal
But I wish there was a portal
That I could use to escape these pricks
That walk down the hall swinging their dicks around
But it's okay because I'm fine
Sitting locked up in my mind
And I can drift away
And I know that someday
I'll be living on my platform
In a solar dome in space
I'll feel better when I can escape
This dirt called the human race
#3
When I was a kid I used to stay up late on Saturday nights and watch MAD TV and MASH on Fox 11. Sometimes they'd show a bad movie like The Brain that Wouldn't Die or Carnival of Souls (which is actually a good movie in spite of itself). There used to be this show called Ned the Dead's Chiller Theater that would have crappy movies hosted by this guy in really cheap looking ghoul make-up sitting in front of a table. Sometimes he'd lean back too far and you could see he had jeans on. I liked Ned, he made fun of the movies and would laugh at his own stupid jokes and slam his hand on the table. Sometimes I wonder what the heck he's up to now.
Late at night there'd be all local commercials on which were pretty funny because they were so cheap and lame. There was one for something called The Lullaby Shop which was pretty creepy, especially the jingle. I can't remember the words anymore but it was sung by this really effeminate sounding little boy and I swear I heard it in my nightmares.
I also remember one for a women's underwear store called the Sassy Lassy. The narrator for this commercial was this really nerdy sounding guy with the unsexiest voice possible, I always wondered why they chose him to do that ad. I also wonder how long the place stayed open.
Sorry for more personal crap, I couldn't sleep and felt like writing whatever popped into my head.
Friday, June 19, 2009
NEW CYOF!
I deleted the last story and started a new one! I think I bit off more than I could chew last time so this one is going to be a bit simpler. My favorite of the Choose Your Own Adventure Books that I devoured when I was a kid took place in exotic locations like the Egyptian Desert, or some weird planet, or...a deep dark jungle. There was always such potential for weird crazy adventures when they were set in those places. So I picked a jungle this time. But you've got to get there first! Go now and vote! All of you! I know some of you are lurking out there, I can hear you breathing!
Update
I suppose I should include a link: Choose Your Own Fate
Update
I suppose I should include a link: Choose Your Own Fate
Thursday, June 18, 2009
And now for something completely horrifying...
Do not click this link!
You clicked it didn't you? I warned you!
I can't put my finger on it but there's something very wrong with that picture. I think it's the fact that his face doesn't match up with his body, like it was badly photoshopped on. And it's such an unmanly chinless face it's...it's just wrong.
To make you feel better here's a link to Sarah Peck's blog where you can watch her funny and creative student films.
I wish I had been into film when I was in high school, I didn't really get into it till I graduated and was actually earning money to rent movies with. I doubt I would have made anything that clever though, I was all angsty and filled notebooks with poems about girls that would never go out with me. Evil Dead II changed my outlook on life. After watching Bruce Campbell fight his own severed hand, get laughed at by a whole room of inanimate objects, and get showered with gushers of blood I realized the perfect girl for me would be the one that listed ED II as their favorite movie. I haven't found her yet and I doubt she exists but there's my criteria for my dream girl. She can be fat, skinny, blonde, pink haired, lazy eyed, whatever all she has to do is be willing to sit and watch trashy movies with me and I will love her forever....
Oh, hey! The Angry Video Game Nerd has a new video up! Imma go watch it right now! I've fallen way behind on my postings but I'm going to try and put one up every day. Do you guys like my stupid ramblings about personal crap or should I just cut that shit out and write more stories and poems?
Update!
One last thing before I log off my computer and watch 1940s screwball comedies. I found this video last night when I was looking for funny infomercials. (Although just about all of them make me laugh).
"I WIPE MAHSELF WITH A RAG ON A STICK!"
Is that not the most useless piece of junk ever? I can understand it being useful to people with definite medical problems but it's being marketed as an alternative to toilet paper which is ridiculous since the thing uses the very product its saying is old and disgusting! I think my favorite part is the old lady who subtly hints that she needs assistance wiping her butt. Or the fat guy who claims that being morbidly obese has it's advantages. Like what? I think not being able to wipe your own ass would effectively cancel out any positive gains that years of eating nothing but fast food would give you.
Now watch this remix and have a great night!
I love you Internet...
You clicked it didn't you? I warned you!
I can't put my finger on it but there's something very wrong with that picture. I think it's the fact that his face doesn't match up with his body, like it was badly photoshopped on. And it's such an unmanly chinless face it's...it's just wrong.
To make you feel better here's a link to Sarah Peck's blog where you can watch her funny and creative student films.
I wish I had been into film when I was in high school, I didn't really get into it till I graduated and was actually earning money to rent movies with. I doubt I would have made anything that clever though, I was all angsty and filled notebooks with poems about girls that would never go out with me. Evil Dead II changed my outlook on life. After watching Bruce Campbell fight his own severed hand, get laughed at by a whole room of inanimate objects, and get showered with gushers of blood I realized the perfect girl for me would be the one that listed ED II as their favorite movie. I haven't found her yet and I doubt she exists but there's my criteria for my dream girl. She can be fat, skinny, blonde, pink haired, lazy eyed, whatever all she has to do is be willing to sit and watch trashy movies with me and I will love her forever....
Oh, hey! The Angry Video Game Nerd has a new video up! Imma go watch it right now! I've fallen way behind on my postings but I'm going to try and put one up every day. Do you guys like my stupid ramblings about personal crap or should I just cut that shit out and write more stories and poems?
Update!
One last thing before I log off my computer and watch 1940s screwball comedies. I found this video last night when I was looking for funny infomercials. (Although just about all of them make me laugh).
"I WIPE MAHSELF WITH A RAG ON A STICK!"
Is that not the most useless piece of junk ever? I can understand it being useful to people with definite medical problems but it's being marketed as an alternative to toilet paper which is ridiculous since the thing uses the very product its saying is old and disgusting! I think my favorite part is the old lady who subtly hints that she needs assistance wiping her butt. Or the fat guy who claims that being morbidly obese has it's advantages. Like what? I think not being able to wipe your own ass would effectively cancel out any positive gains that years of eating nothing but fast food would give you.
Now watch this remix and have a great night!
I love you Internet...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wondeerfull WOrld of Diznee
All of these were stolen from: http://spum-blog.blogspot.com/2009/06/modern-disney-coloring-book-pages.html
Sorry Spumkin!
Sorry Spumkin!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sigh...
I finally gave in and got a Twitter account: http://twitter.com/Kurdtspeaks.
So now you get to experience the cutting wit of my jib every night, hooray!
So now you get to experience the cutting wit of my jib every night, hooray!
The Furry Mist
I took spumkin's idea to write about furries and Spitter's idea about the sky exploding, and this is what came out...
When the first explosions hit, knocking everyone in the convention hall down, I shit in my fur-suit. I'd eaten nothing but Taco Bell during the whole fur-convention week and the resultant mess ran down my legs into my fur-boots. Thus when everyone else ran outside to watch the sky split apart, I ran into the bathroom. From what I heard later it was quite a show, all weird colors and jaggedy lightening but I was too busy cleaning the shit off of me to care about anything else. I still wanted to get with that sexy fox-vixen I had been talking to before the first explosion hit. I didn't care if it was a guy or girl in there. For us furries, it's all about the fantasy. And I wanted to get laid by a giant fox. I put my wolf suit back on and ran out just in time for another explosion to send everyone running back inside. I ducked under a booth as three more explosions rocked the air, showering pieces of ceiling down. Then everything was quiet.
When I saw everyone else getting up I got up too and we all walked outside. The sky was a deep shade of pulsating neon purple and we stood, transfixed. And then it split open, and the mist came pouring down. I watched as my animal brethren were engulfed in it, one by one. Suddenly someone screamed and we all ran back inside as fast as we could. I sat down on the floor and took my wolf head off. Then I looked around and realized that no one else had, and put it back on. Despite all the weird things that had happened that day, I was still a Wolf goddammit! I spotted that sexy vixen again and was walking over when a guy in a cheap rabbit suit yelled and pointed at the glass door at the front of the hall. Something was moving around in the mist just outside the doors, pacing back and forth.
Suddenly it turned and smashed through the glass, a huge snarling tiger, now bloody from the glass...and wearing a convention button. We all screamed and started to run to the back rooms but the Tiger jumped on a cat-girl that had tripped on her own tail and proceed to tear her to shreds. The slimmest of us got in and locked the doors but we left the larger furs behind. We listened to them scream to be let in as they were mutilated, but it we all agreed that it was us or them. Then we all sat around and listened to the tiger try to break the door down. A hot looking squirrel spoke up.
"I'm bored. Lets find something to do."
"Well," I said, "lets do what furries always do in situations like this..."
"Yiff!" We all yelled. And yiff we did. Till the mist seeped under the door and turned a mouse and bear into real giant mouse and bears who then proceeded to tear each other apart. Then we decided it was best to find another place to hide out and have indiscriminate sex. We ran into the store room's meat locker. It didn't seem to make sense that there would be one there, but it was pretty lucky for us.
"So," said a male wolf, "Should we yiff first, or pig out on this frozen meat?"
"I'm a cow," said a cow, "I can't eat that."
"Alright then," said the wolf as he pulled out his human member, "lets do this thing!"
Three days later the power shut down and we ate as much meat as we could before it started to rot. A good portion of us got some bad ham though and got pretty sick, throwing up all over the place. Some of us thought that was pretty hot, but I had never been into that stuff. We were able to survive for about a month by eating the one's who died until it was just me and the other wolf.
"Alright, I think we should fight each other to the death." He said.
"Shouldn't we yiff one last time?" I proposed.
"I supposed we could...hey, whats that noise?"
Suddenly the door flew open and there stood...zombies? In superhero costumes? The wolf pushed me out the door and shut it behind him. The zombies stood looking at me.
"Wolf man?" Superman growled. "What kind of superhero is wolf man?"
"He not superhero." Growled Thor "He just furry. Stinky furry too. Me no like eat furries, me get bad stomach."
The other zombies agreed and shuffled away. I walked back into the convention hall. At least the mist was gone, but what kind of world was left in it's wake? I yearned for someone to Yiff with. Suddenly, across the street, I saw her in front of a grocery store: A giant cut out of Speedy Alka Seltzer. I had found my true love. We got married in a broken down church with a toilet serving as a minister. Later I would publish the memoirs of his amazing life after he died in a strange plumbing accident. The Life and Times of a Toilet became a best-seller in Zombie Superhero America and in human pork pie Europe. It was banned in Don Knotts clone Antarctica, however.
THE END
When the first explosions hit, knocking everyone in the convention hall down, I shit in my fur-suit. I'd eaten nothing but Taco Bell during the whole fur-convention week and the resultant mess ran down my legs into my fur-boots. Thus when everyone else ran outside to watch the sky split apart, I ran into the bathroom. From what I heard later it was quite a show, all weird colors and jaggedy lightening but I was too busy cleaning the shit off of me to care about anything else. I still wanted to get with that sexy fox-vixen I had been talking to before the first explosion hit. I didn't care if it was a guy or girl in there. For us furries, it's all about the fantasy. And I wanted to get laid by a giant fox. I put my wolf suit back on and ran out just in time for another explosion to send everyone running back inside. I ducked under a booth as three more explosions rocked the air, showering pieces of ceiling down. Then everything was quiet.
When I saw everyone else getting up I got up too and we all walked outside. The sky was a deep shade of pulsating neon purple and we stood, transfixed. And then it split open, and the mist came pouring down. I watched as my animal brethren were engulfed in it, one by one. Suddenly someone screamed and we all ran back inside as fast as we could. I sat down on the floor and took my wolf head off. Then I looked around and realized that no one else had, and put it back on. Despite all the weird things that had happened that day, I was still a Wolf goddammit! I spotted that sexy vixen again and was walking over when a guy in a cheap rabbit suit yelled and pointed at the glass door at the front of the hall. Something was moving around in the mist just outside the doors, pacing back and forth.
Suddenly it turned and smashed through the glass, a huge snarling tiger, now bloody from the glass...and wearing a convention button. We all screamed and started to run to the back rooms but the Tiger jumped on a cat-girl that had tripped on her own tail and proceed to tear her to shreds. The slimmest of us got in and locked the doors but we left the larger furs behind. We listened to them scream to be let in as they were mutilated, but it we all agreed that it was us or them. Then we all sat around and listened to the tiger try to break the door down. A hot looking squirrel spoke up.
"I'm bored. Lets find something to do."
"Well," I said, "lets do what furries always do in situations like this..."
"Yiff!" We all yelled. And yiff we did. Till the mist seeped under the door and turned a mouse and bear into real giant mouse and bears who then proceeded to tear each other apart. Then we decided it was best to find another place to hide out and have indiscriminate sex. We ran into the store room's meat locker. It didn't seem to make sense that there would be one there, but it was pretty lucky for us.
"So," said a male wolf, "Should we yiff first, or pig out on this frozen meat?"
"I'm a cow," said a cow, "I can't eat that."
"Alright then," said the wolf as he pulled out his human member, "lets do this thing!"
Three days later the power shut down and we ate as much meat as we could before it started to rot. A good portion of us got some bad ham though and got pretty sick, throwing up all over the place. Some of us thought that was pretty hot, but I had never been into that stuff. We were able to survive for about a month by eating the one's who died until it was just me and the other wolf.
"Alright, I think we should fight each other to the death." He said.
"Shouldn't we yiff one last time?" I proposed.
"I supposed we could...hey, whats that noise?"
Suddenly the door flew open and there stood...zombies? In superhero costumes? The wolf pushed me out the door and shut it behind him. The zombies stood looking at me.
"Wolf man?" Superman growled. "What kind of superhero is wolf man?"
"He not superhero." Growled Thor "He just furry. Stinky furry too. Me no like eat furries, me get bad stomach."
The other zombies agreed and shuffled away. I walked back into the convention hall. At least the mist was gone, but what kind of world was left in it's wake? I yearned for someone to Yiff with. Suddenly, across the street, I saw her in front of a grocery store: A giant cut out of Speedy Alka Seltzer. I had found my true love. We got married in a broken down church with a toilet serving as a minister. Later I would publish the memoirs of his amazing life after he died in a strange plumbing accident. The Life and Times of a Toilet became a best-seller in Zombie Superhero America and in human pork pie Europe. It was banned in Don Knotts clone Antarctica, however.
THE END
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