Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Furry Mist

I took spumkin's idea to write about furries and Spitter's idea about the sky exploding, and this is what came out...

When the first explosions hit, knocking everyone in the convention hall down, I shit in my fur-suit. I'd eaten nothing but Taco Bell during the whole fur-convention week and the resultant mess ran down my legs into my fur-boots. Thus when everyone else ran outside to watch the sky split apart, I ran into the bathroom. From what I heard later it was quite a show, all weird colors and jaggedy lightening but I was too busy cleaning the shit off of me to care about anything else. I still wanted to get with that sexy fox-vixen I had been talking to before the first explosion hit. I didn't care if it was a guy or girl in there. For us furries, it's all about the fantasy. And I wanted to get laid by a giant fox. I put my wolf suit back on and ran out just in time for another explosion to send everyone running back inside. I ducked under a booth as three more explosions rocked the air, showering pieces of ceiling down. Then everything was quiet.
When I saw everyone else getting up I got up too and we all walked outside. The sky was a deep shade of pulsating neon purple and we stood, transfixed. And then it split open, and the mist came pouring down. I watched as my animal brethren were engulfed in it, one by one. Suddenly someone screamed and we all ran back inside as fast as we could. I sat down on the floor and took my wolf head off. Then I looked around and realized that no one else had, and put it back on. Despite all the weird things that had happened that day, I was still a Wolf goddammit! I spotted that sexy vixen again and was walking over when a guy in a cheap rabbit suit yelled and pointed at the glass door at the front of the hall. Something was moving around in the mist just outside the doors, pacing back and forth.
Suddenly it turned and smashed through the glass, a huge snarling tiger, now bloody from the glass...and wearing a convention button. We all screamed and started to run to the back rooms but the Tiger jumped on a cat-girl that had tripped on her own tail and proceed to tear her to shreds. The slimmest of us got in and locked the doors but we left the larger furs behind. We listened to them scream to be let in as they were mutilated, but it we all agreed that it was us or them. Then we all sat around and listened to the tiger try to break the door down. A hot looking squirrel spoke up.
"I'm bored. Lets find something to do."
"Well," I said, "lets do what furries always do in situations like this..."
"Yiff!" We all yelled. And yiff we did. Till the mist seeped under the door and turned a mouse and bear into real giant mouse and bears who then proceeded to tear each other apart. Then we decided it was best to find another place to hide out and have indiscriminate sex. We ran into the store room's meat locker. It didn't seem to make sense that there would be one there, but it was pretty lucky for us.
"So," said a male wolf, "Should we yiff first, or pig out on this frozen meat?"
"I'm a cow," said a cow, "I can't eat that."
"Alright then," said the wolf as he pulled out his human member, "lets do this thing!"
Three days later the power shut down and we ate as much meat as we could before it started to rot. A good portion of us got some bad ham though and got pretty sick, throwing up all over the place. Some of us thought that was pretty hot, but I had never been into that stuff. We were able to survive for about a month by eating the one's who died until it was just me and the other wolf.
"Alright, I think we should fight each other to the death." He said.
"Shouldn't we yiff one last time?" I proposed.
"I supposed we could...hey, whats that noise?"
Suddenly the door flew open and there stood...zombies? In superhero costumes? The wolf pushed me out the door and shut it behind him. The zombies stood looking at me.
"Wolf man?" Superman growled. "What kind of superhero is wolf man?"
"He not superhero." Growled Thor "He just furry. Stinky furry too. Me no like eat furries, me get bad stomach."
The other zombies agreed and shuffled away. I walked back into the convention hall. At least the mist was gone, but what kind of world was left in it's wake? I yearned for someone to Yiff with. Suddenly, across the street, I saw her in front of a grocery store: A giant cut out of Speedy Alka Seltzer. I had found my true love. We got married in a broken down church with a toilet serving as a minister. Later I would publish the memoirs of his amazing life after he died in a strange plumbing accident. The Life and Times of a Toilet became a best-seller in Zombie Superhero America and in human pork pie Europe. It was banned in Don Knotts clone Antarctica, however.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Don Knotts-clone-Antarctica"?

For a story filled with evil transforming mists, erotically disgusting furry yiffing, and a toilet preacher, this part scared the shit out of me.

Because...it could happen.