Dancing on a Pinhead (Part One)

I'll post the second part of this tomorrow if anyone cares...

The Bleeding Hog inn was a dirty run down place. The second you walked in you were assaulted by the stench of stale beer, dirt, and whore perfume. There was always people there though, due to the beer and the whores both being very cheap.
The thing I remember most about that night, other than what I’m about to tell you, was how cold it was outside. Your breath nearly froze in the air, and the wind jabbed any part of you that wasn’t covered up with sharp little needles. Winter was hard for me. No one was really out and about that didn’t need to be and people probably thought I was nuts, but I had to earn a living. The only way I knew how, warm or cold, rain or snow.
I had made enough for a few scraps of food and a beer though. Better than I made on some days, especially during the winter.
Old Carlson was the bartender, a fat man with face full of jowls that shook when he spoke.
“You know the drill Sam, all we got is beer, money up front. Drink it and throw some more money down, or get the Hell out.”
He always looked annoyed, like you were bothering him by giving him business.
“You got beef on the stove tonight?” I asked
“Yeah, but it’s yesterday’s, and It’s cold.”
“I’ll take that and a mug of beer.”
“Five ginns.”
I just barley had enough. The cold beef was gone before I knew it, and I was still hungry. I sighed. If I wanted to hang myself I wouldn’t have the cash to buy a rope…
As I sipped my beer, I surveyed the tavern. Like on most nights, it was full of old men drinking to forget the horrible jobs they trudged too and from everyday, bums like me who had scrounged up a few ginns and were drinking their beers slowly to avoid having to go back out into the cold, and whores in the employ of Old Carlson. The place in general was pretty depressing, but the whores were the worst. All of them were long past their primes, trying to smile as they sat on some old man’s lap and fondled his balls. There was a rumor that Carlson paid them in nothing but room and board, the nasty flea pits you could visit if you had enough cash. Even when I had money, I hadn’t. If I needed to fuck something that bad, I’d find a knothole and grease it up. At least that wouldn’t give me the clap.
There was a new girl there that night. To my surprise, she was young. Not just young, but good looking. Not just good looking, but shockingly good looking. I watched as an old man pulled her down to his lap. They were all the way on the other side of the room and I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I saw money exchanged. I sighed again. It was something different, but not by much. Some old inn, same old town. I turned back to my beer.
The scream that came almost the instant I turned my back was high pitched and womanly and I was shocked to find that it had come from a man. The old man that had grabbed the young whore, to be exact. He was on the floor holding his nose as blood spurted from between his fingers. From the direction he then turned, it was obvious that the girl had done it.
When he took his hands away to retaliate, I gasped. Even from where I was, in the dim gaslight of the Inn, I could see that his nose was completely ruined.
“YOU FUCKING WHORE! LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU FUCKING WHORE!”
All of this happened in a very short time, too short for Old Carlson, who was at the tap filling a glass to react. But now he ran as fast as he could to where the altercation was taking place. The rest of the drunks in the tavern had gathered round and he pushed through them like they were nothing. Old man must have been stronger than anyone thought. I grabbed my beer and stood outside the circle.
“WHAT DID I TELL YOU YESTERDAY?” Old Carlson yelled, his jowls quivering in time to his words.
“He…” The girl started.
“HE DID WHAT?”
“He…he put his finger in my…”
“HE HAS A RIGHT DOESN’T HE? HE’S A PAYING CUSTOMER!”
“He didn’t pay enough yet to do that!”
Old Carlson’s face was beat red and he was breathing hard. He looked like he was going to explode and splatter the room with blood and fat. I had never seen him hit one of his girls, but I thought that tonight, we just might get an even better show. But then he calmed down. Or rather, he shoved his boiling rage down into his fat stomach.
“I want you,” He said in a low whisper. “I want you out of here. And if you ever come back, if I ever see your face again, I’ll kill you. NOW GET OUT!”
The girl didn’t say a word, just walked out and the bar patrons went back to their drinks. I just stood for awhile, staring at the spot where the girl had been. Old Carlson got real close to my face, his breath smelled like onions.
“You gonna buy another drink?”
I looked down at my glass. I had spilled it all out onto the floor and hadn’t even noticed.
“I…I guess not.” I muttered.
“Then get the fuck outta here before I throw you out.”
I set my glass down on a table and left in a hurry.


The girl was standing outside the pub, with her arms crossed over her chest. Even though I hadn’t cared much before, now I instantly felt sorry for her. Like I said before, it was below freezing out and she was wearing nothing but her skimpy whore’s outfit and she was already shivering.
“Hi,” I started. “You, uh, got a place to stay tonight?”
She turned to look at me with a motion that was so swift that I took a step back. Her eyes, god her eyes! Even in the dim light from the bar, their piercing green was so intense that I could have sworn that she was looking right through me. When she spoke her voice was sharp.
“You think you’ll get to fuck me is that it? That’s all I am right? A stupid fucking whore that got kicked out of the worst pub in town, so I’m easy pickings right? Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me.”
I started. “No no no, that wasn’t it at all! You just…you just looked cold is all.”
Her face softened and she sighed. “I really don’t have anywhere else to go. Old Carlson…”
“Yeah I know, everyone in town does. I have a separate room you can use. It’s small and not very warm, but at least you won’t have to sleep out in this.”
As if to punctuate my words the wind gave a howl that blew her red hair around her face and she shivered again.
“Okay, but no funny stuff! You saw what happened to that prick in there right? I’m not some weak…”
“Alright, I swear, I’ll keep my hands off.” I put my hands up like someone had pointed a gun at me. She smiled and my heart flopped into my stomach. As we walked the short way to my flat, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Something about this didn’t seem right…

Christmas Song

There's a man with a shotgun
In the apartment next door
You don't have to see his face
To know what he's in for
When he it puts it up under his chin
And then falls to the floor
I can't take this Christmas
Anymore

Little Anna knows for sure
That Santa won't come this year
Daddy spent all of their cash
On cigarettes and beer
But if mommy would only come home
It would make her whole year
And so she spends the entire night
Staring at the door
I can't take this Christmas
Anymore

Your home is warm
You have food for all
No one will starve tonight
The wind blows hard at your window pane
On this holiest of nights
You don't think of those
Out in the cold
For them it's just another day
And if they came begging for some food
You'd send them all away
So I sit and I wonder
What is this all for?
And I can't take this Christmas
Anymore

All Year Round

Halloween is finally here
It's been so long
I wait all year
So stick your Christmas in your ear
I'm going from door to door

I work real hard
To scare those guys
Ignoring all the Christmas lies
The air is full of joyful sounds
As I make my frightful rounds

The air is cold it bites my nose
As I go tramping through the snow
The wind is tearing at my clothes
As I go from door to door

How I wish that you could see
The looks that they give to me
When I ask for Trick or Treat
But they ain't getting rid of me
Till I get what I deserve

My bag is full of candy canes
I'll admit it's kind of lame
Everything else is too stale to eat
But it matters not to me

Just because Halloween's done
Isn't going to ruin my fun
You can have your Christmas tree
Your tinsel and your lights

Give me a crypt that's dark and damp
My werewolves and my living dead
Kids with chainsaws in their heads
Underneath the pale moonlight

While you hear reindeer on your roof
I'm dancing to some eerie tune
With ghosts and goblins in my room
My girlfriend has no head

Santa may be coming for you
But I don't care what you do
Just follow that piper's merry tune
Down the path that you've been lead

And when you finally come around
Lets go marching through the town
And we'll have Halloween all year round
Lets run Christmas into the ground
Long live the living dead!

Kelly's Story

Depression rips the guts out of you. It steals away your insides along with your will to do anything but sit and stare at it's ugly face. It's a selfish monster and it wants you all to itself. Kelly thought it was good that she was alone. Even if she had had someone over, someone to talk to, it wouldn't have made it any better. That person would either get bored with her rambling on about how empty she felt, or they'd pity her. Either one would have just made things worse.
Not that she had anyone to talk to anyways, not since she had last her job two weeks ago. Not that she had been real good friends with anyone at work anyways, but at least it was some sort of social contact...
The wind howled outside, blowing the fine grained snow around like clouds of dust during a desert sandstorm. Kelly wrapped her thick quilt tighter around herself. She thought about how her even though this shithole apartment wasn't very warm, at least it was something. In another month she might not have the luxury of mild warmth, when her savings ran out. She didn't even have a car....
She settled further down in her recliner and tried to sleep, but it was going to be a long time coming. Her head was pounding, and every time she swallowed, her ears plugged up and she had to sit up and swallow again to clear them. She thought about how she should have gone to the doctor when she started feeling sick last week. No money for that though. Plus she'd have to shower, wash the grease out of her hair, change out of the pajamas she'd been wearing for 4 days straight, and then walk out into the cold until she found a taxi....
That all took effort, effort she didn't want to expend. No, it was better to just sit her with her old friend depression. To let it whisper in her ear, giving her the comforting feeling of being sad and pathetic....
In the dark of the apartment, the TV was a small box of light, sort of comforting in a way. Inside the box an old man was walking around a stage in front of a crowd of people. He was talking about Jesus. Jesus needed money. He held up various objects that you could buy if you wanted Jesus to love you. Porcelain angels, thin looking books of hymns, thrift store prayer beads. The old man's wrinkly face was warm and kind, but his eyes were cold and calculating. Kelly wondered what drove people to send men like this money, to buy into their scams. Probably people lonelier and more pathetic than her. Was that possible?
As the old man led the crowd of people in singing a gospel style version of "Jesus Loves Me" Kelly drifted off to sleep...

Mrs. Ellis was teaching math. That was all Mrs. Ellis taught to Kelly's group. They went down the hall to Mr. Brownstone to learn English and history, and down to the other end to Ms. Bagland to learn science. What year was this? Kelly shifted in her desk and looked at the brown haired boy sitting next to her. She didn't recognize him at all. Mrs. Ellis's voice was an unintelligible drone at the front of the classroom. The boy leaned in close to her and whispered. Kelly noticed with disgust that his teeth were several shades of yellowish brown.
"Death is the way to the seventh planet. The key is on the back of the hallway door...."
With a shock she suddenly realized who the kid was. Ralph Baio. He had fallen off the monkey bars and landed on his head in...6th grade. This was 6th grade, 1996.
And just like that, he was gone. His desk was covered with dark red blood.
Suddenly Kelly was very frightened. This was wrong, this was all wrong...
And suddenly she was on the swing-set in the school yard, the one that they taken down a the year she had started 8th grade, the year they had gotten all new playground equipment. Safer. The older stuff was all rusting metal...
The playground was empty and the sky was slate grey. A soft breeze was blowing and Kelly was sure that if this was reality and not just a dream, she would feel a little chilled.
The girl sitting on the swing next to her was very fat. So fat, in fact that the rubber seat under her looked like it would break at any moment. Kelly recognized her right away. Marie Douvant. Her parents had been very rich and no one in class had liked her much because she was very snotty. She had had a few friends though, ones that didn't mind her constantly bossing them around...
What had happened to her? Kelly hadn't thought of her in years. Moved away after sixth grade? No, that couldn't have been right. She had been around that first year of 7th grade. Even made it into the year book. Where had she gone after that?
Kelly wanted to ask her but, the girl looked so sad. She sat, her eyes closed, head bowed, looking at her expensive, but now very out of style shoes.
Finally after what seemed like forever, she spoke.
"It wasn't my fault." Kelly could just barley make out what she was saying, her voice was a low mumble, "When they took out, it looked so sad. It was so tiny and small and helpless. But it wasn't my fault. I didn't want it there in the first place...."
And then there was darkness, absolute, suffocating. And then there was the softer darkness of the apartment. The TV with a woman on it now, her make-up heavy and thick, almost clown-like. And the wind outside, howling to itself, screaming of pain that only it knew.
Kelly was crying, softly sobbing to herself, tears running down her cheeks. She hadn't cried for a long time. And she couldn't even remember why she was crying now...

And...Back

I finally decided to get back into Blogging again. Not sure what's going to wind up here, this thing was always weird mess, based on whatever I felt like posting, so I guess I'll continue in that vein. I hope you 16 subscribers like it. And again, I ask: "Where did you all come from?" Are you all spam-bots? Would you tune in on a regular basis if I started posting everyday? I seriously want to know!

Tonight I felt like posting a song list. I love making my own mix lists. Usually I try to think of what I would play if I had my own radio station, so it's a bit of escapist fantasy for me too, as well a result of my general love of sharing music. Hope you guys like it! (All 16 of you!)

1. Frank Black - I Could Stay Here Forever
2. Mono Puff - Devil Went Down to Newport (Totally Rockin')
3. Harry Nilsson - Put the Lime in the Coconut (Thanks to my buddy Justin for reminding me about this one!)
4. The Ramones - Here Today, Gone Tommorow
5. The Chips - Rubber Biscuit
6. The Blues Brothers - Rubber Biscuit (Live)
7. Mindless Self Indulgence - Faggot
8. Tiny Tim (With Brave Combo) - Girl
9. Tiny Tim - Santa Claus has got the AIDS (Best fucking Christmas song ever!)
10. Kate Micucci - Mr. Moon
11. Pop-o-Pies - Fascists Eat Donuts
12. Kool Moe Dee - Monster Crack
13. ???????????????????????
Peace, love, and rat poison to you all!

Hello Everyone!

Hello to all my new followers! Where did you guys come from? I'm glad you're here though, I'll try and post more!

Ballad of Bitter Henry

A Parody of Eef Barzelay's Ballad Of Bitter Honey

That was me mopping up that pile of puke
Of some snotty little kid
You only saw me for a couple seconds
But I'm kinda hard to miss
And all the other facualty members
They all look down on me
Just because I have to kneel down
And wipe up their old stale pee

My father drank and beat my ass
Till he died and so to Ohio, I did make my way
I tried to finish my GED, I really wanted to, you see
But all those big words and multiplication tables
Well they really got to me

And all the kids think I’m stupid
I can see it when they look at me
But I know what they'll become
Their future's are clear to see
I was once in their shoes
It's not so far to fall
Someday one of them, will have to clean this hall

And if I push these piles of dirt together
And wax the tiles just so
I can buy pornography
And wood for my winter stove
Everyone should have a clean school
And a sterile place to learn
Don’t hate me 'cuz I want them all to fucking burn
Don’t hate me 'cuz I want them all to fucking burn