Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Alone and Drowning

The lady at the end of the bar buys you a drink
You take it and sit down next to her
She's pretty plain looking but not ugly
A few beers will take care of that
You swig your poison and make meaningless small talk
Both of you waiting for the alcohol
Even in the dim light of the dingy downtown bar
You can see that she has very pretty eyes
The green of her irises remind you of a dress your older sister had
Back when you were a kid
You don't tell her this, of course
She tells you her name is Deidre
And that she works for a small publishing company
Proofreading manuscripts all day
You're pretty sure she's lying
Though you can't explain how you know that
You tell her some things about yourself
That are partially lies
She seems to buy them
Not that it matters much anyways
And then a slow song comes on the jukebox
And you both get up to dance
You spin clumsily around
You trying to lead
But her usually taking over
And as you spin you look at the other couples
Who've made some small human connection tonight
And none of them have eyes
And they're all grinning
Wide with sharp teeth in their mouths
Like they want to eat you and are just waiting for the chance
And then you're fucking Deidre in a hotel room
Or Luann
Or whatever her name was
Sliding in and out of her
Even though you can't feel it
You can't feel anything
She's lying there staring up at you
Motionless
And suddenly you're in a hospital waiting room
Fucking a large doll with button eyes
And it's mouth stitched shut
With x's
Like when a cartoon character dies
There's people all around you
Sitting not noticing what you're doing
And then it all fades away and you're underwater
Reaching for the light above you
Your hands trying to reach the unreachable
You're alone and drowning
Your lungs burning with stale air
You'd better hope this is all a dream
Hell might not be as hot as people say it is.

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