The first thing on the handout was "Summarize what the article says about Hitler." Easy shit. Or it would have been if we didn't have to finish the handout in groups.
"Hitler was cool!"
"Shut the fuck up Danny!"
Ms. Richards always put us in groups and I always got stuck with the worst kids in class.
"I can say what I want, it's a free country!"
"Not if I knock your teeth out it's not!"
Danny was an idiot. Actually, they were both idiots, but at least Danny wasn't a bully like Matt was.
"How about you both shut up so we can finish this crap?" That was Vicky, snotty head cheerleader. Dating the captain of the football team. Also annoying and stupid.
"I don't give a shit, I'm failing this anyways." Matt said and snapped his pencil in half.
"Yeah, me too!"
"Danny, what did I tell you about talking?"
"Yeah, well I can't fail this class like you two morons. You know what? I'm just going to write my own answers in." Vicky said and ran her fingers through her long blond hair in frustration.
I had heard some pretty dirty stories about Vicky's after school activities. Apparently she was pretty fond of alcohol. And sex not condoned by the church. It's funny because she acted so uptight and prissy normally. She was always wearing tight sweaters though.
I piped in. "We all have to have the same answers. I've already got them written down, just copy mine."
"What if your's are wrong? I can't fail this class..." Vicky leaned over and her breasts pushed against the desk's edge. And image popped into my head of her sweaty and naked body, writhing on the floor. I wondered what color her nipples were. I pushed the thought and pulled my eyes away.
"They're not and we're not going to get this paper done any other way." I threw my handout onto the middle of the table and everyone wrote my answers done except for Danny.
"Huh huh, this ad is for hot pizza. Huh huh."
"Danny, I swear to god, one more word..." Matt clenched his fist and stuck it under Danny's nose.
Danny looked like he was going to shit himself.
"Why's that funny?" Vicky asked in genuine befuddlement.
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. I looked over at my girlfriend Carol, on the other side of the room. It looked like her group was done too. I wondered if they had done the same thing we had.
Ronnie Belson was staring at her chest and she was pretending not to notice. If I was over there I certainly would have said something. She looked over at me, smiled, and gave a small wave. I smiled back. Then she turned and said something to Mellisa, sitting across from her. I looked away. It was the last time I would see her alive.
Scanning around the room, my eyes settled on Ms. Richards, sitting at her desk, reading a book, most likely a romance novel. That was the real reason she had us split into groups, it ate up class time and she didn't have to do anything.
I sighed again and turned to look out the window. The sky had been gray since I had gotten up that morning and it kept getting darker as the day went on. It hadn't rained yet, but it felt like it should. It was hot and humid almost to the point where it would become unbearable. It certainly didn't make Matt or Danny smell any better. Heat lightening flashed on and off in the sky. No one else seemed to be looking at it. It was beautiful and eerie, lightening with no thunder, something I had only experienced a few times before.
I turned back and looked at the group again. All three of them were quiet. Danny was scribbling aimlessly in his notebook, Matt was stabbing holes in his textbook, and Vicky was messing with her cellphone. Probably texting one of her friends in another class. The whole class was quiet and for a second it seemed like time had stopped completely.
And then it hit.
The first thing that happened was that it started to rain. Not sprinkling rain either, just a sudden violent downpour. Ms. Robinson had the windows open to help keep the room a bit cooler and she threw her book down and ran to shut them. Then the thunder hit, booming so loud that it shook the room. Ms. Robinson's stepped back from the window for a second, almost in shock. And then they came in through the open window.
I say they, because I still have no idea what they are. Unless you focus on them very hard, you can't see them. From what I've been able to tell, they look like giant wasps with very long stingers. We weren't focusing on them of course, so all we saw was Ms. Robinson suddenly start bleeding as holes appeared all over her body. She stood for a second, shock covering her face. Then she fell, a pool of blood forming around her body.
Then every one started screaming.
Vicky shrieked and a hole appeared in her forehead. Danny and Matt were already slumped over their desks, dead. I dove under my mine and covered my head with my hands. Thunder boomed again, louder than before and the lights went out. I heard the door open and people running out. I don't know how many made it. I know Carol didn't. I found her by the janitor's closet later, her hand on the knob.
It seemed like I laid there forever, the thunder booming, the ceaseless rain pouring in the window. I could hear screaming from down the hallway and I clamped my hands over my ears. I could still hear it. I still can. It seemed like forever, but then everything was finally silent.
The sky was still gray and the heat lightening flashed on and off again when I stood up, my clothes soaked in blood that had pooled on the floor. The lights never came back on. Dead bodies were everywhere, riddled full of holes. People I had known most of my life. People I hated. People I loved.
But of course that wasn't the end. The nightmare was just beginning...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Pointless Personal Stories
When I was eight a rock fell on my head. I don't think it was very big, but my little eight year old self had trouble picking it up later. My mom had put it on top of a post to keep the clothes-line up. I must have been angry about having to take them down or something because I was pulling the clothes off the line instead of just unpinning them. Maybe I was just being lazy. In any case, all I remember is something hitting me, my vision turning an angry red, and then I was on the ground crying. It didn't crack my skull open or anything and I don't remember having to go to the hospital to get stitches either. But damn did that hurt.
I can't remember what age I was when I stepped bare-footed on a cap nail. A cap nail is normally used for insulation and has a plastic (or metal) piece on the end so you can pull it out without having to tear the shit out of what's keeping your house warm. Our house was in a constant state of repair, so there was probably more than one lying around. It was really stupid of me to walk around barefoot. If you've never seen a cap nail before, this is what I stepped on while I was lurking around outside the house with a super-soaker, trying to find my brother:
Except the one that got lodged in my foot was a lot longer. And rustier.
It didn't go all the way through my foot but it got about halfway in, enough to hurt like a son of a bitch as I crawled into the house screaming.
My grandma came over and pulled it out while I screamed over the pencil I was biting down on.
I had to get a tetanus shot some time later. I don't remember getting the shot but I remember going to see the live action Flintstones movie after. I don't remember if I enjoyed it or not. At that age I think I pretty much just accepted whatever was on the screen as quality film. The only movie I ever remember not liking was Kazaam. That horrid excuse for entertainment is an abomination that even the brain damaged would hate.
When I was twelve my best friend hit me in the face with a snow shovel. Again, it was my own damn fault. We were trying to build a fort and I got too close behind him as he brought the shovel back and he gashed my upper lip pretty good. It didn't go all the way through but it was enough to send me into crying hysterics as blood ran down my face.
I remember getting the stitches for it pretty clearly, especially since it was the only time I ever had to get them. I remember the long needle they put in my lip to numb the pain. I remember how weird it felt as they stitched it up, because it didn't hurt like it should have. When I don't have a mustache, you can still see the scar pretty clearly.
When I was 19 I got pinkeye. I got pinkeye worse than I've ever had in my life. I was downtown somewhere with a couple of my friends and we were digging through junk in a pawnshop. I got R.E.M.'s Green album for about two bucks. On the car ride home my eyes started to itch. Then they started to itch really badly. I started to rub my eyes, which is a bad idea. I stuck my head out the window which helped a little bit, but not much.
The next morning my eyes were a gunky mess. And the itching drove me insane. All I could do was curl my hands up in front of my face and yell in frustration because I couldn't itch them or I'd make it worse.
I remember sitting in front of the tiny TV I had in my room, watching West Side Story through the layer of gunk that kept forming. Then I did another stupid thing. I went into the bathroom, filled the sink with water, and submerged my face. Stupid. I'm surprised my whole family didn't get diseased. It did feel good though.
Then it started to go away.
Then my corneas got scratched.
Both of them.
If you've never had a scratched cornea, just pray it never ever happens. It's one of the most irritating things ever. Every time you blink you can feel it, this stinging pain, till you want to claw your eyes out.
I have no idea how my eyes got so bad. It had to have been from the pinkeye, but the doctors I went to had no idea how it could have happened. My left eye was so scratched that it wore away the inner lining of my eyelid. The eye doctor acted like he had never seen anything like it before.
I don't remember how long it lasted, but it felt like forever. I couldn't see because both my eyes were gauzed shut. And it hurt, oh god did it hurt. Most of the time I was hopped up on painkillers and when I wasn't I was miserable and sick. It was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me and it came out of nowhere and left scar tissue on my eyeballs. It certainly didn't make my horrible vision any better.
I still love that album though. I've listened to it more times than I can count.
When I was 14 I had my first kiss. It was from a cute, sort of chubby girl with short blonde hair. I didn't see her again till a few summers after. She had gained a massive amount of weight and was so annoying that I couldn't stand to be around her at all. I wish I knew what she was doing now. I feel bad that I acted like nothing had ever happened between us. I just want to apologize for being a stupid kid.
When I was born I peed in the doctor's face. True story.
I can't remember what age I was when I stepped bare-footed on a cap nail. A cap nail is normally used for insulation and has a plastic (or metal) piece on the end so you can pull it out without having to tear the shit out of what's keeping your house warm. Our house was in a constant state of repair, so there was probably more than one lying around. It was really stupid of me to walk around barefoot. If you've never seen a cap nail before, this is what I stepped on while I was lurking around outside the house with a super-soaker, trying to find my brother:
Except the one that got lodged in my foot was a lot longer. And rustier.
It didn't go all the way through my foot but it got about halfway in, enough to hurt like a son of a bitch as I crawled into the house screaming.
My grandma came over and pulled it out while I screamed over the pencil I was biting down on.
I had to get a tetanus shot some time later. I don't remember getting the shot but I remember going to see the live action Flintstones movie after. I don't remember if I enjoyed it or not. At that age I think I pretty much just accepted whatever was on the screen as quality film. The only movie I ever remember not liking was Kazaam. That horrid excuse for entertainment is an abomination that even the brain damaged would hate.
When I was twelve my best friend hit me in the face with a snow shovel. Again, it was my own damn fault. We were trying to build a fort and I got too close behind him as he brought the shovel back and he gashed my upper lip pretty good. It didn't go all the way through but it was enough to send me into crying hysterics as blood ran down my face.
I remember getting the stitches for it pretty clearly, especially since it was the only time I ever had to get them. I remember the long needle they put in my lip to numb the pain. I remember how weird it felt as they stitched it up, because it didn't hurt like it should have. When I don't have a mustache, you can still see the scar pretty clearly.
When I was 19 I got pinkeye. I got pinkeye worse than I've ever had in my life. I was downtown somewhere with a couple of my friends and we were digging through junk in a pawnshop. I got R.E.M.'s Green album for about two bucks. On the car ride home my eyes started to itch. Then they started to itch really badly. I started to rub my eyes, which is a bad idea. I stuck my head out the window which helped a little bit, but not much.
The next morning my eyes were a gunky mess. And the itching drove me insane. All I could do was curl my hands up in front of my face and yell in frustration because I couldn't itch them or I'd make it worse.
I remember sitting in front of the tiny TV I had in my room, watching West Side Story through the layer of gunk that kept forming. Then I did another stupid thing. I went into the bathroom, filled the sink with water, and submerged my face. Stupid. I'm surprised my whole family didn't get diseased. It did feel good though.
Then it started to go away.
Then my corneas got scratched.
Both of them.
If you've never had a scratched cornea, just pray it never ever happens. It's one of the most irritating things ever. Every time you blink you can feel it, this stinging pain, till you want to claw your eyes out.
I have no idea how my eyes got so bad. It had to have been from the pinkeye, but the doctors I went to had no idea how it could have happened. My left eye was so scratched that it wore away the inner lining of my eyelid. The eye doctor acted like he had never seen anything like it before.
I don't remember how long it lasted, but it felt like forever. I couldn't see because both my eyes were gauzed shut. And it hurt, oh god did it hurt. Most of the time I was hopped up on painkillers and when I wasn't I was miserable and sick. It was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me and it came out of nowhere and left scar tissue on my eyeballs. It certainly didn't make my horrible vision any better.
I still love that album though. I've listened to it more times than I can count.
When I was 14 I had my first kiss. It was from a cute, sort of chubby girl with short blonde hair. I didn't see her again till a few summers after. She had gained a massive amount of weight and was so annoying that I couldn't stand to be around her at all. I wish I knew what she was doing now. I feel bad that I acted like nothing had ever happened between us. I just want to apologize for being a stupid kid.
When I was born I peed in the doctor's face. True story.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Frankenstein (1910)
Someone uploaded a full version of Edison Lab's 1910 version of Frankenstein to Youtube:
Some interesting things about this film:
1. It was the first film version of the Frankenstein story.
2. None of the actors were originally credited because the role of the actor wasn't considered important back then. Neither was anyone else involved in production. But Edison made damn sure his name was on it, despite having nothing to do with it's creation. (Typical Edison)
3. It took 3 days to film and lasted over ten minuets when most movies were only two or three.
4. It was long thought to be lost until a full copy (complete with tints!) turned up in the 1970s in the hands of a collector. The guy had bought it in the 50s and had no idea how rare it was.
5. Bela Lugosi was originally cast as the monster in the 1931 version but was replaced by Boris Karloff after several awful makeup tests. Surviving pictures show that he was made up to look like the monster from this version. Lugosi would later play the part in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.
Some thoughts on the film:
1. The monster being created by chemicals and wizard potions is a bit odd. I suppose being able to create fake body parts would be a few years down the road. Everyone knows that wizards are the answer to everything anyways.
2. Neat early special effects! All they did was set a dummy on fire and ran the film backwards but it still looks pretty cool.
3. I really like the way they set the mirror up you could see who was coming in the room. It's a nice way to get around the limitations of having a static one camera set-up.
4. A couple going to bed on their wedding night? Possibly implied rape? The Hay's Office wouldn't have had any of that!
5. More neat mirror effects with the monster vanishing while his reflection stays put.
6. And the first Frankenstein monster on film is defeated by...love? Possibly. Or it could just be that he never existed in the first place. Here's what Wikipedia says (from the Edison Kinetogram):
"When Frankenstein's love for his bride shall have attained full strength and freedom from impurity it will have such an effect upon his mind that the monster cannot exist."
So he was destroyed by love. But does that also mean that the monster was all in it's creator's mind? I think the monster is supposed to be the bad part of Frankenstein's nature. Sort of Jeckel and Hyde-ish. What do you guys think?
Final thoughts:
I'm really glad that a copy of this still exists and that anyone that wants to can watch and study it.
Do you think people at the time were frightened by the creature? I'm guessing they must have been since they probably hadn't seen much like it yet in the moving picture world. 100 year old nightmare fuel for the win!
Horror films wouldn't start to get really good until the German Expressionist films of the 1920s, but this is a fascinating look at the ground work for everything that would come after.
Now if only a copy of The Werewolf from 1913 still existed...check your grandparent's attics and barns!
Some interesting things about this film:
1. It was the first film version of the Frankenstein story.
2. None of the actors were originally credited because the role of the actor wasn't considered important back then. Neither was anyone else involved in production. But Edison made damn sure his name was on it, despite having nothing to do with it's creation. (Typical Edison)
3. It took 3 days to film and lasted over ten minuets when most movies were only two or three.
4. It was long thought to be lost until a full copy (complete with tints!) turned up in the 1970s in the hands of a collector. The guy had bought it in the 50s and had no idea how rare it was.
5. Bela Lugosi was originally cast as the monster in the 1931 version but was replaced by Boris Karloff after several awful makeup tests. Surviving pictures show that he was made up to look like the monster from this version. Lugosi would later play the part in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.
Some thoughts on the film:
1. The monster being created by chemicals and wizard potions is a bit odd. I suppose being able to create fake body parts would be a few years down the road. Everyone knows that wizards are the answer to everything anyways.
2. Neat early special effects! All they did was set a dummy on fire and ran the film backwards but it still looks pretty cool.
3. I really like the way they set the mirror up you could see who was coming in the room. It's a nice way to get around the limitations of having a static one camera set-up.
4. A couple going to bed on their wedding night? Possibly implied rape? The Hay's Office wouldn't have had any of that!
5. More neat mirror effects with the monster vanishing while his reflection stays put.
6. And the first Frankenstein monster on film is defeated by...love? Possibly. Or it could just be that he never existed in the first place. Here's what Wikipedia says (from the Edison Kinetogram):
"When Frankenstein's love for his bride shall have attained full strength and freedom from impurity it will have such an effect upon his mind that the monster cannot exist."
So he was destroyed by love. But does that also mean that the monster was all in it's creator's mind? I think the monster is supposed to be the bad part of Frankenstein's nature. Sort of Jeckel and Hyde-ish. What do you guys think?
Final thoughts:
I'm really glad that a copy of this still exists and that anyone that wants to can watch and study it.
Do you think people at the time were frightened by the creature? I'm guessing they must have been since they probably hadn't seen much like it yet in the moving picture world. 100 year old nightmare fuel for the win!
Horror films wouldn't start to get really good until the German Expressionist films of the 1920s, but this is a fascinating look at the ground work for everything that would come after.
Now if only a copy of The Werewolf from 1913 still existed...check your grandparent's attics and barns!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Stop Having Boring Tuna, Stop Having a Boring Life
I've heard it said that the worst crime a piece of art can commit is being boring. Art is supposed to elicit a reaction, good or bad, and if it doesn't then it fails and fades away.
In the same vein, unless you're this woman, then the things you remember most are probably going to be either really pleasent or when something really bad happened. Or something really weird I suppose. Lets face it though, most of life is pretty boring, which is one reason why I think art is so important.
I think most people are pretty boring too. There's a path that you're expected to take to succeed in life. You're born, you grow up, go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, grow old, die. I'm not saying it's bad, but for me it just seems so dull. Most of the people who went down in history (or infamy) were able to buck the system somehow and live their own lives. But did they realize their whole lives that they were marching to the beat of a different drum, or did they slowly come to the realization that they were bound for something greater?
Well, anyways, I've come to the realization that most of the people I work with everyday are boring. They're also pretty damn fake and back-stabby too, but mostly boring. My job is also dull to the fucking max. It's really been dragging me down lately. I was able to finagle a day off last Friday and I went to take a nap. I woke up scared a short time later because I had a dream about work. Most nightmares don't bother me at all but that really made my heart pound. My brain can't come up with anything else? No wonder I've had such bad writer's block lately. It's sucking the fucking life out of me.
But writing about it does make me feel a little better. All of you are interesting people and I do like connecting with you, even if it's just through a computer. No, wait, is that creepy? I didn't mean it that way, I just meant that I don't have many people that I can talk openly to. And thus, I have my Internet friends. It's sort of like talking to myself except I know that some people are actually reading it.
So heres a few things that have been on my mind lately:
2. Routine. I'm so sick of routine! I hate doing the same thing every day in and day out for months and months. Sometimes I imagine that my computer blows up or that aliens crash land their ship through the ceiling. Or even that I get stuck in the elevator all day. Yeah, it'd suck but at least it would be something different!
3. Velouria is my new favorite song:
For some reason it really hits me in the gut and the video is beautiful in it's simplicity.
I also love the line "we will wade in the shine of the ever." It's probably just brain vomit like most of Frank Black's lyrics, but it's damn beautiful.
4. Lindsay Ellis's Blog makes me really want to go to film school. I was thinking about studying history, but I realized that film is really what makes me happy. It's turned into an obsession, and I'm happy for it. I think you need something to be obsessed about, something that you really passionately love to get you through sometimes.
One of the main problems though, is that it takes a lot of my time. I work a ten hour shift (12 if the douchebag upper administrators decide we need it, and of course in the military you don't get paid over-time) and a movie will usually take a good two hours to watch. I get home about six, and by the time I wash up and eat and do other crap it's already eight o clock. And I'm too tired to concentrate. If I do put one in, it'll be ten o clock by the time it's done which means that I have about an hour to get ready for bed. On a regular night I usually end up staying up late anyways because there's always something else I want to do. So I binge on weekends to make up for the lost week. I can usually get five movies in those two days if I ignore trying to have a social life. So yeah, movies eat up a lot of time.
Plus no one else seems to share my obsession (or love of trash films and b-movies) so I usually end up watching them alone. It's not a big deal though, if the movie is good enough I can escape into it's world for a bit and forget that I'm spending another weekend at home drinking cheap wine by myself. If it's bad enough then I can laugh and not feel so shitty anyways.
I'm done rambling. Oh yeah, today I imagined that I was sitting in an old mossy graveyard in the woods somewhere. It was divine, the sun was shining and the sky was a beautiful shade of blue through the trees. The gravestones were crumbled and broken but you could still read some of the dates and names. I forgot how good it feels to escape like that.
And for all of you that have seen Shutter Island...is it any good? I was thinking of going out to see it this weekend. The trailer makes it look really cliche.
In the same vein, unless you're this woman, then the things you remember most are probably going to be either really pleasent or when something really bad happened. Or something really weird I suppose. Lets face it though, most of life is pretty boring, which is one reason why I think art is so important.
I think most people are pretty boring too. There's a path that you're expected to take to succeed in life. You're born, you grow up, go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, grow old, die. I'm not saying it's bad, but for me it just seems so dull. Most of the people who went down in history (or infamy) were able to buck the system somehow and live their own lives. But did they realize their whole lives that they were marching to the beat of a different drum, or did they slowly come to the realization that they were bound for something greater?
Well, anyways, I've come to the realization that most of the people I work with everyday are boring. They're also pretty damn fake and back-stabby too, but mostly boring. My job is also dull to the fucking max. It's really been dragging me down lately. I was able to finagle a day off last Friday and I went to take a nap. I woke up scared a short time later because I had a dream about work. Most nightmares don't bother me at all but that really made my heart pound. My brain can't come up with anything else? No wonder I've had such bad writer's block lately. It's sucking the fucking life out of me.
But writing about it does make me feel a little better. All of you are interesting people and I do like connecting with you, even if it's just through a computer. No, wait, is that creepy? I didn't mean it that way, I just meant that I don't have many people that I can talk openly to. And thus, I have my Internet friends. It's sort of like talking to myself except I know that some people are actually reading it.
So heres a few things that have been on my mind lately:
2. Routine. I'm so sick of routine! I hate doing the same thing every day in and day out for months and months. Sometimes I imagine that my computer blows up or that aliens crash land their ship through the ceiling. Or even that I get stuck in the elevator all day. Yeah, it'd suck but at least it would be something different!
3. Velouria is my new favorite song:
For some reason it really hits me in the gut and the video is beautiful in it's simplicity.
I also love the line "we will wade in the shine of the ever." It's probably just brain vomit like most of Frank Black's lyrics, but it's damn beautiful.
4. Lindsay Ellis's Blog makes me really want to go to film school. I was thinking about studying history, but I realized that film is really what makes me happy. It's turned into an obsession, and I'm happy for it. I think you need something to be obsessed about, something that you really passionately love to get you through sometimes.
One of the main problems though, is that it takes a lot of my time. I work a ten hour shift (12 if the douchebag upper administrators decide we need it, and of course in the military you don't get paid over-time) and a movie will usually take a good two hours to watch. I get home about six, and by the time I wash up and eat and do other crap it's already eight o clock. And I'm too tired to concentrate. If I do put one in, it'll be ten o clock by the time it's done which means that I have about an hour to get ready for bed. On a regular night I usually end up staying up late anyways because there's always something else I want to do. So I binge on weekends to make up for the lost week. I can usually get five movies in those two days if I ignore trying to have a social life. So yeah, movies eat up a lot of time.
Plus no one else seems to share my obsession (or love of trash films and b-movies) so I usually end up watching them alone. It's not a big deal though, if the movie is good enough I can escape into it's world for a bit and forget that I'm spending another weekend at home drinking cheap wine by myself. If it's bad enough then I can laugh and not feel so shitty anyways.
I'm done rambling. Oh yeah, today I imagined that I was sitting in an old mossy graveyard in the woods somewhere. It was divine, the sun was shining and the sky was a beautiful shade of blue through the trees. The gravestones were crumbled and broken but you could still read some of the dates and names. I forgot how good it feels to escape like that.
And for all of you that have seen Shutter Island...is it any good? I was thinking of going out to see it this weekend. The trailer makes it look really cliche.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Short Song Piece
Scratch at the dark
It tears to shreds
Pieces of the night's black veil
Clinging to your fingertips
But beyond
Bleeding through
It's darker than you ever knew
And you scream
And pray for the sunlight
For the time
And the place
When you'll feel right
While the abyss consumes you
There's no way out this time
Falling down
It tears to shreds
Pieces of the night's black veil
Clinging to your fingertips
But beyond
Bleeding through
It's darker than you ever knew
And you scream
And pray for the sunlight
For the time
And the place
When you'll feel right
While the abyss consumes you
There's no way out this time
Falling down
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Early Jim Henson: Muppets In Utero (1955 to 1961)
Everybody has to start somewhere. Good ideas and characters usually take a while to develop and it takes time for artists and creators to hone their skills. In 1955 Jim Henson was offered a five minute slot after the news to put on a puppet show. Using a lizard puppet he had created out of one of his mother's coats along with several other odd looking creations, he and his future wife, Jane Nebel, would entertain the kiddies in TV land while their parents napped on the couch. Of the early puppets, only the lizard would survive, later re-christened a frog.
Most of the early shows consisted of the puppets lip syncing to novelty songs:
And the odd jazz track:
Not a whole lot from this show survives. Only a few episodes remain and the clips I'm posting are all I could really find.
I wonder what Ms. Piggy would think of this:
One of the things I find interesting about these clips is that despite limited means and a very short time slot, they're still entertaining. They also show what a talented puppeteer Henson was. Re-watch that Black Magic clip again and study how Sam (the humanoid puppet) moves. There's a kind of life to it, even though you know it's a puppet you could almost believe it's living. It's all really subtle too. It's one thing I love about The Muppets, there was so much talent behind them that they became real characters, especially to little kids.
In 1957 while Henson was trying to make a name for himself in children's programming with a five minuet long show that was mostly commercials for meat, he was also producing a series of short ads for The Wilkin's Coffee Company. And holy Hell:
These ads were massively popular. And violent.
Henson and company produced 179 of these things. One thing they show is that Henson really loved blowing stuff up when he could get away with it:
Of course these would never fly today and it's interesting that they were so well received at the time. There was even a promo where kids could get vinyl puppets of the characters for a dollar! (Evil Kermit is named Willkins and the dumpy abuse victim is Wontkins, by the way.)
I think the genius of these lies in the fact that they're so short. Each one is just a set up and then a gag and they go by lightening quick but they're still damn funny.
I could watch these all day.
I'll have a few odds and ends to finish this sort of Henson-y week tomorrow, but tonight I'll finish by ruining your childhoods some more with this early cookie monster short, shown on the Ed Sullivan show in 1967 (A remake of an older IBM Ad): Click here for nightmares!
Most of the information contained here-in comes from the Muppet Wiki.
Most of the early shows consisted of the puppets lip syncing to novelty songs:
And the odd jazz track:
Not a whole lot from this show survives. Only a few episodes remain and the clips I'm posting are all I could really find.
I wonder what Ms. Piggy would think of this:
One of the things I find interesting about these clips is that despite limited means and a very short time slot, they're still entertaining. They also show what a talented puppeteer Henson was. Re-watch that Black Magic clip again and study how Sam (the humanoid puppet) moves. There's a kind of life to it, even though you know it's a puppet you could almost believe it's living. It's all really subtle too. It's one thing I love about The Muppets, there was so much talent behind them that they became real characters, especially to little kids.
In 1957 while Henson was trying to make a name for himself in children's programming with a five minuet long show that was mostly commercials for meat, he was also producing a series of short ads for The Wilkin's Coffee Company. And holy Hell:
These ads were massively popular. And violent.
Henson and company produced 179 of these things. One thing they show is that Henson really loved blowing stuff up when he could get away with it:
Of course these would never fly today and it's interesting that they were so well received at the time. There was even a promo where kids could get vinyl puppets of the characters for a dollar! (Evil Kermit is named Willkins and the dumpy abuse victim is Wontkins, by the way.)
I think the genius of these lies in the fact that they're so short. Each one is just a set up and then a gag and they go by lightening quick but they're still damn funny.
I could watch these all day.
I'll have a few odds and ends to finish this sort of Henson-y week tomorrow, but tonight I'll finish by ruining your childhoods some more with this early cookie monster short, shown on the Ed Sullivan show in 1967 (A remake of an older IBM Ad): Click here for nightmares!
Most of the information contained here-in comes from the Muppet Wiki.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Early Jim Henson: Time Piece (1965)
Tonight we have a much shorter piece that's a whole lot more surreal. Henson was nominated for an Academy Award for this short as well as a slew of festival prizes and nominations. It's a good bit more adult than you'd probably expect, but you can see a lot of the style of early Sesame Street in it.
Time Piece
Eric | MySpace Video
It took me forever to track down a copy of this since almost every clip had been pulled due to copyright issues. (I hate when they pull things and then don't make them available anywhere else!)
More Henson Tomorrow!
Time Piece
Eric | MySpace Video
It took me forever to track down a copy of this since almost every clip had been pulled due to copyright issues. (I hate when they pull things and then don't make them available anywhere else!)
More Henson Tomorrow!
Early Jim Henson: The Cube (1969)
The Muppet Show, Sesame Street, The Fraggles, Otter's Jug Band Christmas, suspicious Disney take-over...you probably know about those. But did you know that Jim Henson made some pretty weird experimental films before his puppet shows became popular? If you've got an hour, give this one a watch:
I'll try and find some more of his early work to post up tomorrow!
I'll try and find some more of his early work to post up tomorrow!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Goodbye to the Night (Valentine's Day Song)
I've walked alone
For many a mile
Though my shoes are worn
I still have to smile
And as I lay down
And pull my blankets in tight
I think of you
And say goodbye to the night
You walked with me
For as long as you could
But you had other plans
You said mine were no good
But I remember the times
When I held you tight
And together we
Would say goodbye to the night
Oh it would rain
And we had no home
No roof over our heads
To call our own
But sometimes love
Don't it just feel right?
When you've got someone
To help say goodbye to the night
I've walked alone
For many a mile
But I can't walk no more
So I'll rest for awhile
I always said
That again we'd meet
In this life or the next
On some lonely street
The moon is out
So pale she shines
But she'll do alright
To say goodbye to the night
Where are you love?
I hope you're doing alright
Wherever you are
However far
I say goodnight to you
And goodbye
To the night
For many a mile
Though my shoes are worn
I still have to smile
And as I lay down
And pull my blankets in tight
I think of you
And say goodbye to the night
You walked with me
For as long as you could
But you had other plans
You said mine were no good
But I remember the times
When I held you tight
And together we
Would say goodbye to the night
Oh it would rain
And we had no home
No roof over our heads
To call our own
But sometimes love
Don't it just feel right?
When you've got someone
To help say goodbye to the night
I've walked alone
For many a mile
But I can't walk no more
So I'll rest for awhile
I always said
That again we'd meet
In this life or the next
On some lonely street
The moon is out
So pale she shines
But she'll do alright
To say goodbye to the night
Where are you love?
I hope you're doing alright
Wherever you are
However far
I say goodnight to you
And goodbye
To the night
Friday, February 12, 2010
Bummed
Take me down
To the sea
Wash me in the water
I don't care
If it's full of shit
I've had enough of slaughter
I have a house
It's full of worms
I have a hard time sleeping
And when I wake
And I'm not dead
I just feel like weeping
No I don't want it
There's too much dirt on it
It might be poison to me
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Just let me be
I don't want to see
The TVs on
But no ones home
The attic light is dimming
Off to the side
An empty tank
No fish are swimming
Somewhere down
The hallway dark
I can hear a ringing
But then I find
It's in my head
And I just feel like screaming
No I don't want it
Quit trying to flaunt it
Stop shoving it at me
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Just let me be
I have to pee
Have you ever seen
A night so long
When all the stars are dying?
The moon is out
But I'm at home
But it's not for lack of trying
I might have said
I miss your face
But all the time I was lying
But I know
You're having fun
Instead of at home crying
I know you want
To get me stoned
But it's not really my thing
No I don't want it
It came from your pocket
There's nothing in it for me
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Bad things come in threes
To the sea
Wash me in the water
I don't care
If it's full of shit
I've had enough of slaughter
I have a house
It's full of worms
I have a hard time sleeping
And when I wake
And I'm not dead
I just feel like weeping
No I don't want it
There's too much dirt on it
It might be poison to me
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Just let me be
I don't want to see
The TVs on
But no ones home
The attic light is dimming
Off to the side
An empty tank
No fish are swimming
Somewhere down
The hallway dark
I can hear a ringing
But then I find
It's in my head
And I just feel like screaming
No I don't want it
Quit trying to flaunt it
Stop shoving it at me
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Just let me be
I have to pee
Have you ever seen
A night so long
When all the stars are dying?
The moon is out
But I'm at home
But it's not for lack of trying
I might have said
I miss your face
But all the time I was lying
But I know
You're having fun
Instead of at home crying
I know you want
To get me stoned
But it's not really my thing
No I don't want it
It came from your pocket
There's nothing in it for me
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Just let me be
Go away from me
Bad things come in threes
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Collage #1
I don't have a scanner yet so a picture will have to do. All of the images were swiped from the February 2010 issue of Maxim.
So what did I learn? Well, I learned that Maxim is a totally worthless magazine. It's sort of like Playboy except no nudity and all the articles suck. It's also way over-priced, which is something I didn't find out till after I bought the damn thing! Six bucks for something I'm going to cut up and throw away is way too much. I have to find cheaper material!
I also learned that working with very tiny things and glue sucks pretty hard. If you've got something in the wrong spot, it's hard to move without tearing the hell out of everything. You can kind of see some of my mistakes and re-dos.
All in all I'm pretty pleased with it since it's my first one, even though I didn't get everything quite the way I wanted it. (Papa Smurf and the guitar neck was a pain in the ass!)
So...what do you guys think of it?
Stuff listened to while creating:
The Offspring's Official Channel
The Outhere Brothers:
Wiggle Wiggle
Boom Boom Boom (Dirty Version)
Pussy Pussy
If You Wanna Party
I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass
So what did I learn? Well, I learned that Maxim is a totally worthless magazine. It's sort of like Playboy except no nudity and all the articles suck. It's also way over-priced, which is something I didn't find out till after I bought the damn thing! Six bucks for something I'm going to cut up and throw away is way too much. I have to find cheaper material!
I also learned that working with very tiny things and glue sucks pretty hard. If you've got something in the wrong spot, it's hard to move without tearing the hell out of everything. You can kind of see some of my mistakes and re-dos.
All in all I'm pretty pleased with it since it's my first one, even though I didn't get everything quite the way I wanted it. (Papa Smurf and the guitar neck was a pain in the ass!)
So...what do you guys think of it?
Stuff listened to while creating:
The Offspring's Official Channel
The Outhere Brothers:
Wiggle Wiggle
Boom Boom Boom (Dirty Version)
Pussy Pussy
If You Wanna Party
I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Fuck
(New meme! Post your own middle finger pic! Tell the world what you really think!)
I have an orange. I'm wondering what would happen if I hucked it at a passing car while I was walking down the street. I'd love to hear that joyful "smack" as it hit the windshield, possibly breaking it. Then the person would stop and get out and I'd tell them I was the king of Siam, and the imperial grand wizards of my castle had built me a time machine, allowing me to go forward to the future to huck oranges at people.
More people need oranges thrown at them. Some people need it a few times a day, some people need it all the time. I wish I could get a job throwing oranges at people.
I'm sick of being human. I'm sick of this aimless slide towards death, the eternal void of nothingness, the short hours that I've been alloted filled with tedium. Yeah yeah, I know it's what life is, but I fucking hate it. I hate it like I hate Carlos Mencia.
So is that how it's supposed to be? Glory and interesting things for some, and tedium for the rest? Well, I suppose there's alcohol to at least make you forget how much your life sucks, but it only blinds you.
Okay, here's something else I've come to realize: I will never have a steady girlfriend. Why? Because of my real name. You may have realized that the name that I go by on the Internet is not what I'm commonly called by in the real world. I chose it because it's cool. And because I fucking hate my real name. My real name will never get me girls but I think I was fated to have it. It fits me, the shy guy that never gets any. The weirdo that doesn't fit in anywhere. The one that hates clubs and crowded spaces. So why don't I just go party it up like everyone else? Because then I'd just do something stupid and get laughed at, and I fucking hate being laughed at. Being ignored is fine, but when I'm being mocked and degraded, it pisses me off.
But hey, now I'm being all depressed, why don't I just smile more and think happy thoughts? Um no, I'll smile when I fucking feel like it and not much is making me smile right now, so I'm not going to.
Ha ha ha, I have no future!
Ha ha ha, I flunked out of college twice!
Ha ha ha ha, I think I'm going to puke!
Sunshine and flowers. Sunshine that burns and flowers that eat human flesh. That's all you're going to get from me.
I need to start making collages again. I made a few when I was in high school. My favorite one I made from pictures in an old psychology textbook that I dug out of the free box at a book sale. If I had a scanner, I'd post it. I haven't seen it for years though, maybe it's not as good as I remember it. Probably. No one I showed it to thought it was any good.
I tried to make one out of random pictures I found on the net, but that's harder to do. It's easier to flip through a magazine and find pictures that I like and can glue how I want than to dig through websites and try to get MS paint to work right. Hmmm, this does sound like an interesting weekend project though. I need some glue and poster board, maybe a random magazine. And a scanner. I wonder if I can find one for cheap?
In the meantime, here's a picture I made using MS Paint and google search:
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Worst Cartoons Based on Sitcoms (Opening Themes)
The 70s and 80s were certainly a dark time for cartoons. Mostly because executives thought kids would want to sit through crap like this:
While not based on a TV show, this one is included because it was riding on Coleman's popularity on Different Strokes. And because it's fucking awful.
Edit: According to TVtropes, this was based off of Coleman's made for TV movie,The Kid with the Broken Halo. Knowing this does not make the fact that the cartoon exists make any more sense.
Before we get into the 70s, lets look at another one from the 80s when this awful trend was starting to die off:
Do you remember Punky Brewster? Nope, neither do I. I wonder if she had a magical cat in the live action show too?
How the Hell would you come up with something like this? Why would you waste time and money and animator's wrists making it? What lame kid was watching? Well that goes for most of these shows. At least it's not as bad as...
Poor Wolfman Jack. I wonder how much he got paid to do the theme "song." At one point he sounds flabbergasted for a second, like he had to pause and go "what in the name of Elvis's back hair am I reading?"
Oh and if that's not enough, they combined both shows with a third!
Can you imagine going to school and admitting to your friends that you watched The Mork and Mindy, Laverne and Shirley, and the Fonz Hour? I'm pretty sure what few friends you had would start keeping their distance pretty quickly.
Oh and did you know that there were two Gilligan's Island cartoons? In the first one they were back on the island again somehow:
What I want to know is why they got rid of the catchy theme song? The new one sucks as much as I'm sure the cartoon did. It must not have done very well because they made another one....IN SPACE!:
And they re-worked the opening theme from the earlier cartoon. Great. Too bad that planet they landed on had a breathable atmosphere...
Wait, are you done vomiting yet? Get ready to run for the toilet again!:
Hooh-rah, wasn't that fun? Oh wait, I'm not even done yet!
Again, why did they get rid of the original theme song and replace it with crap? Or better yet, why was the show made in the first place? Dukes of Hazard was cartoony enough on it's own!
Oh Hanna Barbara, why why why why why?
Again: awful idea, awful animation, terrible theme song. WHO WAS WATCHING THIS CRAP?
Alright, I feel a bit sick and I'll bet you do to so I'll just...
PARTRIDGE FAMILY CARTOON!
IN SPACE! Well, in the future anyways. Way to horribly rip-off the Jetsons though.
Alright, I'll leave you with this song from the animated spin-off of Be-witched oddly titled, Tabitha, Adam, and the Clown Family.
Edit: Try muting this last clip and playing Closer by NIN over it. I dare you!
Happy nightmares cartoon fans!
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Animated_Spinoffs_from_Prime_Time_Shows
While not based on a TV show, this one is included because it was riding on Coleman's popularity on Different Strokes. And because it's fucking awful.
Edit: According to TVtropes, this was based off of Coleman's made for TV movie,The Kid with the Broken Halo. Knowing this does not make the fact that the cartoon exists make any more sense.
Before we get into the 70s, lets look at another one from the 80s when this awful trend was starting to die off:
Do you remember Punky Brewster? Nope, neither do I. I wonder if she had a magical cat in the live action show too?
How the Hell would you come up with something like this? Why would you waste time and money and animator's wrists making it? What lame kid was watching? Well that goes for most of these shows. At least it's not as bad as...
Poor Wolfman Jack. I wonder how much he got paid to do the theme "song." At one point he sounds flabbergasted for a second, like he had to pause and go "what in the name of Elvis's back hair am I reading?"
Oh and if that's not enough, they combined both shows with a third!
Can you imagine going to school and admitting to your friends that you watched The Mork and Mindy, Laverne and Shirley, and the Fonz Hour? I'm pretty sure what few friends you had would start keeping their distance pretty quickly.
Oh and did you know that there were two Gilligan's Island cartoons? In the first one they were back on the island again somehow:
What I want to know is why they got rid of the catchy theme song? The new one sucks as much as I'm sure the cartoon did. It must not have done very well because they made another one....IN SPACE!:
And they re-worked the opening theme from the earlier cartoon. Great. Too bad that planet they landed on had a breathable atmosphere...
Wait, are you done vomiting yet? Get ready to run for the toilet again!:
Hooh-rah, wasn't that fun? Oh wait, I'm not even done yet!
Again, why did they get rid of the original theme song and replace it with crap? Or better yet, why was the show made in the first place? Dukes of Hazard was cartoony enough on it's own!
Oh Hanna Barbara, why why why why why?
Again: awful idea, awful animation, terrible theme song. WHO WAS WATCHING THIS CRAP?
Alright, I feel a bit sick and I'll bet you do to so I'll just...
PARTRIDGE FAMILY CARTOON!
IN SPACE! Well, in the future anyways. Way to horribly rip-off the Jetsons though.
Alright, I'll leave you with this song from the animated spin-off of Be-witched oddly titled, Tabitha, Adam, and the Clown Family.
Edit: Try muting this last clip and playing Closer by NIN over it. I dare you!
Happy nightmares cartoon fans!
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Animated_Spinoffs_from_Prime_Time_Shows
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Throw em at me
Yeah I deleted the last post. No, I'm not going to finish it. You know why? Because I can't write about realistic boy/girl relationships. Why? Because the few that I've had have ended very badly. Plus I didn't like the tone of the thing at all. I was just really not happy with the thing, even if it was just the first part.
Oh well, easy come easy go I guess.
I haven't had a good idea for awhile now and It's really killing me.
So throw something at me you guys. What would you like me to write about? It can be anything at all, fucked up or not. I'm kind of slamming my head into a wall here. Think of this as me taking commissions, but for free. (Unless you want to pay me, that'd be really nice!)
Oh well, easy come easy go I guess.
I haven't had a good idea for awhile now and It's really killing me.
So throw something at me you guys. What would you like me to write about? It can be anything at all, fucked up or not. I'm kind of slamming my head into a wall here. Think of this as me taking commissions, but for free. (Unless you want to pay me, that'd be really nice!)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Werewolf...Monday?
Yeah, I should save this for Wednesday. Oh well, I feel like posting it today. I never knew there were so many songs about werewolves till I started thinking of all the one's I knew. Of course you have to start with the king of all lycanthropic odes:
"You better stay away from him, he'll rip your lungs out Jim!" I love Warren Zevon.
I just read that this song was supposedly inspired by Wolfen!:
My werewolf movie will have this song in it's opening credits sequence, and it will rule.
Fang is one of my favorite punk bands, this song is great but not my favorite by them. That would be Destroy the Handicapped. Love the howls at the end though!
This is what parents were up in arms about their kids listening to in the 80s:
Maybe if I watch this cheesy video enough times, I'll turn into a man-wolf. Or turn into Ozzy. Nah, all I'd have to do for that to happen is do truckloads of drugs till my brain doesn't function right.
Alright, so now we get into songs that aren't about werewolves, but seem to fit anyways. How many of you have seen American Werewolf in London? Well, you should, it's awesome.
Anyways, they use this song during one of my favorite scenes:
I'll forever associate this song with werewolves now, and this one too:
I think AWIL had like three different versions that play at different parts of the movie.
And finally, Elvis:
How cool would a werewolf movie set in the 1950s be? I'd love to make a tribute to the cheesy 1950s monster movies I love so much and use a soundtrack that's all rockabilly.
Alright, now I'm inspired. I'll start stewing up basic ideas for this script tonight and tomorrow and maybe write a bit of it down. So what do you think would be cooler, a badass modern take on the werewolf mythos, or a retro-homage set in the 50s?
Edit: For some reason Blogger hasn't been letting me post comments on my own blog, so don't think I'm ignoring any of you in the comments section!
"You better stay away from him, he'll rip your lungs out Jim!" I love Warren Zevon.
I just read that this song was supposedly inspired by Wolfen!:
My werewolf movie will have this song in it's opening credits sequence, and it will rule.
Fang is one of my favorite punk bands, this song is great but not my favorite by them. That would be Destroy the Handicapped. Love the howls at the end though!
This is what parents were up in arms about their kids listening to in the 80s:
Maybe if I watch this cheesy video enough times, I'll turn into a man-wolf. Or turn into Ozzy. Nah, all I'd have to do for that to happen is do truckloads of drugs till my brain doesn't function right.
Alright, so now we get into songs that aren't about werewolves, but seem to fit anyways. How many of you have seen American Werewolf in London? Well, you should, it's awesome.
Anyways, they use this song during one of my favorite scenes:
I'll forever associate this song with werewolves now, and this one too:
I think AWIL had like three different versions that play at different parts of the movie.
And finally, Elvis:
How cool would a werewolf movie set in the 1950s be? I'd love to make a tribute to the cheesy 1950s monster movies I love so much and use a soundtrack that's all rockabilly.
Alright, now I'm inspired. I'll start stewing up basic ideas for this script tonight and tomorrow and maybe write a bit of it down. So what do you think would be cooler, a badass modern take on the werewolf mythos, or a retro-homage set in the 50s?
Edit: For some reason Blogger hasn't been letting me post comments on my own blog, so don't think I'm ignoring any of you in the comments section!
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