Friday, April 2, 2010

More From Captain Bob (See Below Post)

Why? What does it matter to you? You fucking white middle class bitch! You've never felt real pain! You sit in your fucking white middle class suburban home and drink your fancy expensive wine and watch brain dead TV while all of us are out here doing real work! This is hard, it tries my patience, it taxes my muscles, it burns my brain! I WILL NOT TAKE ANYMORE SHIT FROM YOU! And thus, the first thing I will do is rip your throat out with this corkscrew.

You're upside down because I want you to watch the blood as it drains down from the incisions I make in your abdomen. I want you to taste it, feel it's warmth as it flows away from you, I want you to appreciate the life that you're losing. That's all that really matters isn't it? Everything is just time wasting shit if you don't enjoy it. Too bad you have to learn that this way. *slice!*

When I was six my dad started burning me with his cigars when I was bad. Then he started doing it whenever he felt like it. Here...*scream*
That feel good? No? How about if I do *louder screams*
Hmmm, I don't think you're getting it. I want you to feel a bit of what I, and your kids, felt. How about if I put *ear splitting screams*
Oh, there it is! I love the feeling don't you? The joy of an artist when he finishes a painting that he knows is his masterwork, a novelist when he types in that last word, or a god who creates his first sheep and then fucks it. *sigh*
But you wouldn't no anything about art would you? No, I don't think so...*loud screams*

Oh the sledgehammer! Such a crude instrument, don't you think? It takes a lot of strength and energy to wield it once let alone over and over. It's a working class tool alright. I like using it, the only problem is that the job is over too quickly! There's not time to savor the screams or the look in their eyes. Just one smash and it's all done. No my friend, it's electro-shock torture for you! Why? Because I'm FUCKING IN CHARGE THAT'S WHY! Don't question me again or I'll rip your tongue out and shove it up your ass so the last thing you taste before you die is your own shit. What? How would you taste it if your tongue wasn't connected? I told you not to question me! *loud screams*

In my spare time I like to do jigsaw puzzles. Really complicated million piece ones. It keeps my artistic juices flowing between jobs. It says on your sheet here that you don't like puzzles. Why not? I don't know is never a right answer. *Buzzing, painful screams*
Why don't you like puzzles? I-I-I isn't good enough either! *Buzzing, painful screams*
That's not really a good enough answer, but I'l let it slide. In fact, I'll let you go! Haw haw, just kidding! You're going to die.

Time for a lunch break! Should I eat the skinny lawyer, or the fat pedophile teacher? Eh, I'll eat both and eat the leftovers for dinner. Damn this pedo has a small dick! It's almost microscopic! There goes the best part of the sandwich....


Justin said...

Um... Personal expreience?

Seriously, this story is really great. And if I ever get time to clean up the lettering for that book cover, I'll post it as soon as possible.

Justin said...

By the way, have you ever seen Audition? If you haven't, don't watch the trailer first, but I think you'd love it.

Also, this story has a Hostel vibe... only 1000 times better.

Kurdt said...

Audition is on my list of movies to see. Someday...

Glad you liked this...thing. I was afraid I was going overboard with it and it had turned out too over the top and lame.