"Oh jeezus! You scared the crap out of me!"
"I love you!"
"I love you! Isn't that awesome?"
"Um, Joe...I'm married."
"So, you can get a divorce."
"Okay, not likely."
"But I love you so much! I'll do anything for you! What do you want?"
"I don't want anything! You're starting to freak me out..."
"Do you want blood? I can give you blood!"
"What? No, don't...Oh Jesus! Jesus Christ!"
"That hurt. A lot."
"I think you need to go to the hospital."
"No no no. If I do that then you won't think I'm a man. I want you to think I'm cool and strong and can provide for you and..."
"Dude, you're starting to turn pale."
(Sings) "Let's sit down by the riverside, my love for you will never die..." (Falls over.)
"Well...that was interesting. Hey! Starbucks is have a mega-sale this weekend! I'm so stoked to go! Wait. Who am I talking to?