Yeah, I wrote this. I am not proud. I'm actually a pretty normal person when I'm not writing, I swear! If you're sensitive to nastiness, I suggest not reading this. Actually, don't read it all....
"So tell me again why you bought this camera?"
"Why's you think Jeb? We's a-gonna make a movie!"
They were standing in front of Bill's trailer. His wife had just left him and had taken all thirteen of the kids and they both had no jobs. They had been sitting around drinking beer and trying to think of something to do when Bill had just gotten up and they had driven to Wal-mart and bought the cheapest camera they could find.
Jeb stood picking his nose while Bill tried to get the tripod set up.
"What is we going to make a movie of?"
"Well Jeb, ya know dem porno movies?"
Jeb looked scared.
"I ain't a gonna have sex with..."
"No no, you ijit! If you'd let me finish, I was gonna say 'you know dem porno's right? Well, they have sex, all real like right? Well, we're gonna do something else all real like. Just a second, all be right back."
And with that he ducked into the trailer.
It seemed like he was gone a long time. Jeb stood and picked his nose and shifted his weight from foot to foot. He was about to go over and mess with the camera when Bill came barging out of the trailer door and almost fell down the steps.
"Yee-ha! I found it!"
"Found whut?" Jeb said, suspicious.
"Now, now don't you worry bout that, just stand in front of the camera and do what I tells you to do."
"What if I don't want to?"
Bill but his hand on his head and scowled.
"Jeb, remember when we was at that bar last week and you insulted Jeff Gordon?"
"Do you remember what I did?"
Jeb looked scared.
"Uh, yeah, sure Bill, I'll do whatever you want. I'm you're friend right?"
Bill smiled. "You sure are Jeb, You sure are..."
It was night when they finished filming. Bill had thought his wife would come back to get some things, but she never did. That was fine, Bill thought he could sell some of it and make a quick buck. It was all junk anyways. It took him a bit to figure out how to get the camera hooked up to the TV, but he wasn't so dumb, and he got it eventually. Then he settled down in his recliner with a beer and watched...
The first pistol shot had dropped Jeb to the ground pretty quickly. It had hit him in the upper thigh, even though Bill had meant to hit him in the shin. It was still a great moment though. Bill rewound it and paused so he could savor the look of surprise on Jeb's face. He laughed and started the movie again.
He hadn't thought Jeb would have so much blood in him. He was pretty scrawny and Bill was amazed by how quickly it pooled on the ground. As he watched himself on the TV, cutting Jeb's fingers off, he lamented the fact that he didn't have another person to work the camera. He had been trying to work quickly and didn't have a lot of time to set the shot up properly. At least you could see it though, even if the shot was static. Bill's hunting knife had cut through the meat pretty well, but he had to break the bones. It was hard work, but it was worth it. The film was beautiful. Award winning even. Bill smiled as the zoom-in showed the ragged ends of flesh and bone on Jeb's hand. Jeb was still alive at that point, but he didn't have much fight left. Must have been all that blood that leaked out of him. It also might have been the ribs that had cracked while Bill held him down with a boot on his chest. Bill smiled wider. The best part was coming up! Bill had ran inside to grab his shot gun quickly. He had wanted Jeb to still be alive for this...
The first thing that Becky noticed when she pulled up to the trailer and got out of the truck was the smell. It was an odd coppery sort of smell and not very pleasant. The second thing she noticed was the odd stain on the ground, a dark black under the single light above the door. Oh well, she thought. Whatever Bill did with his free-time now was none of her business. She just wanted to get a few toys the kids couldn't live without, and scoot. She walked up the steps and opened the door...
The shotgun blast had obliterated Jeb's head in one single shot. It was beautiful. Bill rewound it over and over. He laughed and snorted his beer. What a shot! What a movie! The snake inside of his jeans pushed against his zipper and he let it out, rubbing it with one hand, and rewinding the movie with the other. He reached over and got some lube from the seat next to him...
At first Becky's mind couldn't fix on what she was seeing. There was Bill sitting in front of the TV, like usual. And he was jerking it to something on the TV, like usual. But he was covered in an odd red-black substance. And the trailer was full of that odd coppery smell that she had smelled outside. And what was that in the other chair? Suddenly it all snapped together and Becky knelt over and threw up.
Bill heard her come in, throw up, and leave. He didn't care. He heard her truck back down the drive and he came into his hand.
"Hey, Jeb old buddy? You want some of this?"
He reached over offered it to the corpse in the seat next to him.
"Oh, thats right. You ain't got no head!" Bill laughed until his stomach hurt. On the TV, he was having sex with Jeb's neck-hole. He frowned. Damn, if only he had had a second camera person. The angle was all wrong again...
There now wasn't that lovely? Tomorrow I'll write a nice story about puppies frolicking in a meadow...