Saturday, February 14, 2009

Choose Your Own Fate: Of Love and Puke

So there you are: Standing at the door of the girl that broke your heart, some strange alien goop covered in blood and snot concealed in your hand, ready to mash it into her face. Oh sweet revenge, thy name is goop. You rap on the door delicately so as not to alert suspicions. You can hear noises in the house, someone is coming to the door. They get closer. CLOSER! You pull your hand back to throw, your brow furrows in concentration. Sweat beads on your forehead...this is it, the grand moment. Possibly the greatest moment of your teenhood, nay, of your life! The footsteps get up to the door and stop. The knob turns slowly. SLOWLY! And the door creaks open...
Before you even look to see who answered your knocks, you let the crud fly. Your wussy toss causes it to arc and it lands on the shirt of Rock Fizzlebeef (yup thats really his name) Betsy Ann's 300 LB wad of muscle and veins boyfriend! Oh geez, you're really in trouble now! Run for it!
You try to run but he grabs on to the back of your shirt and your legs spin uselessly just like in a cartoon. He picks you up and puts your face right next to his.
"Whyfore you throw snot on my shirt?" He growls. His breath smells like mothballs and old cabbage. You gag.
"Dat not very nice of you. WHYFORE YOU THROW SNOT AT MES?" He's breathing hard and shouting now. You feel your stomach start to turn flops.
"DAT NOT VERY NICE, I PUT CLEAN SHIRT ON TODAY FOR BETSY ANN AND YOU MAKE IT YUCKY! BETSY ANN NOT LIKE YUCKY SHIRT! I MAKE YOU PAY!"
As he raises his hand to turn your face into a bloody pulp you let go and vomit up food you don't even remember eating. All over jock boys face. He screams and drops you and runs into the house screaming surprisingly girly screams. You laugh and wipe off your mouth. Your weak as shit stomach finally did some good! But what of Betsy Ann? Now that your thoughts of revenge have been tempered, you decide to go profess your love to her again. But where to look?

Alright guys. There's a stairs to your left and a living room to your right, devoid of people. The couches look comfy though. Ahead of you, you can see a kitchen and a window onto a backyard. Pick a direction!

2 comments:

Phantom Spitter said...

I pick... You go up the stairs.

This is really good, Kurdt! By the way, I am trying my hardest to do a cover image for your book, but none of them look right! Maybe I'm not the guy for the job. But I'll try some more!

J.R. Spumkin said...

I'll go with going up dem purty stairs.