Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Random Word Experiment #2

Oh random word generator, I love you so. You know what word it gave me tonight? Horror! I needed a word for inspiration and it gave me horror. Kick ass. Hmmm....thats really broad though. Lets hit refresh and try to get a second word.
Unstable! This is getting interesting. Lets try it a third time.
Employment. Sweet, lets see what kind of stuff we can make out of this.

I was working late when I killed my boss. It was just us handling the "up late" shift at Chicken Shack, which wasn't a shack at all, I don't know why it was called that. My job that night was to cut the chicken up for the Healthy chicken Crunch Wrap menu special item bullshit that were popular because of an annoying jingle they put in their ads. Just about everyone that came in ordered one. So there I was cutting up chicken to make these damn things. The thing is there's a certain way they have to be cut. Everything has to be done by the regulations in Chicken Shack Inc.'s company hand book that they give you when you get hired. I dropped the damn thing on my foot one time. That shit hurt let me tell you.
But anyways, the chicken for the Healthy Chicken Crunch Wrap menu special item has to be cut diagonally in exact equal portions. Every chicken patty that comes frozen in large packs to Chicken Shack kitchens across the world looks exactly the same since its really ground up chicken parts mashed into a spherical shape by a machine. There's even lines burned into it where you have to cut. This is all explained in the hand book by the way, you should really track down a copy on Ebay, very interesting reading. Or to hurl through your neighbors window.
That night my boss, having nothing else to do, contented himself with being a prick. He always was a prick but at least when other people were on shift he could spread it around. And at least when Rachael was there he'd hit on her and the blowjobs she gave him for extra money kept him away for a little bit. That night she was home with her sick kid. At least thats what she said. I think she had some personal business to take care of at the Ballard club downtown. Thats what I think.
Alright, I keep going off on tangents. The boss was looking over my shoulder the whole time I was trying to cut and he telling me I was doing it wrong. And he kept jabbing me in the shoulder. I don't like to be touched and I really don't like to be jabbed with a long bony finger thats been God knows where. So...uh...yeah, I got pissed off and I stabbed him in the eye. Thats about it. It wasn't an accident or anything if thats what you're wondering. I got pissed off and took the fucker's eye out.
The bit with the cooler? I didn't do that. Well, you're not going to believe me if I tell you. Alright. After I stabbed his eye out he was fumblin' around screamin' knockin' pots off the racks, making a damn mess in the kitchen. The reg book would have something to say about that let me tell you, ha ha. You probably saw his hand, he put it in the deep friar. It wasn't in very long but he burnt the shit out of it. Jesus, he was screamin' loud. Then the fucking chicken attacked him. I swear on my mother's grave! He kept dancing around, screaming, making a mess, so I opened the cooler and shoved him in. Then the chicken patties jumped on him, fucking covered up his face so he couldn't breath. You found one down his throat didn't you? Yeah, it crawled in there. Weirdest damn thing I've ever seen and I've seen some weird shit. What's that? Nah, I wasn't on drugs. Not that night anyways.
Yeah yeah, thats my story. Back to my cell right? I hear we're having fried chicken for lunch, you better watch your back officer, ah ha ha!

That was weak, I'm sorry guys. Maybe it could be part of a larger story though, someday.

1 comment:

Phantom Spitter said...

It's not weak! It's really good!

The narrative reminds me of some Gary Panter stuff.