Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Movie Script

I know you're reading this Matt you lurker you, we are making this, this summer. And it will rule. This is really basic, more will be added in the course of filming, or it might all be changed completely depending on circumstances.

Open on title:
Cue scary crashing piano chords that go on way too long till this song kicks in over pictures of the cast all giving goofy smiles and thumbs up. Song cuts off with scare chord and opens on:

Our cast: Matt, Scott, and James are sitting on Matt's porch staring at the sky.
Scott: (Suddenly happy) I've got it you guys! (All look at Scott)
Matt: No Scott we are not going to put on masks to scare people in the old folks home.
James: Yeah, we had to get out of there pretty quickly last time. We should wait awhile before we go back.
Scott: I was going to say we should go throw firecrackers at Matt's dad while he's taking a nap.
Matt: We did that too, thats why we're out here trying to think of stuff to do instead of inside playing video games.
Scott: (thoughtful) Oh yeah. (suddenly bright again) Hey how about we take a bunch of laxatives and see how long we can go before...
Matt: For the fifth time, I am not doing that, ever!
James: I've got an idea for something to do.
Matt: Aren't we the crafty one today.
James: Shut up and listen. You know my Uncle died a few weeks ago right?
Scott: That smelly old guy that used to buy all the pepper from the grocery store every Tuesday and no one could figure out what he did with it?
James: No, that was my Grandfather. My Uncle was the one that wore thongs to the beach and offered mustache rides to old ladies at the flea market.
Matt: Oh, him. Right, go on.
James: Well, he died and we haven't sold his house yet or even cleaned all the stuff out of it. We could go dig through all his junk! There's probably lots of old people crap we could smash or run over with the lawnmower!
Matt: Well, it's better than any of Scott's ideas, lets go. (Everyone gets up and walks off camera.)
Scott: Aw, I wanted to see poop...
End Scene

Open on old house with scare chords telling us to be scared. Pan over to our heroes.
Matt: Yup, that is a house.
Scott: Sure is, did your uncle die inside there James?
James: No, he got his hand stuck in the mailbox and got eaten by a bear.
Matt: Harsh. Lets go.
Cut to inside of house, SJM walking down stairs to basement.
James: I bet theres lots of breakable stuff down here!
Matt: I call dibs on plaster figurines!
All rooting around in basement junk.
Scott: Man, there's nothing good here. Let's go downtown and shoot water balloons at cars on the highway.
James: We did that last week, we almost got beat up, remember?
Scott: Oh yeah..
Matt: Holy crap, guys come look at this!
He moves some junk aside and we see a girl lying on the floor, her face is covered in blood. She is very dead looking. There is a book in her hands. Matt picks it up and reads:
Matt: Uncle Larry's zombie control for dummies, version 2.0 (opens book) Hmmm...
James: Ummm, isn't this something we maybe shouldn't be messing with?
Matt: This is the most interesting thing we've done all day, I'm not taking Scott's laxatives! (reads) "To make your zombie girl come to life, simply read this passage: Arise mort fată arise!"
The zombie girl stands up and stares with her mouth open.
Matt: What should I make her do now?
Scott: Make her take her shirt off! (All look at Scott)
James: Dude, she's dead!
Scott: (embarrassed) Well, its know...
Matt: (reading) "Mort fată , a lovi cu piciorul Scott în balet"
Zombie girl walks over and kicks Scott very hard in the groin. He rolls around on the ground in pain.
Matt: Ha ha, this is awesome!
James: What should we make her do now?
Matt: Oh I've got an idea, a very good idea if you catch my drift. (rubs hand together) Heh heh heh..

Open on outside, lawn.
Zombie girl is standing with a baseball bat in her hands. A ball comes flying and hits her in the stomach. She looks at it and keeps on staring at nothing.
Pan around to SJM. Matt has a baseball glove on.
James: Baseball? Thats what you had in mind? God you're so lame. Give me that book, I've got a much better idea. (Takes book and reads...)

Cut to inside of Matt's house. Zombie girl is sitting at counter with party hat on her head and cake in front of her. It even has a candle lit.
James: Happy Birthday!
Matt: How do you know it's her birthday?
James: It says so right here (points to passage in book)
Matt rolls eyes. Zombie girl throws up blood onto cake.
Scott: well, that was kind of cool. I got her a present. (Holds up dead rat)
Matt: Where did you get that?
Scott: Mousetrap.
Matt: Of course.
Scott: Here you go, happy birthday!
Zombie girl takes rat and eats it. only the tail is sticking out of her mouth when she starts choking and falls face first into her cake.
James: Ummm, what just happened.
Matt: I have no idea, anyone have a copy of the script? (Scott pulls out script and starts reading.)
Scott: It says she died of rat poisoning.
James: That doesn't make any sense at all! Who wrote this crap?
Me from behind camera: Sorry guys, I wrote myself into a corner.
James: How much are we getting paid to do this again?
Me: Ummm, lots of money. Just as soon as we finish, yup. Not lying to you one bit.
Matt: Okay lets get this over with. (in fake shock) Whatever shall we do?
Pan over to Matt's dad which is just Scott with a fake beard.
Dad: What's going on here you hoodlums?
All look at each other.
James: We were just having a party for...Suzy here and she got crazy and drank too much and passed out. We have to take her home now.
Dad: (Looks at Scott) Aren't you the one that talked my son into farting into a jar and mailing it to the school principal?
Matt: Umm, no he's not. Gotta go now, bye!
All drag zombie girl out.
Dad looks around, sits down and quickly devours cake.

Our heroes sit forlornly on a couch with zombie girl in middle. All look sad.
James: This sucks. You and your stupid rats Scott. What is it with you and dead rodents anyways?
Scott: Well, uh...your mom...smells real bad.
Matt: (reading book) Hey! Look at this you guys! "To bring dead girl back to life after accidental re-killing, just say these words."
James: Huh, that seems way too easy, doesn't it Kurdt?
Me: Fine if you want to finish this movie, then do it yourself! I quit!
(camera tilts and falls down on floor. When we come back its only Matt and Scott on couch.)
Matt: (Reading) "I'm supărat mort fată , a face pe plac la a ierta meu tîmpit şi a veni spate la spre viaţă , tu eşti so foarte drăguţ."
Cue heavenly music and dead girl is alive again.
Everyone shouts hooray! Cue All Summer long by The Beach Boys over end montage.

Picture montage:
Guys riding around in car with zombie girl.
Zombie girl trying to play DDR, guys pointing and laughing.
Zombie girl scaring little girl, guys pointing and laughing
Scott with Zombie girl, smiling, thumbs up
Caption: Zombie girl and Scott got married later that summer. They were very happy together...
Picture of zombie girl biting Scott's neck as he looks on in horror.
Caption: ...till she ate off his face.

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