Friday, January 30, 2009

Choose Your Own Fate Part 3

You have chosen...option 4. Thank you, one moment please...

You stare at the purple and green blob of smelly goo and your stomach rumbles. You got sent to your room without dinner earlier that day for drawing mustaches on all the pictures of Nixon in the morning paper. "Goddamn it," your Dad yelled, "You may not like him but I voted for him so we're stuck! You'll respect him and Agnew or you'll get no supper!"
You frown. Stupid Nixon. You've made up your mind, you will eat this thing. It looks like it needs something...You spin your mother's spice rack around and pull out two random jars: Paprika and cloves. Hmmm, you think, maybe if I cook it first...
You oil the pan down and dump the thing in it. It's one eye looks around nervously and it shifts a bit as you cover it in spices. Then you add cheese and an old wrinkly green pepper and turn on the heat.
The thing screams and jumps out of the pan, latching itself onto your head! You flail around trying to pull it off, you'd scream but its covering your mouth and slowly working its way up your nostrils! You can't breath!
Bit by bit it crawls up your nostril cavity and vanishes. You sit down, taking gasping breaths, wondering what to do next when a voice whispers from inside your skull.
"Go to the garage. Do it now!" It says in creepy whisper. "Do it now or I'll do this!"
Suddenly your legs go numb and you fall face first to the floor. The thing in your head laughs.

What will you do now?
1. Listen to the thing, before it does something really bad!
2. Run to the weird scientist neighbor's house that lives down the street.
3. get a needle nose pliers from the basement and pull it out.
4. Call 911.
5. Screw this, you're missing Good Times! GO and watch TV and ignore the thing in your head.

7 comments:

Phantom Spitter said...

In real life I would do 1... but I pick 5!

J.R. Spumkin said...

I agree...

No wait...

damn. A tough choice. My common sense and judgement says one...but my love of sitcoms says 5. Damn, damn damn...

1! Damn you, Good Times.

J.R. Spumkin said...

Oh, and another thing: I didn't know you were a Jhonen Vasquez fan! Wow. And here I was thinking there weren't any other fans of Vasquez.

Once again, I used to be a Vasquez imitator. Weird time in my art life.

kurdt said...

Hmmm, the general consensus seems to be for number 5. So that is the way I shall go. Check for it sometime this weekend!

Oh yes, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac is one of the sickest and at the same time, most brilliant things I've ever read. There's a lot of subtext and satire in it that I think a lot of people don't catch, all they see is gore.
It seems like a lot of cartoonist type people don't like Invader Zim but I think it was one of the best cartoons Nickelodeon ever had, and of course they killed it just as it was starting to gain a fanbase.

Phantom Spitter said...

"There's a lot of subtext and satire in it that I think a lot of people don't catch, all they see is gore."

I'm not a big fan of Vasquez, but I don't want anyone to think this is the reason I'm not. I've read his comics, and the stories and art are pretty good, but I can't get past those colors! I'm sorry, but that's the one and only reason. I wish I wasn't so picky about it.

I'm not against gore in comics at all. I'm a huge fan of S. Clay Wilson!

J.R. Spumkin said...

They don't realize that the best part of some of it IS the subtext. I think there's a part in #2 where Jhonen writes something when Johnny blows the convenience store clerk's head up (something to the effect of "To prepare for this scene, we made a life-sized replica of the clerk's head and filled it with cow parts. And then, to add surprise and realism to the scene, we surprised our actor by blowing a whole through his head"). I laughed my ass off when I read that!

J.R. Spumkin said...

Oh, and have you seen his new book "Jellyfist?" It's drawn by another artist named J.R. Goldberg, but I haven't seen it anywhere.